Hit Me With Your Best Shot
by mida212
Summary: *COMPLETE* He sees it as soon as he walks in and knows that the Elmo invitation sitting on his desk can only mean one thing: He's been invited to a kid's party. What he doesn't know is that that little red Muppet is about to change his life. AU.
1. Elmopalooza

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine :(_**

* * *

**_An ordinary beginning_**_**, **_**_something that would have been forgotten had it been anyone but her_**_**. **_**_But as she took his hand and met_****_ those striking emerald eyes_**_**, **_**_he knew before he'd taken his next breath that she was _****_the one he could _****_spend the rest of his life looking _****_for but never find again_**_**.**_

_**-Nicholas Sparks, "The Notebook"**_

* * *

The invitation comes on a Tuesday_._

He sees the bright red envelope as soon as he walks into his office, since it's propped against the bobblehead Brittany had gotten him a few years ago. As congratulations for getting jobs, Brittany had gotten both him and Artie bobbleheads of themselves, designed to be business card holders. While Artie's was dressed in khakis, a white shirt and a sweater vest, his was much more casual in jeans, a t-shirt and a plaid shirt, although both had their arms out to hold the business cards. Bobblehead Finn is currently holding the business cards Kurt had _insisted_ he needed, plus the bright red envelope bearing the word _Finn_ on it, spelled out in stickers.

Curiosity getting the better of him, he flings his backpack on the floor and reaches for the envelope, examining the stickers. He turns the envelope over, startled to see a pair of wide paper eyes and a large orange nose on the flap and he quickly realizes he's holding an Elmo envelope, which can only mean one thing.

He's been invited to a kid's birthday party.

While Kurt would argue that Elmo was more mature then he was, playing pin the tail on the donkey was not high on his list of things that make a good party (ironically, that game of pin the boobs on the sorority girl back in college had certainly made his list). He's just about to open the envelope when he hears a voice behind him.

"Oh, you found it!"

Startled, he looks up to see Artie parked in his doorway, his face excited as he stares at the Elmo envelope in Finn's hand. He watches as Artie wheels a little closer, his own eyes trained on the envelope in his hand.

Crap.

The Elmo envelope was obviously put there by Artie, which meant there was no way of getting out of going to the party. Artie had chosen him to be the godfather to his son Connor and he's not sure, but he thinks that means he's _required_ to go to all birthday parties.

"Yeah. I was just about to open it." He quickly slides his finger under Elmo's nose, pulling the invitation out. As he'd suspected, the invitation is for a children's party, a fact made glaringly obvious by the Elmo invitation he's now holding. Elmo's arms are covering his eyes and Finn gently moves them to see read the words aloud. _"Peek-a-boo! Connor's turning two and Elmo wants to see you!"_

"Isn't it great?" Artie asks excitedly. "Brittany worked really hard on them."

"Really?" Finn stares, shocked that _Brittany_ had made these invites and not a single word was misspelled, even more shocked that he'd actually received an invite. "_Brittany_?"

Artie nods proudly. "She spent all weekend on it, her and her friend from work."

Ah. That explains it. He loved Brittany like a sister, he really did, but she was _not_ the sharpest tool in the shed. Fortunately, what she lacked in smarts, she made up for in dancing ability, earning her way up to assistant choreographer on the Broadway production of _Guys and Dolls._ He glances down at the invite again, noting the date and time. "Well that's cool. You know I'll be there."

"You better. You _are_ the Godfather." Artie nods firmly, pointing to the invite in his long time best friend's hand. "They're really going all out with the Elmo theme, _everything_ has been Elmo'd from the food to the games to the decorations. B's friend is a little scary with how intense she is, but she's helping Brittany, so I can't really complain."

"Oh." Unsure of what else to say, he turns on his computer and tacks the invitation to the bulletin board next to his desk.

"Yeah, it's going to be so great. Connor's really going to love it. They've even made signs for all the food that looks like the Sesame Street sign, although the focus will be on Elmo since he's Connor's favorite," Artie announces. "It's going to be an Elmopolooza."

"I'm sure Connor will love it," Finn replies, secretly wondering if the man sitting in front of him getting excited about an Elmo birthday party is the same guy who once rolled his wheelchair off the Frat house roof and into a pool of jello. "You jealous Brittany's not doing an Elmopolooza for you?"

"Shut up." Artie stares at him meaningfully. "You know, you could bring someone if you want."

Finn snorts at the implication. "Yeah. Who am I going to bring, Marge from Animation?"

Both Finn and Artie turn to look out the door to see a frumpy older lady seated at a desk nearby. Artie turns back to look at him, his tone serious. "You haven't dated anyone in a while and I've seen Lori checking you out every time she passes your office. Why don't you just ask her?"

He shakes his head. "Nah. I'm good."

"It'll be fun," Artie promises, holding up his hand. "Elmopalooza remember?"

"You sure this party's for Connor and not you?" Finn teases, trying to get the topic off his dating life. "I've never seen anyone get so excited over Elmo."

"You wait till you have a kid. I hope you have a girl, so you can be inundated with Dora."

Finn laughs. "Well before that can happen, I need to find a woman willing to have kids with me."

"So maybe Lori is that girl," Artie persuades. "And if she's not, you still get to have sex."

"I'm _not_ dating anyone from work. My parents and Kurt are going to be at this party, so no way in hell am I bringing anyone new."

"Who said anything about dating? Come on, this is gonna be the party of the year."

He laughs again. "Party of the year?"

"Yup."

He sighs, deciding to placate Artie even though he had no intention of asking Lori. "I'll think about asking her."

"That's all I'm asking." Artie wheels his chair back to the door, pausing in the doorframe. "You know you're excited for Elmopolooza. It's brought to you by the letter C and the number 2, you know."

"That right?" Chuckling, Finn opens up his email. "This party of the year going to have beer? Or does Elmo not drink?"

"Oh there's beer. Brittany and Rachel were just making Elmo labels for the beer bottles last night."

"Great." He watches Artie wheel himself back to his own office. "I'm gonna need it to get through Elmopolooza."

* * *

Beer's not gonna cut it.

Brittany had greeted him at the door with Connor, each wearing an Elmo party hat and matching Elmo t-shirts. She'd handed him Connor so she could grab a party hat off the hall table, easily slipping it on Finn's head despite his protests. She'd also taken a moment to pin a large button in the shape of goldfish to his shirt, announcing that while everyone else got an Elmo button, he got a button in the shape of Elmo's pet goldfish Dorothy.

Connor still in his arms, he'd followed the famous Sesame Street signs out to the backyard, trying not to stare in amazement at all the Elmo decorations. Artie wasn't kidding when he'd said the place was Elmo'd out. Finn had expected some balloons and maybe some streamers, but considering Brittany had done the decorations he really shouldn't be surprised that it looked like Elmo exploded all over the house and yard (she did make the theme of their senior prom _dinosaur_ after all, complete with a massive T-Rex that he _still_ wasn't convinced she hadn't stolen from a museum). He'd spied much smaller Sesame Street signs sticking out of the various dishes of food and his mouth had started to water, hoping Kurt had made some of those awesome pastries for dessert. The brightly colored three tier cake Kurt had made is in the corner of the table, with various Sesame Street characters hanging off of it while Elmo sat proudly on top and his mouth watered even more, thanking God for the umpteenth time that he had a brother whose hobby was cake decorating.

The backyard is not exempt either, judging by the Elmo piñata hanging from the trees and the large Elmo shaped balloons tied to the deck he sees as he steps onto the deck. Connor immediately begins squirming in his arms and runs off towards the Elmo bouncy house in the corner of the yard once his feet are on the ground. Finn watches him go, figuring it was ok since Quinn's over there with Damian before he grabs a beer out of the cooler, shaking his head at the Elmo label that had been placed over the regular label.

He spies Artie and Puck over at a table nearby talking to his parents and Kurt so he heads that way, grabbing a few extra beers for the two of them and Burt.

Puck rips the beer from his hands as he kisses his mom hello. "It's about fucking time you got here. I can't suffer through Elmo without liquor."

"Damian's the same age, he's not into Elmo?" Kurt asks, slipping on his sunglasses.

"Fuck no. Tap dancing red muppets don't do it for him. He likes the badass Oscar. Q tried to get him into Grover, but Grover's a pushover."

"Yeah? Then why's he wearing an Elmo shirt like Connor and Brittany?" Finn retorts, reaching for the potato chips on the table and popping one in his mouth only to immediately spit the potato chip back out. "What the hell kind of potato chips are these?"

"They're not potato chips, they're _banana_ chips," Artie explains between chuckles. "Bananas are Elmo's favorite fruit. Brittany and Rachel thought it would be a nice touch."

"So we all have to suffer?" Finn demands, taking a swig of beer to try and get rid of the banana taste in his mouth. Artie, he notices, is currently wearing an Elmo bowtie along with Elmo suspenders and he resists the urge to roll his eyes.

"You could stand to follow Elmo's diet, baby," Carole admonishes, taking a few banana chips for herself. "You need to start eating healthier. Perhaps if you had a girlfriend, you'd start eating better."

"Stay single, Finn," Burt interjects. "Otherwise your girlfriend will have you eating food that tastes like plywood."

Carole fixes her husband with a stern look. "That goes for you too, Burt. You need to eat healthier. Have some banana chips."

"See Finn? Single." Burt obediently pops a banana chip in his mouth, grimacing at the taste.

"Burt!" Carole chides. She focuses her attention on Finn and Kurt, both of whom immediately begin squirming under her gaze. "I want grandchildren and neither of my sons are doing anything to get me some."

Puck snorts. "It's not from lack of trying. Hudson needs better moves and Hummel needs something else entirely."

"There's a girl at our office that's been not so subtly checking Finn out," Artie offers. "I told him to invite her here, but he didn't."

"_Really?_" Carole's eyes light up at the news. "I have to admit, when you started working for a video game company as a designer, I was worried it would be all men and you'd never meet anyone. Why didn't you bring her here?"

"What about Kurt?" Finn huffs, annoyed that the attention is solely on his dating life. "He didn't bring anyone to Elmopolooza."

"Had you been on time to Elmopolooza, you would have heard me telling Dad and Carole about my promising date last night." The airiness of Kurt's reply annoys Finn and he frowns as Kurt continues. "What'd you do last night? Play video games?"

Damn him. He racks his brain for a retort, one that wouldn't reveal that he actually _had_ been playing video games with Puck last night.

Fortunately for once, Puck comes to his aid. "Wanna check out the bouncy house, Finn? Q says there's a weight limit, but fuck that, I'm going in."

"Sure." Relieved, Finn follows Puck over to the bouncy house, where Brittany and Quinn are currently deep in conversation about the decorations while Connor and Damian bounce away.

"Hey, Finn," Quinn greets before turning sharply to her husband, who's bending dangerously close to the entrance. "Don't even think about it!"

"I just wanted to see the inside!"

"No, you _wanted_ to bounce," she corrects, eyeing him suspiciously. "Your fat ass better not get anywhere near the inside. You'll deflate it."

"Fat ass?" Puck looks at Finn. "She's talking to you."

"I'm talking to you and you know it. I'm watching you." She glares at Puck before turning back to Brittany. "So you and Rachel made all the decorations?"

Brittany nods happily as she watches Connor bounce. "We've been working on it for the last week. I can't wait for her to see it."

"She's not here yet?"

"She'll be here soon. She's bringing- _Connor!_ Stop that!" Brittany demands, peering into the bouncy house to see Connor pushing a little girl over.

Finn, bored of the conversation and the bouncy house, allows his eyes to wander over the yard. His parents are talking to Artie's parents, while Kurt is deep in conversation with a recently arrived Mike and Tina. The sound of the sliding door opening attracts his attention and he looks just in time to see a young woman come out.

_Whoa._

He stares, admiring her smoking hot body as she strides confidently across the deck towards the cooler of beer, his eyes taking in her tiny shorts and the tank top showcasing her ample chest. He nudges Puck, a needless move since Puck is also blatantly staring at her. "Dude, who is _that_?"

Puck smirks. "Forget it, Hudson. Whoever she is, she's _way_ out of your league."

"And you're married," Quinn reminds him, rolling her eyes. "So pick your jaw up off the floor."

Finn snickers, his eyes still watching the woman as she bent over to dig through the cooler. Her ass looks fantastic in those shorts and he found himself tracing the curve of her body with her eyes, Puck doing the same beside him.

"God, look at the two of them," Quinn comments to Brittany. "You'd think they've never seen a woman before."

Brittany follows their gaze. "Oh! Santana's here!"

Finn nods absently, his eyes still fixed on her, but Puck somehow manages to recover his facilities. "Where the fuck have you been keeping her? Hudson's about to blow his load."

"Santana just moved back from California. We went to college together," Brittany explains.

He continues to watch Santana, who's now straightened up and is standing near Kurt with a bored look on her face. He doesn't know why she looks so bored, but he knows one thing.

This party just got a whole lot better.

* * *

This party officially _blows._

Thanks to Brittany and her unknown friend Rachel, he's become the official Elmo tattoo artist. Brittany had handed him a stack of Elmo and Sesame Street tattoos while he'd been distracted ogling Santana, asking him to start putting them on the kids. Apparently, that meant _he_ had to have one too, since Brittany insisted she'd never seen a tattoo artist without tattoos.

As a result, he now had Elmo's portrait on his bicep, along with Cookie Monster. Word got out about his new job and he soon had kids lined up next to his chair. He'd dutifully got to work tattooing the kids while simultaneously cursing out Brittany and the mysterious Rachel in his head, keeping one eye on Santana at the same time, who'd been deep in conversation with Brittany's mom for a while over by the pool.

"Alright, little dudette, you're all set." He smiles as he watches Mike and Tina's daughter Emily stare wide eyed at the glittery tattoo he'd just placed on her hand for a moment before she runs off to show her father. He's pretty sure Emily was the last kid to be tattooed, so he gets up, stretching, mentally trying to figure out a way to talk to Santana, since he doubts she'd want an Elmo tattoo.

Brittany's mom has just left Santana alone by the pool and he's just about to make a move when Brittany corners him again.

"Finn guess what?" she chirps, still wearing her party hat at a jaunty angle.

"What?" he asks; hoping she's going to say Santana asked about him and wants to Brittany to introduce them.

No such luck.

"Rachel and I made a Pin the Fin on Dorothy game and since you're a Finn with an N you get to be in charge and show the kids how to play." She beams, clearly excited by the game. "Rachel thought it would be cute."

_Really_? He doesn't know who this Rachel is but she's really getting on his nerves and ruining his plans. Brittany takes his silence as an assent and grabs his hand leading him over to Artie, who's hanging a large poster of Dorothy on the fence, a bevy of kids excitedly dancing around his wheelchair.

"Ready to pin the fin, Finn?" Artie's grin is the last thing he sees before Brittany blindfolds him, tying the knot extra tight so he can't cheat. She quickly spins him around as she instructs all the kids to watch Finn. He doesn't know how he's going to do this since he saw how low Artie was hanging that poster and thanks to Brittany's impressive knot tying skills he can't even see the ground.

Fortunately, Brittany gives him a push forward and Artie's murmurs of "_by your knees_" helps him and he bends way down, about to place Dorothy's fin where he_ hopes_ the board is when he hears a new voice saying hello to Brittany.

A voice he likes.

He pauses, wondering if it's Santana, but somehow he doesn't think so. Santana looks like she'd have a sexy sultry voice and this voice is more feminine and sexy in a completely different way.

A way he likes better. _Much_ better.

He haphazardly places the fin on the board, attempting to pull off the blindfold at the same time, but Brittany's tied it so tight he can't even slide it off. Frantic, he fumbles with the knot trying to see who the voice belongs to, since he doesn't hear it anymore.

What he does hear is Artie, his voice annoyed and somehow accusatory at the same time. "Uh oh. Brittany! You _promised_."

"Connor did it!"

"You expect me to believe that Connor invited _her_?"

Brittany's answer comes just as he _finally_ managed to get the blindfold off. "He did! He mentioned the party yesterday when he saw her yelling at the mailman with her bullhorn. You _know_ he likes that bullhorn!"

He looks around, trying to see who that voice could possibly belong to, but all he sees is a defensive Brittany and an annoyed Artie staring back at the house, plus a bedlam of kids waiting to pin the fin.

Connor attaches himself to his leg and he ruffles his hair as he follows Artie's gaze to the deck, where he notices a tall blonde woman in a track suit wielding a bullhorn.

"Wheels!" the woman barks into her bullhorn, which is currently aimed at Artie. "I've been here for a full minute and yet I _still_ don't have a drink in my hand. Get me a Rob Roy stat!"

"Who is that?" Finn whispers to Artie, who's made no move to get the woman a Rob Roy. Connor abandons his leg, clapping his hands in excitement as Emily attempts to pin her fin on the board.

"That's our new neighbor, Sue," Artie whispers back. "She's insane."

Sue stalks off the deck and heads for them, bullhorn in hand and an expression of disgust on her face. "What's with the lame games, R2D2? I thought this was a party?"

"It's a kid's party, Sue," Artie explains calmly. "All the games are for them."

Connor helps his case by sticking his fin on Finn's knee, proudly announcing that he put his fin on Finn.

Sue smirks. "I'm not playing pin the tail on Gigantor. Lucky for you I prepared for a lame party."

Finn and Artie both follow Sue's pointing finger to see a young blonde girl wearing a track suit identical to Sue's busy setting up a volleyball net on the grass.

"Sue! You can't set that up here! We need that space for Duck Duck Goose!" Artie insists.

Sue ignores him, aiming her bullhorn at the party in general. "Attention party goers. Wheels has just realized how lame this party is. Fortunately for him, Sue Sylvester is here to save the day."

"Sue!"

Sue ignores Artie, turning her bullhorn on Finn. "Doughboy! Front and center!"

Finn shifts uncomfortably as he glances at Artie, hoping she's not talking to him.

"Is this thing on?" Sue demands, tapping the bullhorn to check. "Did you hear me, Gigantor?"

Apparently she _is_ talking to him.

He stares at her, unsure of why exactly she wants him and even more unsure of why she's calling him Gigantor since she's about the same size. "Me?"

"Well obviously I don't mean Orville Reddenbacher in the chair!" Sue barks into her bullhorn. "I've crapped bigger than him."

Resisting the urge to laugh, Finn concentrates on answering Sue. "Uh, what do you want?"

The bullhorn is once again aimed at Finn. "Congratulations! You have the honor of being the captain of the team that loses to Team Sylvester!"

"Huh?"

This time the bullhorn is aimed at Artie. "Wheels! I don't speak Lard Ass! Explain to him what we're doing."

Artie sighs. "Sue's chosen you to play against her team in volleyball."

"Oh." His eyes dart around the yard wondering if Santana (or worse, the owner of that voice) heard Sue call him Lard Ass. "Um, let me get Puck and Mike and we'll play."

"No need." Sue aims her bullhorn at the Mike and Tina who are nearby. "Asians!"

"Are you talking to us?" Tina asks, exchanging glances with Mike.

"I don't want _you_," Sue barks. "I want the other Asian! And while I'm at it, I'll take Mr. T over there."

"Wait, who do I get then?" Finn demands. "You already took Mike and Puck."

"Not my problem, Grimace," Sue replies through her bullhorn. "You have five minutes to assemble a losing team."

She's totally serious about the five minutes, whipping out a stopwatch and he scrambles to assemble a team. At the end of the five minutes, his team consists of his mom, Kurt and Jacob Ben Israel, this incredibly annoying kid they'd gone to high school with and for reasons unknown to the rest of them, Brittany had stayed friends with.

Great.

Kurt's the same as having a stuffed animal on his team and considering the fact that Jacob just got tangled in the net standing still, he doesn't have high hopes for him either. He's hoping he got his sports prowess from his mom, but that's not looking too likely since she's standing next to Kurt discussing the latest episode of _Grey's Anatomy_ rather than at the net like he told her to.

"Tubs! Get ready for a beat down, the likes of which have not been seen since Siskel and Ebert got into an argument over Ebert's raving review of _Glitter_!" Sue barks, grabbing the ball from Mike and serving it right at Kurt, who puts his hands over his head and ducks. "That's one!"

He sighs, attempting to rally his team but to no avail. Sue's team quickly scores six points before his team even has the chance to serve once. He serves the ball, racing to the net to cover for Kurt, who hasn't even noticed the game started again, since he's texting on his phone at the net. Puck hits the ball back over and his mom actually manages to hit the ball back to Sue's team.

He turns his head to congratulate his mom when he hears it.

_"I'm sorry I was so late Artie, but my car died."_

It's the same sexy voice from before and it's coming from the deck. He whirls his head around trying to see who the source of the voice is, but whoever it is, is not in view. He's craning his neck to see better when he hears a very _unwelcome_ voice.

"Pay attention, Nancy! This Sylvester Spike's got your name on it!"

He turns his head back just in time to see Sue high in the air across the net from him, spiking the ball on a trajectory straight _at_ him. He puts his hands up to block it at the last second (and also to avoid getting hit in the face) but the ball ricochets off his hands and heads straight for the deck.

"Heads up!" he calls out as he runs to the base of the deck ramp, hoping the ball doesn't hit anyone.

Too late.

He winces as the ball bounces off the back of a small girl who's bent over a cooler. Startled, she stands up straight, allowing him to see that it's not a girl, but is in fact a woman.

A _way_ hot woman.

She's tiny, with long dark hair and dark brown eyes that are staring in surprise at him. His eyes roam over her red dress, noticing immediately that she's got long shapely legs underneath and he stares back at her, the fact that he just hit her with a volleyball completely forgotten.

Fortunately, he's got Burt to remind him. His stepdad picks up the ball and tosses it back to Finn, fully expecting him to catch it. Finn, completely mesmerized by this girl, once again fails to see the ball coming this way and it hits him in the face before rolling lazily back towards the game.

"Hey! Heads up yourself," Burt calls out teasingly. "You trying to make this poor girl feel better by getting hit yourself?"

She laughs at that and his mouth drops open in shock.

It's _her_. She's the voice he'd heard before, the one that had him so enchanted. He continues to stare at her just as Brittany comes up to him, a sleeping Connor in her arms. "Rachel, where did you put those Elmo hats we made?"

"Oh! I left them inside!" She beams, rushing over to the door and holding it open for Brittany to go through. "I'll show you where!"

Whoa.

He's wrapping his head around the fact that the unknown Rachel who's been a pain in his ass all afternoon is the same totally smoking girl with the sexy voice that he's just nailed with a volleyball when he hears that same unpleasant voice.

"Lurch! Contrary to what you think, the game is over here! And bring the guy who nailed you in the face. Not only did he do you a big favor by improving your looks, that hit earned him a spot on Team Sylvester," Sue barks, having procured her bullhorn from the side of the court.

His face flushes and he's about to head back to the game when Artie wheels down the ramp, coming to a stop next to him.

"Good news Finn," he announces as he brakes. "I did a little reconnaissance and Santana's single and looking for a good time. Brits says she's really sexually aggressive."

"Huh?" Finn asks, completely distracted by the fact that Rachel has come back out on the deck. "Who is?"

"Weren't you listening?" Artie demands. "_Santana_ is. You'll be having a good night tonight."

"Santana who?" he asked blankly, suddenly jealous of Burt since he's talking to Rachel as he hands her a water out of the cooler. Rachel's laughing at something Burt's just said and he _really_ hopes he's not telling her about the time Kurt dared him to eat some questionable meat and he threw up all over his mom.

"Santana! Quinn just told me you were drooling over her before?"

"Oh right, her. Yeah, she's hot," he replies absently, still wondering what the hell Burt was talking with Rachel about.

"I thought so. I'll make sure to introduce you later," Artie offers, nodding towards Santana on the deck. "Remember, she's sexually aggressive. You might even get some in the car."

"Yeah, that'd be great," he replies distractedly, still watching Burt and Rachel converse. He was _so _cornering Burt later. Burt totally owes him for all he burgers he's snuck in for him over the years so he better be talking him up.

"Wheels! Stop giving Herman Munster tips on how to be even more lame! He's got a game to lose!"

Finn sighs, sneaking one last look at the deck. "Gotta go."

His team loses handily, the one bright spot being Jacob falling in the pool as he ran to hit the ball. Finn himself spent the remainder of the game plotting out conversation starters in his head which meant they lost in under five minutes, a time Sue claimed was a World Record.

He waits until Sue storms off to call Guinness Book before he darts to the deck, hoping she's still with Burt since that would give him the _perfect_ in.

Naturally, Rachel's nowhere to be found and Burt's now talking to Artie's dad. While he'd normally jump right into a conversation about the Yankees, he's kind of on a mission to find out more about Rachel.

He plops himself down next to Burt, hoping his presence will put an end to the current conversation and they can move on to much more important things, like Rachel.

After a few perfunctory comments by Finn about the Yankees, Artie's dad inadvertently gives him an opportunity to get information. "So Finn, enjoying the party?"

"Yeah," he says casually. "Brittany did a great job on the decorations."

"Well she had some help," Artie's dad tells him cheerfully.

"Oh did she?" he asks, as if he didn't know. He can see Burt looking at him out of the corner of his eye (probably wondering what's with Finn's sudden interest in decorating) and he squirms a little, suddenly wishing that Kurt was there to talk decorations.

"I stopped by the other day and they were busy making buttons and goody bags." Artie's dad takes a drink of his beer before he continues. "Brittany and her little friend Rachel even worked backstage on them during shows."

Finn's ears prick up at this tidbit and he tries his best to be casual. "That's convenient. I guess she's a dancer too?"

Artie's dad shrugs. "Not sure."

"She's not a dancer. She's the assistant stage manager but she's hoping to get her big break soon," Burt clarifies, a sly grin on his face as he stares at Finn. "She told me all about it when she introduced herself before."

"Oh really?" Finn comments, squirming under Burt's all knowing gaze. "Assistant stage manager, huh?"

"You considering a change of career, Finn?" Burt asks slyly. "I know how much you _love_ Broadway."

Finn flushes, running a hand over his neck. "Uh no."

"Thats too bad," Burt quips. "I was gonna say you should talk to her and find out about the job. I'm _sure_ you'd be more than willing to listen to what she had to say."

He flushes even more and looks out into the yard, his eyes scanning the yard for any sign of Rachel. Sue's stormed back into the yard and is terrorizing the bouncy house and he sees Artie talking to Santana on the lawn but Rachel is nowhere to be found. "I uh, do like Broadway. Kurt, uh, got me into it."

"Right. Your sudden interest in Broadway is because of _Kurt_," Burt teases.

"He did," Finn defends, noticing that Rachel has appeared over by the food table. He sits up a little straighter, watching her place various condiment bottles on the table. She arranges the bottles and steps back, eyeing her work critically for a moment and he stares, memorizing the way she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear as she contemplates.

"Uh huh, right," Burt teases, his eyes following Finn's gaze over to the food table. "Bet you're hungry now, right Finn?"

He glared at Burt, knowing that the tips of his ears were going pink. "Uh, yeah. I could eat."

Ignoring Burt's smirk, Finn stands, fully intending to offer his services at the food table. He heads over there, mentally thinking of something better to say to Rachel other than _I'm the loser who hit you with the volleyball, _but coming up empty.

Rachel's now attempting to light the sternos to heat the food and he's just about to open his mouth to offer help when Jacob Ben Israel totally cuts in front of him and breathlessly asks Rachel if she needs help.

Rachel straightens to stare at him. "Why thank you, Jacob, that's quite chivalrous of you."

He watches her hand the matches over to Jacob with a smile and he's not sure but he _thinks_ her smile got a little wider when her eyes flickered past Jacob to him.

Still in disbelief that Jacob beat him to Rachel, he takes a step closer, planning to eliminate Jacob from the equation. Jacob's actually making it really easy for him, since he's accumulating a small pile of matches on the table in an attempt to get one match to light and he can tell Rachel's getting annoyed. Once again, he's just about to open his mouth, when someone else steps in front of him.

"Oh baby, there you are," Carole says as she looks up at him. "I need you to go to the store."

"Huh?" He stares past his mom to Rachel, pleased but embarrassed that Rachel is watching him and his mom while Jacob still tries to light a match next to her.

"Brittany's just told me that she forgot to get the Italian bread for the meatballs I made which means that we can't have heroes like she planned. I need you to go get me Italian bread."

"Now?" he cries. His eyes fall on Rachel again, who's now bent over the table arranging the Elmo plates and he can totally see down the front of her dress, which is _awesome_. To his annoyance, Jacob has noticed this also, the box of matches in his hand completely forgotten as he ogles Rachel and he's sorely tempted to take one of the ears of corn lying nearby and start hitting Jacob with it for even looking at Rachel like that.

"Yes, now," Carole admonishes.

"Why can't Kurt go?" he demands, frowning as a guy he doesn't know says something that he can't hear to Rachel, who smiles at him. His face falls as he watches her go inside with the guy, wondering if that's her boyfriend.

Jacob's evidently wondering the same thing because he puts the matches down and follows them inside, something Finn sorely wishes he could do, but instead he's got to listen to his mom's explanation as to why Kurt can't go, why it _has_ to be him.

"Fine, I'll go," he mutters, dying to know who that guy is.

Carole beams. "Hurry baby, we're almost ready to eat."

He nods, hurrying out of the yard to his car, his mind analyzing every detail of Rachel's interactions with that guy.

The car ride to the supermarket has him convincing himself that that's her boyfriend (or worse, her husband) and he should just back off or let Jacob take the fall. The bread aisle of the supermarket somehow sees a reversal of this and he's much cheerier as he grabs the requested loaves, now believing that that guy was just another guest at the party, which meant he could totally make a move once he got back.

His mind flips back to Rachel having a boyfriend as he pays and drives back to the party. Someone as hot as her _has_ to, it's like a rule. The thought runs through his head on an endless loop as he parks and walks back into the house.

"Here," he says glumly, handing his mom the bread. His mom nods, clearly distracted as she grabs a knife to start cutting.

Rachel, he notices, is in the kitchen too, pausing her salad tossing to smile shyly at him.

He smiles back, his eyes doing a quick ring check. He's relieved to see only bare hand and eliminates the husband theory although he supposes she could still have a boyfriend.

The fact that she smiled at him has to mean _something _but he's damned if he knows what_. _He debates saying something to her but chickens out at the last minute, instead giving her another smile before he goes back outside.

His mood gets a little better when he sees the guy she'd gone inside with kissing some girl in the pool which he thinks means he can totally make a move on Rachel (he refuses to consider Jacob serious competition, he just does) and he makes up his mind to talk to her.

At some point today.

He's going to talk to her, he is. He's just going to wait for the perfect opportunity.

And the courage.

* * *

Ok, so he hasn't gotten the nerve to talk to her yet, but he's totally been watching her every movement (which does _not_ make him a stalker, no matter what Kurt says). Besides, he can't exactly move in before he knows her situation, guy wise. So far, he's watched her talk to a few different men (none of which he knew) and to his supreme annoyance, a tall guy with brownish-blond hair wearing a suit (seriously, who wears a suit to an _Elmo_ party?) was usually near her.

He spies his chance when she's refilling the bowls of banana chips in the kitchen. He doesn't know where the douche in the suit is but he's not about to blow this opportunity. Dinner's over so his mom can't send him to the store and he's successfully distracted Jacob with a Victoria's Secret catalogue he'd found in Artie's den which means he's free to make a move.

Ever suave, he runs his fingers over his eyebrows and grabs a bowl of banana chips, dumping them on the floor before he attempts to smoothly sidle up next to her, a move which is totally blown when he trips over Connor's toy truck lying abandoned in the middle of the kitchen and practically slams into the fridge.

He's mortified but for once luck seems to be on his side since he manages to right himself before she turns around.

She's staring at him, clearly waiting for him to say something, which totally sucks since his tongue is tied in a million knots. He knows that this is the opportunity to turn on the charm, but his mind goes blank and he can only think of one thing to say. "Bananas! I...I mean... I need banana chips."

"Wow! I just filled these. I guess they're pretty popular!" She smiles at him, holding her hand out for the bowl just as he thrusts his hand forward. Their fingers graze in the transfer and the feeling of her fingers touching his sends a million sparks shooting through his body and he wonders if she feels it too.

He hopes she does.

His eyes are fixed on her as she refills the bowl, his fingers playing nervously with the hem of his t-shirt. "Um yeah...everyone should follow Elmo's diet."

Oh God.

He did _not_ just say that. He couldn't have. There's just _no way_ he was that lame, that he'd actually quote his _mom_ when trying to pick up a girl. His face goes scarlet and he stares at the ground, too mortified to look at her.

The giggle that reaches his ears makes him feel slightly better and he dares to look up, relieved to see that Rachel looks amused and not repulsed. He smiles tentatively at her, his fingers still playing with his shirt. "I…I just wanted to apologize for hitting you. Sue spiked the ball at me and I wasn't ready."

"It's perfectly alright, Finn. These things happen." She laughs, placing a hand on his arm, her laugh sounding like the pealing of church bells to him.

"Still. You could have-wait. How do you know my name?"

He's momentarily panicked, wondering if his mom decided to try and party matchmake again. Last time, at his cousin Lauren's wedding, she'd worked her way from table to table, telling the single girls (and single waitresses) about her equally single son who'd come alone to the wedding. She'd lined up dances for him, which was a _bad_ idea, since his dancing scared off most of the girls and the ones who weren't scared off were scary themselves.

She fingers the button he's forgotten he's wearing before her eyes drift up to stare at him. "You have Dorothy the goldfish on your button."

"Huh?" He has no idea what she's talking about, but he's more than happy to stare at her as she elaborates.

"When Brittany and I were making them, I decided that only you should have Dorothy since your name is also a fish part. I thought it would be cute, especially since you're Connor's Godfather. You know, something special just for you." She smiles at him, worrying her bottom lip in this way he finds so adorable (and sexy. Definitely sexy).

"Oh. Yeah…yeah I am." Relief flows through him at the thought that his mom was leaving his dating life alone (for now) and he stares at her, noticing how dark a shade of brown her eyes were. It reminds him of a Milky Way Dark candy bar, which is like his favorite candy bar _ever _and he finds himself staring at her even more. Her hair, he decides, isn't the quite the same color as a Milky Way Dark bar and instead likens it to a regular Milky Way (which is totally his _second_ favorite candy bar and therefore just as awesome).

"I like you tattoo," she offers with a smile, gesturing to Elmo grinning happily at her from his bicep.

He flushes, having totally forgotten about that damn tattoo. "Um, I was putting tattoos on the kids and Brittany insisted I needed one too."

"Well I think it's cute." A blush appears on her face when she says this, in a way that he finds totally hot.

He lets his fingers play nervously with his hem as he stares. "So um..."

"Rachel! There you are!" The suit wearing douche he'd noticed hovering around her before comes up to them, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Are you ready to leave? I'm Elmo'd out and I need to be back in time for warm-ups."

"Oh of course. I'll be right there, Sebastian." She bites her lip as she stares at Finn, Sebastian tapping the floor impatiently next to her. Each tap makes Finn's annoyance level rise and he finds himself wanting to grab a volleyball and nail him with it. "I have to go but it was lovely to meet you."

"You're leaving?" he blurts out. "Connor hasn't even cut the cake yet. And it's a totally awesome cake. I should know, my brother made it and even though he wouldn't let me try any, his cakes are always incredible."

"We have to go," Sebastian says firmly, taking a hold of Rachel's elbow. Finn's eyes follow his hand, trying to determine if that was the move of a douchy boyfriend or a douchy friend.

"I think we can wait a few minutes." She smiles at Finn, shaking her elbow free from the guy Finn _really_ hopes is just a friend. "After all, it would be rude to go before singing happy birthday."

"Rachel, we have to get back to the city," Sebastian insists. "I told you numerous times on the way here, Cipriani's at 8 remember?"

"Yes, I'm aware."

He's pleased to detect an iciness in her voice, the kind of iciness usually reserved for an annoying friend and _not_ a boyfriend. He should know, he'd heard Quinn use it a hundred times on Puck before they started dating. He eyes the suit douche, who's now got a hand against Rachel's back but he can't tell if it's in the friend zone or the boyfriend zone. His neck cranes a little, trying to determine hand placement.

Rachel turns slightly, making the hand drop but he doesn't know if that's the simple friend _don't touch me there_ or the more complicated girlfriend _don't touch me I'm mad at you_ move.

"Then you're aware I need time to change since Connor got an Elmo cupcake on my sleeve," Sebastian insists, holding out his sleeve so Rachel can see the Elmo red frosting still residing there.

Finn resists the urge to snort but vows to slip Connor some candy or something as a thank you. "That sucks."

"Connor is asleep. I can't leave without saying goodbye to the birthday boy," Rachel insists, smiling at Finn. "He'll be up soon. We'll sing and then we can leave."

He smiles back, hoping Connor takes a long ass nap.

Suit Douche frowns, looking from Rachel to Finn. "_Rachel. _It's imperative to be at Cipriani's at 8."

"I _know_. I've been hearing about it for days," she replies, her smile fading a little. "And we'll leave after we sing. Didn't you promise Brittany you'd give a performance?"

Suit Douche mulls her words. "You're right, I did. A Broadway performance from _Guys and Dolls_ own Skye Masterson will really make the party."

"You'd better go warm up then," Rachel urges, throwing another smile at Finn.

"Good thinking. I better go find an acoustically perfect room."

To Finn's relief, he hurries off, leaving him alone with Rachel once again. He smiles down at her, intending to start a conversation that doesn't involve the words Elmo or banana chips. "So you're-"

"Rachel!"

Damn. Frustrated at being interrupted _again_, he turns to see Suit Douche coming back their way.

"Rachel! I can't find an acceptable room but its ok since Connor is up," he announces. "We can sing and then leave."

Seriously? Could his luck get any worse? Forget giving Connor extra candy, he's totally gonna play with the drum set he got him for his birthday before Connor can since he just cockblocked him. He stares down at Rachel, wondering why she looks annoyed.

"Oh. I guess I better go help Brittany then." She gives him another smile before hurrying off, leaving him with Suit Douche.

Not about to stay and talk to him, Finn debates following Rachel, but before he can do anything, he sees Artie gesturing to him. Relieved that he doesn't have to talk to the suit douche, he hurries over, noticing for the first time that Artie's not alone.

"Finn, this is Brittany's friend Santana," Artie announces immediately. "I'll just leave you two to talk."

Mortified at Artie's obviousness, Finn blushes, looking past Santana into the dining room where Rachel is talking to Brittany about something. He smiles, not realizing that Artie has already wheeled off.

"So what's your deal?" Santana asks bluntly.

"Huh?" Startled, he tears his gaze from Rachel to look at Santana.

"What's your deal?" she repeats. "Artie says you're a video game geek too?"

"Oh. Um yeah," he replies, his gaze going back to Rachel after taking a quick peek at Santana's rack (one good thing about this party, he's seen a lot of boobs).

"In my experience, game geeks are pretty lame in bed, although good with their hands," she critiques.

"Yeah," he agrees absently, busy watching Rachel, who he notices has lifted her eyes to look in his direction. "You're totally right."

Santana snorts. "Smooth. But lucky for you, I'm in the mood to have a little _fun_."

He tears his gaze from Rachel when he feels Santana step closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What?"

She runs a hand down his arm, giving his bicep a squeeze. "Hmm. Slightly firm, I can work with this."

He notices Rachel is staring at him out of the corner of his eye and he finally realizes what Santana is talking about. "Uh that's really nice of you but-"

She pulls his head down to his level, her tongue licking his ear once before she murmurs into it. "Why don't we get out of here?"

"Um, I need to be here to help Connor," he lies, trying to free himself.

"You're kidding me right?"

"No. I need to um...make sure he doesn't spit when he blows out the candles," he replies, noticing that Rachel has completely stopped arranging desserts and is staring in his direction.

"I think the Rugrat can handle a few candles," she decrees, running her hands up his shirt and over his chest.

"It's not just that. I have to um, test the candles to make sure they're working right." He closes his eyes, hardly believing he was that lame _again_. He glances over to the dining room, noticing that Rachel is no longer there. "Maybe some other time."

"Seriously?" Santana demands, arching an eyebrow. "Wait. Hold up. You a virgin or something?"

He ignores her, walking away and looking around for Rachel. Suit Douche is nowhere to be found either, which worries him. He's still not sure what their relationship is, but he knows one thing: he's determined to talk to her again.

And this time, he won't be lame.

* * *

He doesn't get to do it again.

The opportunity arises for him to be lame several more times that night (once including sitting on Burt's plate of desserts) but he never gets to talk to Rachel again, since apparently she's like a ninja and slipped out before Connor blew out his candles.

He asks Brittany but she just says that Rachel had to get back to the city and he spends the rest of the party wondering why she left when she seemed determined to wait to sing Happy Birthday.

Artie's no help at work on Monday, coming into Finn's office to discuss the party's success and Santana.

"So Mike told me that Tina wants Brittany to help her plan a Dora party for Emily since she did such an awesome job with the decorations," Artie enthuses, not even noticing Finn's funk.

He's about to respond with a standard response, when he realizes what Artie's just said. "Wait. I thought Rachel helped Brittany."

"Yeah, she did. Tina wants them both to help," Artie replies. He stares at Finn curiously. "So how was Santana?"

"Kind of slutty. So was Brittany mad Rachel left?" he asks, trying to sound casual.

"That's what makes it fun. So just how aggressive is she?" Artie demands.

"She comes on pretty strong but um, Brittany didn't say anything about why Rachel left?" he stammers, hoping Artie picks up on his hint.

"I have no idea. So did you sleep with her? Where'd you two do it?" Artie asks, eager for details. "Brittany told me she said you were doable."

"Who said that? Rachel?" Finn questions, the thought of a naked Rachel now burned into his brain. Blushing, he shifts his chair further under the desk, hoping Artie doesn't notice anything.

"Rachel?!" Artie cries. "You'd crush her! Besides, she's so scary and intense, I bet she's like that in bed too. She'd probably schedule everything out. I'm talking about Santana."

"Oh. No, I didn't sleep with her," he replies, seriously doubting that Rachel would be rigid in bed. The thought of her in his bed is making his pants tight and he's going to need a change of subject _fast_.

"No worries. Fourth of July is in a few weeks, you can try again then," Artie decides. "Brittany and Rachel already have plans to get together and make the decorations for our annual party."

"Really?" Finn perks up at this news, assuming that if Rachel is helping Brittany, that must mean she's invited. "That's awesome."

It really is. Brittany always throws a huge party for the Fourth of July and since all the games will be designed for adults, his chances of looking lame in front of Rachel are significantly decreased (and he'll totally be on the lookout for stray plates of food before he sits. He's sick of seeing Puck reenact it). Plus, he'll get to see her in a bathing suit, which will probably make the Fourth of July like his favorite holiday ever.

He grins at the thought of seeing Rachel again (hopefully in a bikini), completely forgetting about Artie in front of him.

"Excited about seeing her again?" Artie asks knowingly, taking in the glazed over look on his best friend's face.

"Hell yeah," he replies, his mind imagining Rachel in various bikinis while he planned out their next meeting. While he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't say or do anything lame in front of Rachel, he _could_ guarantee that this time, not only would he say more than two words to her, he'd be getting her phone number.

No matter what.

* * *

_**A/N: So this is just going to be a three shot, possibly four, of the developing relationship between Finn and Rachel over the course of a few parties at Brittany's. I do have them written for the most part, so they'll be up soon, as well as updates to my other stories.**_

_**I got the idea for this while at an Elmo party for a cousin. Like Rachel, I was hit in the back with a volleyball while bending over a cooler, but unlike Rachel, it was a cousin who hit me :(**_


	2. A Kiss To Build A Dream On

_**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine**_

* * *

**_"I always say that there is no greater act of courage than to be the one who kisses first." _**

**_- Mad about You_**

* * *

Brittany's annual 4th of July Christmas Party falls on a Monday.

She knows because it's Saturday and she's currently on her way to Brittany's house to help her plan for the party and while she doesn't quite understand the connection between the two events, she's more than willing to help Brittany out, especially since there's a chance she could find out more information about Finn.

He's been on her mind ever since their all too brief conversation at Connor's party. He was so different from all the guys she met in the Broadway world and she liked the shy clumsy way he had about him (it also didn't hurt that he somehow managed to be gorgeous and adorable all at the same time too). She still couldn't figure out how he was able to make an Elmo tattoo look ridiculously sexy, but he had and she'd found herself wondering if he'd had anymore tattoos that she could discover (and if she _had_ to rip his clothes off to find them, so be it).

She'd been surly all the way back to Manhattan, annoyed at Sebastian for insisting they leave just because he'd heard that an up and coming producer was going to be dining at Cipriani's that night and he wanted to casually bump into him. She was even more annoyed at her car for breaking down, since that was the whole reason she'd had to hitch a ride with Sebastian in the first place.

What annoyed her most of all was the fact that she'd had to watch that _tramp_ hanging all over him. She'd kept a lookout out of the corner of her eye, trying to figure out their status especially since she'd thought she'd noticed Finn staring at _her_ while he'd talked to the Tramp. The fact that the Tramp had been throwing herself at Finn and he wasn't walking away had been enough for her and fortunately Sebastian was more than happy to leave, Emily having spilt some juice on him. She'd been analyzing what she'd seen ever since the party and she'd finally come to the conclusion as she drove to Brittany's that the girl was just a tramp.

Brittany greets her at the door, smile on her face and an elf hat on her head. "You're here!"

"I am," she laughs as she steps inside the house, the air conditioning a welcome respite from the heat outside. "I'm ready to plan the 4th of July party."

"It's the Founding Father's 4th of July Christmas Extravaganza," Brittany corrects, leading her into the kitchen. "I've already started making paper chains."

"Right. Um remind me again. Why is it a Christmas party too?" She leans against the counter, fingering a cardboard cutout of the infant Jesus.

"Jesus was like a Founding Father too," Brittany replies in all seriousness as she settles down at the table and resumes making red, white and blue paper chain garlands. "Duh."

Rachel stares in confusion for a moment, deciding to let that drop for now. "So what are we doing?"

"I'm almost done making paper chains for garlands, so why don't you start making paper snowflakes to hang?" Brittany suggests, gesturing to the three colors of paper in front of her. "The white paper is here and I have silver glitter over there."

She's knee deep in glitter and trying to figure out how to casually ask if Finn is coming to the party when she notices Connor, dressed in the Elmo bathing suit she'd gotten him for his birthday and a matching Elmo life jacket, run past the glass door. Frantic, she jumps up, a recently glittered snowflake in her hand. "Oh my God! Connor's outside! Isn't that dangerous?"

Brittany looks up, seemingly unconcerned with the whereabouts of her son. "He's got a life jacket on."

"He's two! He shouldn't be out there!" Rachel insists, watching as Connor runs towards his plastic pool that's sitting on the shallow slope of the in ground pool. "He could drown even with a life jacket! His plastic kiddie pool should be far away from the real pool!"

Brittany checks the pattern of her latest garland before she replies. "Yeah, Artie likes to put his pool there so he can go in the pool and watch him at the same time. They must've moved it."

"Oh, so Artie's out there?" Rachel asks, a hand over her heart as she watches Connor climb into his plastic pool and begin playing with his pool toys. Now that she looks, she can see Artie sitting in the shallow end, talking to Connor.

Brittany nods as she cuts up more blue construction paper. "He just got his new water wheelchair and now that we got rid of the pool steps and made the entrance a slope like a beach, he can wheel right in."

"Thank goodness," Rachel breathes as she sits back down and grabs the scissors to make yet another snowflake. She's just coated the snowflake in glitter when she notices that Connor now has company in his kiddie pool. Her eyes go wide as she realizes who it is.

Finn's here.

The man who's invaded her brain is currently wedged into the kiddie pool, laughing as Connor dumps a bucket of water over his head. She watches, transfixed at how adorable he looks squished into the pool as he shakes his head of excess water. Her jaw drops slightly as he stands up, the sun glistening on his wet, bare chest and she makes a mental note of the way his dark green bathing suit compliments his skin tone.

Her snowflakes forgotten, she smiles as he grabs Connor and steps out of the kiddie pool, walking into the in ground pool until he's deep enough to gently toss a laughing Connor in. Connor quickly surfaces and Finn picks him up, bending in the water until he's shoulder deep, letting Connor splash him as he says something to Artie. Finn stands back up, wading back out of the pool, depositing Connor back in the kiddie pool before he shoehorns himself back in. Connor immediately pours another bucket of water on Finn's head, making Rachel giggle.

The scene absolutely warms her heart and she's so engrossed that she completely misses the fact that Brittany is talking to her. She tears her gaze away from the pool to stare at Brittany. "What?"

"So what do you think, Rachel?" Brittany asks again. "Should we make some of the presidents elves?"

"Hmm." Rachel pretends to ponder as she watches Finn pour a bucket of water over Connor's head, something not appreciated by the toddler, if the shocked look on his face is anything to go by. Connor bursts into tears and she giggles as Finn frantically tries to rectify his mistake by taking the bucket and pouring water over his own head. This evidently cheers Connor up because he stops his crying to grab his plastic shovel in an attempt to use it to pour water on Finn.

It's beyond adorable.

His legs are folded like an accordion and there's hardly any room for Connor but they both look perfectly happy playing in the kiddie pool while Artie watches nearby. She's absolutely fascinated by the tender way he manages to play with Connor while still maintaining what she assumes is an adult conversation with Artie.

"Well?"

Shit. Brittany's staring at her expectantly and she figures she should give an answer, even though her eyes flicker back to the kiddie pool where Finn and Connor are now busy pouring water from one bucket to another. "Oh. Um, I say maybe some of the lesser presidents could be elves."

Brittany nods, satisfied at that answer. She grabs a paper replica of her own elf hat to glue onto a portrait of William Henry Harrison. "He has big ears, he could be an elf."

Rachel laughs as she resumes her snowflake making, keeping an eye on the action in the kiddie pool. She's made five more snowflakes when she notices that Artie has wheeled out of the pool and is headed towards the house. To her disappointment, Finn's still sandwiched in the kiddie pool with Connor and she briefly wonders if Artie is coming to tell them that Finn is stuck and needs help getting out (something she'd be more than happy to assist him with).

Artie waits till the automatic door has slid open before he rolls in, immediately noticing Rachel at the table. "Oh hey Rachel."

"Hi," she replies, sneaking yet another glance at the kiddie pool. "We're making decorations for the party."

"I see." He turns his attention to Brittany, who's busy gluing an elf hat on John Adams. He picks up a cardboard cut out of Ben Franklin, a cheerful red Santa hat now glued to his head. "Brits, I told you, Ben Franklin was never a president."

"His picture is on money," Brittany insists stubbornly. "That means he was a president. It's like the first thing they do when they get elected. They pose for their money picture."

"Not all presidents are on mon..." Artie trails off and just shakes his head, placing Ben Franklin back down on the table.

Rachel, who'd had the same argument with Brittany earlier, just shrugs, her eyes wandering back out to the kiddie pool where Connor, a bucket for a hat on his head, is now attempting to balance a bucket on Finn's head as a hat.

"B, we're hungry," Artie whines. "What's for lunch?"

"So? Grill some hot dogs and make a peanut butter sandwich for Connor," she replies, not bothering to look up. "Have Finn grill. I'm busy."

"He's watching Connor. They're playing in the kiddie pool." He wheels over to the pantry, pulling out the peanut butter. "He's coming 4th of July, by the way."

"Obviously. He comes every year," Brittany replies, hard at work gluing a Santa hat with _George_ written on it in green glitter onto a cardboard cutout of George Washington. She frowns as the hat slips and fails to notice that Rachel is so distracted by Artie's announcement that she's pouring glitter on her hand instead of the snowflake.

"Finn's coming?" Rachel asks as she does another kiddie pool check, still pouring glitter on her hand. "I mean...that's great, the more the merrier right?"

"I tried to get him to be the Abominable Snowman since he's so tall, but he won't do it," Brittany says sadly. "He won't even grow a beard to be Yukon Cornelius."

Rachel sneaks another glance at the kiddie pool, trying to imagine how Finn would look with a slight beard (incredibly sexy). Putting her acting skills to use, she manages to keep calm, even though her heart is threatening to beat right out of her body. She waits until Artie's wheeled over to the fridge and has opened the door to peruse the contents before she speaks. "Oh? Does he normally dress up?"

"Not like this. Finn's more into superheroes like Batman," Artie clarifies.

Rachel nods, storing that Batman tidbit away for future reference.

"Santana's coming too," Brittany announces, eying her hat placement critically. "She's going to be Mrs. Claus, which is perfect since Santana is the girl version of Santa."

Artie glances at her, not bothering to correct her erroneous belief about the name Santana. "Let me guess, Finn agreed to play Santa then?"

Rachel frowns at that, assuming that was the girl she'd noticed Finn talking to at the Elmo party, the one she could never compete with in terms of looks. Singing, yes, but boobs, not so much. She glances down at her chest, her frown growing as Brittany begins to speak.

"Actually, he said no," Brittany answers, writing out _John_ in glue on another Santa hat. She pours the glitter on before she continues speaking. "He seemed interested too. He even asked who was going to be Mrs. Claus."

"Really?" Artie seems surprised by the news, but rubs his chin thoughtfully. "He must've not wanted to look stupid in front of Santana."

Rachel's face falls at Artie's words and she looks down, finally noticing the massive amount of glitter she'd poured on herself. She jumps up, willing her eyes not to tear up at Artie's words as she mumbles an excuse about needing to clean her hands and races to the bathroom.

The water spews out of the faucet the same time the tears fall from her eyes and she scrubs hard, mindful not to use her glitter covered hands to wipe her eyes. Her mind is racing with all this newly discovered insight and she scrubs harder, trying to rid both the evil thoughts and the glitter away.

Of course Finn would like Santana. What's not to like? She's gorgeous and exotic looking, (two things Rachel is not) And she oozes sex appeal (again, something Rachel does not). Plus, she's got the whole big boobs thing going on, which she saw Finn checking out as he was talking to Santana.

She pauses her scrubbing to eye herself critically in the mirror. Had she known Finn was going to be here, she would have styled her hair rather than throw it up in a ponytail and she certainly would have worn make-up. Instead, she's staring at a reflection of herself with streaks of silver glitter in her hair and on her face and she figures that's hardly going to attract Finn. Carefully, she rids herself of the glitter, fixing her hair as best she can on the off chance Finn comes into the kitchen.

Not that he'll look at her after having seen the sexpot that is Santana, but just in case.

Head held high, she walks back into the kitchen, prepared to put on her best _I-didn't-like-him-anyway-and-I-certainly-didn't-wa nt-to-sleep-with-him_ performance to date. Her performance goes down the crapper the second she steps back into the kitchen since Brittany and Artie are no longer alone.

Finn's in the kitchen.

She barely notices Connor, a peanut butter sandwich in one hand, sitting on his father's lap since her eyes zero in on Finn immediately. He's currently searching Brittany's cabinets for something, his back to Rachel, and she takes a moment to appreciate the smooth skin glistening over his broad back muscles. She wonders what it would be like to drag her nails across his back and she can't help but think that it would feel good.

Damn good.

She glances down at her outfit, wishing she hasn't chosen that day to wear her old tank top with the small Scotty dogs printed all over it and her jean shorts, but she'd gambled with pushing laundry day back and lost. Tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, she pauses by the table, unsure if she should make her presence known or if she should wait for either Brittany or Artie to do it.

"Sorry Brit, but I don't see any more presidents up here," Finn announces, his back still to Rachel as he rummages through the cabinet. He finishes searching and begins to speak again, turning around as he does so. "Maybe you..._Rachel_! Hi! I mean um, hey, how are you?"

The smile he's giving her is making her go weak kneed and she slips into her seat before she can make a fool out of herself. She gives him a shy smile in return, hoping the fact that he's staring at her doesn't mean he's comparing her to Santana. "Hello, Finn. What's going on?"

"Lincoln is MIA!" Brittany cries, assuming the question was meant for her. "I can't find him anywhere and it's his turn to get fitted for a hat!"

"I'm sure he's around here somewhere," Rachel soothes, pleased that Finn's chest is in her peripheral vision. "Did you check under the table?"

Brittany brightens and immediately dives under the table, only to pop back up instantly. "He's not there."

"Maybe Lord Tubbington kidnapped him," Artie suggests. "Why don't you check the cat condo?"

Brittany hurries off, leaving Rachel with Artie, Connor, and a still staring Finn. Blushing, she gets to work on another snowflake, carefully cutting the intricate pattern, all too aware of Finn's eyes on her.

She's just putting the glue on for the glitter when Artie scrunches up his nose in disgust.

"_Whoa_! Finn, is that you?" he accuses, fanning the air. "That's disgusting!"

Rachel looks up as the smell hits her and she covers her nose, in disbelief that a smell that vile could come from someone so handsome.

The smell having already invaded his nostrils, Finn turns scarlet, averting his gaze from Rachel as he defends his innocence. "Dude, that wasn't me!"

"God, it's getting worse! What did you eat?" Artie demands, grabbing a Richard Nixon cutout off the table to fan the air around Finn. "I think it's lingering in your bathing suit!"

"Finn poop!" Connor cries, clapping his hands. "Finn poop!"

"Don't listen to him! It wasn't me!" Finn's face turns even more scarlet, his staunch denials ignored as Artie continues to fan the air. "I swear!"

"Well it wasn't me!" Artie insists as he pinches his nose. "This is worse than the time you let one go at the movie theater when we went to see _Star Wars Phantom Menace_. Those girls behind us were gagging!"

"That wasn't me either!" His face turns a deeper shade of scarlet and if she wasn't so repulsed by the smell he'd apparently emitted, she'd find his embarrassment incredibly adorable instead of just adorable. "It must be you!"

"Finn poop!" His accusation thrown, Connor chooses that moment to stand on his father's lap, the source of the horrid smell immediately becoming clear but having the unfortunate bonus of making the smell worse. Rachel quickly pulls her tank top over her nose, trying to block the smell from getting close to her nostrils.

"God!" Artie cries, turning his face away from the smell. "Looks like you were falsely accused but you gotta admit it seemed like one of yours, Finn. Sorry guys, we're still working on potty training."

He quickly wheels out of the room, thankfully taking the smell with him. Face still covered by her tank top, she sneaks a peek at a still scarlet Finn, noticing that even the tips of his ears are red. "Is it safe?"

He takes a whiff. "Um yeah. Yeah it is."

She slowly lowers her tank top from her nose, taking a careful sniff before she commits to lowering her tank top fully. "Thank God."

"Yeah that was pretty bad." He gives her a sheepish smile, his face returning to a normal shade as he rubs the back of his neck. "That kid can really take a crap."

"That may be, but it apparently was not as bad as that time at the movies. Nobody gagged this time," she says slyly, watching as his face immediately reverts back to its previous shade of scarlet, a shade she finds adorable on him.

He rubs the back of his neck. "That was Puck, not me. He just blamed me because he was mad I got the last box of Sour Patch Kids."

Her shoulders start shaking. "Were those girls really gagging?"

His mouth quirks into a smile although his face is still red and he rubs his neck before answering. "Yeah they were. They ran out of there pretty quickly but not before one of them dumped her soda on me since Puck very loudly announced that the smell they were running from came from me."

Her shoulders start shaking more and before she knows it, she's hysterically laughing. She wipes at the tears streaming from her eyes which is a huge mistake since the glitter on her hand becomes lodged in her eye. Her hands fly up to her eye, immediately rubbing and making it worse. "Ow, ow, ow!"

"What? What happened?" he asks immediately.

She squints at him with her good eye, her mind immediately registering the fact that his sounded sounded concerned. For _her_. "I have glitter in my eye."

"You need to wash it out." He's at her side instantly, his hand on the small of her back as he leads her into the bathroom and plops her down on the toilet. She tries really hard not to think about the fact that her skin is tingling where he touched but it's kind of hard to do when he's bending in front of her, one hand on her thigh as he asks to see her eye.

She peers at him with her good eye, shaking her head since she refuses to open her glitter filled one (she highly doubts Santana would ever be stupid enough to get glitter in her eye). Finn appears nonplussed by her refusal, simply cupping her chin with one hand as the other gently pries her eye open.

"Yup. Your eye is that very rare combination of brown with silver specks," he confirms, still cupping her face with one hand as he teases her. "Must drive your boyfriend wild."

"I don't have a boyfriend." She looks down at her lap with her good eye. "I'm focusing on my career now. I'm going to be a star on Broadway, you know."

She's not about to tell him that her career is just an excuse, that men find her intense and a little scary (apparently, men don't like it when you give them matching his and hers cat calendars with their dates already filled in). She figures he buys her excuse because he's giving her a weird look.

"I don't doubt that," he says finally, his voice sounding a little strange. He stands up to grab a paper cup from next to the sink, filling it with water. He resumes his place in front of her, his hand back on her thigh as he bends down. "Who's the douche in the suit then? Open your eye so I can flush it."

"Who?" She lets him tilt her head back and pour some water in as she stares at him with her good eye, scrunching her face when the water flows out of her eye.

"The suit douche, the one who wanted to leave before the cake." He opens her eye with his fingers, gently pouring more water in. "Who wears a suit to a kiddie party?"

"Oh. That's Sebastian. Brits and I work with him. He gave me a ride to the party," she explains, her face again scrunching as the water flows out, this time taking the glitter with it. She stares up at him, wondering why his face is again sporting a strange look but says nothing, since his fingers are smoothing out the skin around her eye as he stares, which she really likes. "I told him when he was dressing that it was inappropriate to wear a suit but he didn't care."

He pulls his hand away from her face suddenly. "Yeah, he kinda stood out. Lemme see your eye."

She giggles as he uses his hand to tilt her head towards his, his face so close she could kiss him if she wanted to (and she _really_ wants to).

But she doesn't.

Instead, she stares at his eyes, watching them watch her. "Is it all gone?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah it is." He stands suddenly, his face flushed.

"Oh. Then I guess I should get back to my snowflakes." She stands also, reluctantly following him out of the bathroom and back to the table. She grabs her scissors and a fresh piece of paper, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Finn has opened the fridge and buried his face in it.

She should say something, she should. She's been told by numerous people what an excellent conversationalist she is and since Finn is still buried in the fridge, it's clearly up to her (even if she's suddenly unsure of what to say). But before she can speak, Brittany bounces back into the room, her Lincoln portrait clenched in her left hand.

"Good news! I found Lincoln!" she bubbles. "Lord Tubbington was holding him hostage in his upstairs cat condo. I think he's a secret Confederate sympathizer, you know. I've been on the lookout for Confederate flags hanging in his condos but he's too sneaky."

"You keep on that Brit." Leaning on the door of the fridge as he speaks, Finn's voice holds a note of amusement and she finds herself liking him more just for that.

He pulls open the fridge again, this time removing a package of hot dogs and some sausages before plucking a bag of chips off the counter. "I'll leave you guys to decorate. When Artie comes back tell him I'm grilling."

Brittany nods, busy fitting Lincoln for his Santa hat and Rachel looks down at her snowflakes, concentrating on the intricate pattern she's begun to cut.

"Um...I like your snowflakes."

Startled, she looks up to see Finn right next to her, admiring her work. "Thanks. I um..made them white because snow is um, white."

He nods and walks out and she immediately kicks herself for saying something as lame as they're white. Of course they were white! What other color would she use?

She bites her lip, debating if she should pump Brittany for info about Finn. Deciding to go for it, she glances at Brittany, who's wondering if George Washington should have a Santa suit in addition to his hat and decides to take a chance. "Artie's friends seem really nice."

Brittany looks up, having decided against the Santa suit. "We all went to high school together, except for Quinn."

"Oh. Well Quinn seems lovely and Noah too, if a little crass," Rachel ventured, hoping Brittany would get the hint. "Artie was just telling me about that time at the movie theater with Noah and Finn."

"Oh when Finn got sick and threw up all over the lobby trying to get to a garbage can?"

"Um no." She glances at Brittany, wondering if Finn had ever been able to see a movie without incident. "But poor Finn."

"You mean poor Puck. He slipped and fell in it trying to get away."

Rachel giggles, feeling that Noah slipping in puke was sweet justice for blaming his fart on Finn that caused him to get a soda bath. "That's not what I meant actually."

"Then do you mean the time he was waiting at the wrong movie theater?"

"Oh, he must've looked so cu-" she catches herself from saying how cute he must've looked as he waited, but she can't stop herself from blushing. It probably doesn't help that she can see Finn out by the barbecue on his cell phone and she can't help but wonder who he's talking to (she hopes it's not the Tramp but if it is, she prefers to think that Finn is just being nice and talking to her).

Brittany's looking at her strangely but fortunately she's saved by the arrival of Artie and a freshly changed Connor, who's clutching an Elmo doll to his chest.

"Where Finn?" Connor demands immediately.

"He's by the barbecue," Rachel replies automatically, her eyes glued to Finn. She blushes, wondering if that was too obvious, but fortunately Brittany's stressing over whether Lincoln would look better in reindeer antlers and Artie's busy dealing with a squirming toddler.

Connor wiggles off Artie's lap, running towards the door. He expertly presses the button, waiting for the door to open before he runs though, Elmo flying by one arm behind him.

Rachel watches him go, slightly jealous of the fact that he runs over to Finn's legs, only to be immediately picked up by Finn and she can't help but wonder what it would feel like to have his arms around her, how it would feel to be picked up by him.

She bets it would feel amazing (especially if she was naked).

"B, I forgot to put Connor's life jacket on him. Can you bring it out to him while I-" Artie doesn't get to finish because Rachel's already jumped up, her snowflakes forgotten.

"I'll do it!" Rachel blurts out, ever subtle. She flushes once more, taking a minute to wipe her hands on her shorts before she speaks again. "I mean, if you want me to, I can."

"Ask Finn if he wants to do Yankee Swap or Secret Santa," Brittany replies as she looks up from her antler debate.

Artie snorts. "He'll pick Secret Santa so he can rig it to get who he wants."

"He can't cheat. He knows that would put him on the Naughty List." Brittany looks at her husband sternly before turning back to Rachel. "Here's the list if he wants to see it."

"Got it," she replies, wondering who Finn would want to rig the Secret Santa for (she refuses to think it's the Tramp). She grabs the life jacket hanging from Artie's wheelchair, almost forgetting the list Brittany is holding out.

Eagerly, she grabs the list and practically bolts out the door but Finn's no longer by the barbecue. A quick sweep of the yard reveals him to be over in the corner pushing Connor and Elmo in a swing. He hasn't spotted her, so she takes the opportunity to watch for a moment as he continues to push Connor high, the toddler giggling and yelling "Higher Finn!" with each push.

She takes a few steps towards them before she calls out. "Finn!"

He turns his head immediately, his face breaking into a smile for a second before the swing comes back and clocks him in the head.

"Oh my God! Finn!" she cries in horror as she watches him drop to the ground. She drops the life jacket and runs over, steadying the swing, which has veered off course before she turns to him. "I'm so sorry! Are you brain damaged? How fingers am I holding up? Should I call an ambulance?"

To her relief, he sits up, rubbing his face. "I'm fine. I have a hard head."

She bites her lip in concern, her eyes already noticing the bruise forming on his cheek and she tentatively reaches out to trace it with her finger. "I think you should get checked out. You already have a bruise."

His eyes are closed and she assumes that's from the hit he just took as she traces her fingers over the rest of his face, trying to feel for contusions (and _maybe_ just to cop a feel).

"Finn push!" Connor suddenly cries from his swing, breaking Rachel out of her trance. She immediately stills her hand and removes it from his face. "Finn push!"

"Hold on bud," Finn replies, opening his eyes. "Finn's injured."

"I'm going to call an ambulance," Rachel decides, staring at him worriedly.

"Rach, I'm fine," he insists, holding out his hands. "Just help me up."

She smiles at the nickname as she holds her hands out and her smile grows when she feels him take her hands in his. His large hands engulf hers but she barely notices since she's kind of concentrating more on the fact that the warm feeling spreading all over her body has its origins in her hands.

He lumbers to his feet, his hands still in hers. "See? I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" She stares at him, making no move to remove her hands from his.

"Positive."

She feels his hands squeezing hers as he continues to stare and she holds her breath, wondering if he's thinking about kissing her, since she's certainly thinking about kissing him.

"Me out!" Connor demands, squirming in the swing and ruining the mood. "Me out!"

Finn pulls his hands away immediately, turning to release Connor from his seat. He holds Connor in his arms as he turns back to Rachel. "So, uh, did you need something?"

"I brought Connor's life jacket out," she answers lamely, pointing to the abandoned jacket nearby.

"Oh. Awesome." He walks over to it, placing Connor on the ground to put it on him. She follows, watching anxiously for signs of a concussion as he finishes buckling the jacket on Connor. "There you go, bud. Play away."

Connor hands him Elmo before running off to his pool. Finn watches him go, his hands playing nervously with the Elmo doll he's still holding. He looks down at the ground, noticing a piece of paper. "What's this?"

She watches him pick up the paper, realizing it's the list Brittany had given her. "Oh. Uh, Brittany wanted me to ask you if you want to do Secret Santa or a Yankee Swap."

"Oh Yankee Swap, definitely," he replies to Rachel's secret relief. He glances at the list. "I don't even know why she's asking. We always do Yankee Swap."

"Sounds great." She hesitates before asking her next question. "But um, what exactly is a Yankee Swap?"

He glances at her in surprise. "You've never done one? They're awesome!"

She flushes. "No."

"Finn play!" Connor calls from his pool, splashing water for emphasis.

He nods towards the pool. "I'm being paged, but come with me and I'll explain it."

She nods, more than willing to follow him. Her eyes trace along what appears to her to be a very squeezeable ass as she walks behind him, the fact that she doesn't have a bathing suit on completely forgotten since her mind is focused on resisting the urge to pinch his ass and find out just how squeezable it is.

While Finn walks rights into the water and plops down in the shallow water next to the kiddie pool, she slips off her flip flops, hesitating as she walks in. Finn glances up at her and she blushes as his eyes rake over her shorts and tank top.

"Be right back." He jumps up and walks out of the pool before she can say anything, returning after a minute with a plastic Elmo step stool. He places it next to the kiddie pool, gesturing for her to sit. "There. Since you don't have a bathing suit on."

She giggles, sitting daintily next to the kiddie pool as he unceremoniously plops himself down in the water again. "Thank you Finn. That was very chivalrous of you."

He glances up at her as he helps Connor dump water from one bucket to another. "Well I figured you wouldn't skinny dip with Connor here."

She giggles again as she watches a blush suffuse over his face, knowing that her own face is just as red since the image of Finn naked in a pool invaded her mind before she could banish it. She clears her throat determined to change the subject, since Finn is looking down, letting Connor dump water over the hands he's now resting on his lap. "So, um, Yankee Swap?"

"Oh it's great!" he enthuses as he looks up, his eyes excited. "Everyone gets a name in their invitation and you buy a gift for that person but don't give it to them or even put a tag on it. The presents all go in a pile and you pick one by one. Each person can keep the present they picked or trade it with anyone who's already picked. So you never know what you end up with."

"Hmm. That puts me at a disadvantage since I don't really know anyone," she frets. "And no one knows me."

"Nah, it's all in fun," he assures her, his hands helping Connor stack some buckets. "Last year I opened a set of hot rollers, traded it for an awesome box set of the Batman movies but my stepdad stole that from me so I ended up with a bunch of classic rock CDs which was just as awesome."

She smiles, still unsure. "But someone knew you like Batman. I don't know anyone like that."

He shrugs. "You know me. And I like superheroes, video games and football. Oh and cookies. _Love_ cookies."

Her smile gets wider. "That's true. And I know Brittany."

"See?" He smiles at her again, making her stomach do funny things. "Who else do you want to know about in three words or less?"

She glances at the list. "Um...Kurt."

"Fashion, Broadway and _Grey's Anatomy_," he says promptly. "That's my brother."

She nods, wishing she had a pen to write his answers next to Kurt's name. "What about Quinn?"

"Music, shopping and gossip. Next."

She laughs, her eyes lingering on Santana's name but choosing a different name instead. "Carole."

"Oh, Mom's easy," Finn says immediately. "Cookbooks, old musicals and girly movies."

Her face lights up. "I love old musicals and girly movies."

"Then you've got a lifelong friend in my mom." He smiles again. "And if all else fails you can always give food. Two years ago, Kurt ended up with an awesome basket of different types of cheese, none of which he'd share. Well, except the stinky ones. Those he was willing to part with."

She giggles. "That was generous of him."

He runs a hand through his hair and she tries really hard not to follow the path of his fingers. "Yeah, real generous giving cheese that smells like feet."

She giggles again, this time noticing that his eyes are lighter than she remembered, more of a cinnamon than a brown.

She loves cinnamon. It's totally her favorite spice.

Blushing slightly, she looks down at the list, finally daring to bring up the dreaded name. "Um so what about Santana?"

His face is blank and she's not sure what to make of that, but she hopes it means he's indifferent to her, that he's over his crush.

He shrugs. "You'd have to ask Brittany. I only met her once, at Connor's party."

Well that doesn't help. Does that mean that he's keeping that information to himself or does it mean that he wasn't impressed when he spoke to her and is done with her? Ever inquisitive, she presses the issue. "Um...she's very pretty, isn't she? I'd imagine that her exotic look is quite appealing to men."

"I guess." He shrugs, busy swirling the water with a plastic shovel.

Again, not helping. Is he one of the men who find that exotic look appealing? She bites her lip, wondering if the fact that her grandfather was an immigrant from Europe would qualify her to be classified as having an exotic look about her.

Connor chooses that moment to acknowledge Rachel, taking the shovel from Finn and handing it to her. "Girl play."

"You want me to play?" Rachel asks, touched since Connor usually ignores her.

"Girl play. No Finn." He pushes on Finn's face, clearly wanting him out.

"Hey! How come you get to play with Rachel and I don't?" Finn demands, making Rachel smile as she looks down and dips the shovel into the water. "I want to play."

"Finn no play," Connor says firmly, pulling his buckets away from Finn.

"I can't play?" he asks, squirting a Nemo water squirter at Connor.

"_No_. Wachel play." This decided, Connor takes a bucket of water and dumps it over Rachel's lower legs.

Undaunted, Finn refills the water squirter, aiming it at Rachel this time. "I've been replaced."

"Finn!" she squeals as the water hits her chest. "Cut it out!"

"What?" he asks innocently, already refilling his squirter.

"Just because Connor would rather play with me, doesn't mean you have to be a troublemaker," she teases.

"Yeah? I'm a troublemaker?" His eyes are twinkling as he squirts her again, this time in the face.

"Uh huh." She wipes the water out of her eyes and uses her plastic shovel to splash water at him. "You're a big troublemaker."

"Is that right?" He abandons the water squirter and reaches for the water gun floating in the pool nearby.

"_Finn_..." Rachel says warningly.

"What?" He grins devilishly at her, cocking the gun. He lets loose a steady steam, aiming right for her chest.

She squeals, splashing some water at him with her shovel again. Connor comes to her aid, dumping a bucket of water on Finn's head and she can't help but giggle at the surprised look on his face.

"Dude!" he cries, shaking his head. "I thought we talked about this before! The Bro Code, remember?"

"No Finn play." His edict given, Connor offers Rachel his bucket.

She accepts it, filling the bucket up as she stares impishly at Finn. "My knight in shining armor missed a spot."

Before Finn can say anything, she tosses the bucket of water at him, hitting him squarely in the face.

"Oh it's on now," he sputters, wiping the water from his face as he lumbers to his feet.

Rachel squeals, dropping her bucket in her haste to stand and get away from an approaching Finn. He's too fast for her though, and he grabs her waist from behind, walking a little deeper into the pool. In spite of the fact that she's probably going to get very wet in a few seconds, Finn's arms around her offsets that. He easily picks her up, holding her against his chest as she squirms and kicks.

"Finn! I don't have a bathing suit on!" she cries; her legs kicking and making a splash that soaks both of them.

"Not so tough without your bucket and shovel, are you?" he asks, holding her out over the water. "What do you think, Connor? Should we throw her in?"

Connor stares, clearly torn between seeing a big splash or playing with Rachel but before he can say anything, Artie wheels outside.

"Are those hot dogs done, Finn?" Artie calls out.

To her extreme disappointment, he puts her down immediately. She's thigh deep in water, her shorts are wet and her shirt is very damp thanks to his wet chest and arms, but she's unable to wipe the smile from her face.

"Oh, I forgot about them. Connor wanted to swing," Finn explains easily, smiling at Rachel.

"Well start grilling! I'm starving," Artie announces, seemingly oblivious. "You want a Tofu Dog, Rachel?"

"Yes, please." She turns to Finn. "Um, I guess I should get back to my decorations."

She gives him another smile before she walks off, one thought on her mind.

She's _totally_ rigging the Yankee Swap.

* * *

He got Rachel in the Yankee Swap.

Elation had coursed through his body when he'd seen _Rachel_ written on the card Brittany had handed him but it was swiftly replaced by panic.

He got _**Rachel**_.

The girl who'd been the star of his dreams every night, the one he'd almost kissed like four times that day at Artie's, is the one he's got to buy a present for.

_Shit_.

He sucks at buying presents for his family (the light up reindeer sweater he'd got for his mom was family legend), let alone one for a super hot girl he wants to make his girlfriend. This present will totally set the precedent for all future gifts he gives her (which he hopes is a lot) or it could totally turn her off to the idea of dating him if his proven track record of awful gifts comes into play.

Clearly, help is needed. Ordinarily he'd ask Kurt for help, which usually means Kurt buys the present for him and tells him how much it costs later, but he really wants to do this on his own.

He asks Puck what he got Quinn when they first started dating, but his answer of _"I'm a fucking stud. She didn't need presents," _doesn't exactly help him (especially since when he asks Quinn, she says he'd gotten her lots of flowers and jewelry).

Artie's no help either, since he puts the pieces together but incorrectly assumes he's talking about Santana and starts suggesting different sex toys. He doesn't bother to correct Artie, letting him talk while he tries to think of who else to ask since he refuses to ask Kurt and _definitely_ his mom. That leaves only one person.

Burt.

He times his visit home carefully, purposely choosing to watch the game with Burt when his mom and Kurt have gone to the spa, which should give him plenty of time to talk to Burt.

Burt senses a problem as soon as he walks in, handing him a beer immediately. "What's got you down?"

"I need to buy a present," he blurts out, following Burt into the family room.

Burt stops mid step and turns around nervously. "It's not for me, is it?"

"My gifts aren't _that_ bad," Finn retorts as Burt continues to walk into the family room. "But no, I didn't get your name."

"Well that's a relief," Burt replies, exhaling as he plops into his recliner. "I don't think I could take another singing fish for the wall."

"That fish was funny!"

"When you walk by it once, yes. The nine hundredth time, not so much. I finally had to take the batteries out." He takes a swig of beer. "So who's this gift for? Who'd you get?"

"Rachel. I got Rachel." Blushing, he avoids looking at Burt, knowing he's smirking. He flops onto the couch dejectedly.

"Ah, I see." His tone takes on a teasing tone. "I got Lord Tubbington. Want to trade?"

"No way! I had him last year!" Finn cried. "Good luck getting him a present. He refused to eat the bag of cat food I bought him."

"I'm not worried." He shrugs.

"So what should I get her? What did you get Mom when you started dating?" he blurts out.

"Have you even talked to her? Or do you just go around hitting her with volleyballs?" Burt teases.

"That was one time!" he huffs. "And I have talked to her. She was at Artie's last week helping Brittany. She got glitter in her eye. I helped her get it out."

"That how you got that bruise?"

He flushes again. "No. I got hit with a swing."

"Let me guess. In front of Rachel?"

He closes his eyes. "Unfortunately."

"So what did you talk about? Use that for ideas," Burt suggests, laughing at his admission.

"I used that conversation to find out if she was single," he replies. "She is."

"So this present is even more important," Burt surmises. "I'm assuming you don't want Kurt to know?"

"Or Mom." He nods firmly.

Burt adjusts his hat. "Got it."

"She likes Broadway, maybe I should get tickets to a show?" Finn muses. "Oh wait. She might not take me."

"She works for a Broadway show, she can get tickets to anything she wants."

Damn. He thought he'd had a good idea there for once. "Then what?"

"There's other stuff for Broadway you could get," Burt points out. "Look at all the memorabilia your brother has."

"He's insane with that stuff. I remem-" Finn sits up. "That's it!"

"Whatever you get, she's gonna have to fight Kurt for," Burt warns.

"Yeah, yeah." He's already up, putting his beer down. "I'll deal with him. See you."

"You're leaving? What about the game?"

"Later." He hurries out of the room, anxious to get his totally awesome present before someone else can.

For once, his present was going to be _awesome_.

* * *

Rigging the Yankee Swap was definitely one of her better ideas.

She'd planned it all out while she made her last few snowflakes and moved onto helping Brittany put Santa/elf hats on the presidents, finalizing her idea as she and Brittany ate lunch (sadly alone, since Artie and Finn were taking advantage of Connor napping to hole up in Artie's office with some video game plan).

Once they'd gotten around to the Yankee Swap list, she'd placed herself in charge of adding the card with a name on it to the envelope while Brittany added the extra glitter and the confetti. She'd cleverly had Brittany decorate the envelopes with the person's name on it so it was ridiculously easy for her to slip the card saying '_Your Yankee Swap gift is for Finn_' into the envelope marked _Rachel_ and just as easy to slip the card marked _Rachel_ into Finn's envelope. She felt bad assigning the tramp to Brittany, she really did, but she reasoned that since they were friends, Brittany wouldn't mind.

The only flaw in her plan was not getting to give Finn his invitation personally, since Brittany had given it to him while she was making an emergency glitter run to the craft store. She'd looked around for him immediately upon her return, hoping he and Artie were out by the pool again, but Brittany had announced that they'd taken Connor to a baseball game so they could make decorations in peace and wasn't that great? She'd had to bite her lip to refrain from pointing out that it was _not_ great, choosing instead to casually grill Brittany about all things Finn.

She liked what she heard (except for the time he'd dated the blonde head cheerleader-that she didn't like so much).

Armed with her new Finnformation, she practically skips up Brittany's walkway the day of the party, carefully holding what she feels is the perfect present for Finn in her arms. After much searching around Manhattan and a very strategic Internet search, she'd finally found the perfect Batman cookie jar and she'd spent her entire day off testing out potential cookie recipes on her neighbor. While Frank felt that her oatmeal cookies were her strongest contender for the jar, she'd fretted, worried Finn might like the peanut butter or the double chocolate chip better. After much debate with Frank, she'd finally decided to fill the jar with an assortment, carefully selecting only the best cookies.

Brittany greets her at the door, dressed patriotically as Aunt Samantha, Uncle Sam's wife, which meant that she was wearing a pair of red and white striped shorts and a shiny blue jacket over her blue bikini, a patriotic top hat on her head. She gasps when she sees Rachel. "I love your dress!"

Rachel beams, trying to act like she hadn't scoured the internet for the perfect dress to wear. She smoothes a hand over the dark blue halter dress, running a finger over the white stars scattered all over the dress. "Thanks. I think the red band at the waist and hem really make the dress don't you?"

"It's perfect. You should have been Aunt Samantha, not me," Brittany replies, stepping aside to let her in. "Carole! Look at Rachel's dress!"

"Don't you look adorable!" the older lady replies as she comes over. "That dress is lovely!"

Rachel recognizes the name as that of Finn's mother and she smiles graciously, wanting to make a good impression. "Thank you, Carole. I figured today would be the perfect day to wear it."

"Well you look very festive," Carole replies kindly. "And so tiny! Have you met my so-"

"Brit! I can't find that bottle of rum I bought!" Artie calls out from the kitchen, stopping Carole mid-sentence, much to Rachel's annoyance. He wheels over to the doorway, dressed as Summer Santa in his Bermuda shorts and white tank top. "Oh hey Rachel. Nice dress."

She beams again, pleased that her dress is getting such a positive reaction and takes a peek around what she can see of the house, hoping that if mother was there, son would be too, but she sees only Artie in the kitchen. She hears splashing and noise coming from the back, so she figures Finn might be outside and makes the decision to get out there as soon as possible.

"Is that your Yankee Swap gift?" Carole asks kindly. "I'll take that so you can go enjoy the party. My so-"

"Brit! I really need that rum!" Artie interrupts impatiently. Rachel's ready to find that bottle of rum and hit him with it for interrupting Carole, since she's positive that the older lady was about to talk about Finn both times.

Brittany stomps off to find the Rum, leaving Rachel with Carole.

"Look at this present!" Carole exclaims, admiring the elegant wrapping paper and the large cascading bow adorning it. "How beautiful!"

Rachel smiles widely. "Thank you Carole. It's a very special present."

"Well I hope whoever it's meant for gets it," she responds, taking it from Rachel and placing it with the others.

Rachel's smile dims a little, since that was one thing she couldn't figure out how to rig.

"Do you want a drink? Everyone's outside," Carole offers. "I can have my so-"

"Carow!" Showing his father's sence of timing, Connor appears out of nowhere, making a beeline for Carole's legs. He stares up at her imploringly. "Me up."

"I like your shirt," Rachel comments, tickling his stomach once he's settled on Carole's hip.

The toddler squeals, covering his stomach as he hides in Carole's neck. He peeks out at her with blue eyes reminiscent of his father's before he looks at Carole again. "Finn bad, Carow."

"Oh really? What did my Finn do?" she asks with a smile, ruffling his soft brown hair.

Connor points at Rachel. "Finn throw Wachel."

Rachel laughs, a blush creeping onto her face at the memory. "That's right, he almost threw me in the pool."

"Is that right?" Carole's voice holds a note of amusement as she stares at Rachel, noticing the blush. "Should we go yell at him?"

Connor nods vigorously, earning a laugh from both Carole and Rachel.

Her heart hammering, Rachel follows Carole and Connor outside. Her snowflakes are hanging everywhere, as are Brittany's paper chains and presidents. A life sized cardboard figure of George Washington is over by the barbecue, wearing his Santa hat and a Christmas apron. She spies Finn talking to Puck on the deck immediately, noticing instantly that this time he's wearing a red Hawaiian print bathing suit. She's pleased to see that he looks in her direction, a smile breaking out on his face.

"Finn!" Carole admonishes teasingly. "Connor says you've been bad. Did you try and throw Rachel in the pool? Bad Finn!"

He flushes, glancing over at Rachel. "She threw a bucket of water at me, Mom."

"Only because you shot a water gun at me," she teases, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"Yeah well, you..." His voice trails off as he looks pasts Rachel.

She turns just in time to see that tramp Santana step out onto the deck dressed as the sluttiest Mrs. Claus she's ever seen. The red bustier is piped with white and showcases her large breasts perfectly while her tiny red skirt sits low enough on her hips to reveal her toned stomach. White knee high boots and a Santa hat complete the look, helping her earn the attention of every man in the yard.

Rachel looks down at her dress, suddenly feeling like she was dressed like a toddler. She sneaks a peek at Finn, frowning when she notices he's _still_ staring at Santana, his mouth hanging slightly open.

"Um...I'm just going to go inside," she mumbles, backing away.

"What? Why?" Finn asks, turning back to Rachel.

"Brits says that it's Yankee Swap time," Santana announces in a bored voice before she sashays back inside.

Still feeling like a toddler, Rachel follows everyone back into the living room where Brittany has piled the presents. She eyes the boxes, briefly cheered when she remembers that Finn had to buy her a present.

"Ok everyone, time for Yankee Swap!" Brittany enthuses. "Same rules as always. You can keep or trade and if someone wants your present, you have to give it up. Lord Tubbington goes first and he has the option to trade last if he wants."

Rachel watches as Brittany places the cat on the table, waiting until he stops by a small rectangular box wrapped in Santa paper and begins clawing at the bow on top. Brittany grabs the cat and the present, tearing it open to reveal a bottle of perfume while Lord Tubbington plays with the bow.

"Ok, Lord Tubbington's going to keep the perfume for now," Brittany announces. "It's Tina's turn."

Rachel, her mind wondering if that perfume was meant for her, watches as Tina unwraps a fancy tea kettle, electing to keep it. She sneaks a peek at Finn, but his face is normal until he catches her staring and sends her a wink. She blushes and looks down, not daring to look at him again.

Quinn goes next, opening a box set of sports DVDs and immediately trading them for the tea kettle. Brittany's mom and dad go after her, each making a trade with Quinn and Tina. Artie follows, opening a curling iron and trading it for the beer stein Quinn now had.

She sits up straighter when Brittany announces it's Finn's turn, willing him to open her present, but to her disappointment, he chooses a medium sized box wrapped in gold paper.

He laughs when he sees the Chia Pet he's opened, tossing it over to Artie. "Sorry Artie, but I'm trading you for the beer stein."

Santana's next and she blanches when she sees her reaching for _her_ present, wondering if she should say something, since her present is meant for Finn and _only_ Finn (and definitely not meant for tramps).

Santana rips off the wrapping paper and bow, her face a mask of distaste as she opens the box. "A Batman cookie jar? Do I look like a geek?"

She bites her lip as she watches Santana demand the perfume Lord Tubbington opened, shoving the cookie jar in front of the cat. Tears burn her eyes at the fact that the present (and the cookies) she'd spent _hours_ agonizing over now belongs to a cat. She looks down, not noticing that Finn is watching her closely.

Burt eagerly reaches for a present, choosing a medium sized square package wrapped in silver snowflake paper. He laughs when he sees the economy sized box of condoms in his hands. "Condoms, huh?"

"Looks like Burt's gonna have a good night," Puck comments, snickering as he sees both Finn and Kurt make faces of disgust. "That box should last like a year."

"I'm a married man, got no use for these," Burt replies easily. He tosses the box to Finn with a wink. "Here Finn. Go find a girl to use these with."

Finn takes the box with a blush, handing Burt the beer stein.

Puck snorts. "I take back what I said. That box will last Hudson a lifetime, the way he's going."

Finn throws him a glare. "Shut up and pick, Puckerman."

Puck smirks as he picks a long flat box, making quick work of the snowman wrapping paper. "Awesome! A slip n'slide! I'm keeping this bad boy. We're breaking this out later."

Brittany's creepy friend Jacob, the one who keeps staring at her, goes next and chooses a square box wrapped in plaid paper. She notices Finn sits up a little straighter, his face frowning and she leans closer, wondering if this was the present he'd meant for her.

Jacob slowly peels away the paper to reveal a large snow globe of the Manhattan skyline, various Broadway show billboards covering the base of the globe. She gasps at the beauty of it when Jacob holds it up to examine it.

That's hers.

It _has_ to be. Finn got that for her, she was sure of it and the fact that Jacob is now trading it to Finn for the box of condoms annoys her to no end.

She's so busy staring at the snow globe that she doesn't notice she's got competition for it in the form of Finn's brother Kurt, who's just opened a bunch of cookbooks.

"I want the snow globe," he says immediately, holding out the books to Finn.

"What? No!" Finn cries, holding onto the globe protectively. "It's not...I mean it's...just no, Kurt."

"Yes, Finn. Hand it over." He holds his hand out expectantly. Finn hesitates, but begrudgingly hands the globe over.

Carole goes next, trading the cat toys she opens for the cook books Finn now has. Rachel barely notices, too busy staring at her snow globe in Kurt's hands (for it _will_ be hers or her name's not Rachel Berry).

Once Mike trades for the beer stein, it's finally her turn. She chooses from the diminished pile, quickly unwrapping a set of wine glasses and a bottle of wine.

"I want the snow globe," she blurts out instantly. Kurt reluctantly hands it over and she grins, hugging the globe to her chest. She sneaks a glance at Finn, who's staring at her with a big smile on his face. She smiles back, clutching the globe tightly. Only a few people are left and she'd be damned if anyone was stealing the globe from her.

Fortunately, no one does and it's now Lord Tubbington's turn to trade for a gift if he wants. Rachel watches carefully, noticing that the cat still has her cookie jar and Finn still has the cat toys and prays that Brittany makes a logical decision for once.

"He wants the snow globe," Brittany finally announces after deliberating with the cat. "He loves Broadway."

"What? No!" Rachel cries, holding it protectively to her chest. She appeals to the group, furious that her rigging is getting ruined by a cat. "I bought that cookie jar! I can't get my own present!"

"She's right," Finn jumps in. "Remember we made that rule when Lord Tubbington tried to fix it so that he got his own gift?"

"But he loves Broadway! He starred in _Cats_ as a kitten!"

"Brittany, don't you think LT might like something else better?" Artie adds. "That squeaky mouse Finn has looks like something he'd like."

"I don't know, Finn might want that," Brittany says doubtfully. "It's hours of entertainment."

"That cat is not worthy of that globe," Kurt interjects. "Who bought that anyway? Obviously not Finn."

Glaring at Kurt and annoyed that Brittany thinks he plays with cat toys, Finn holds the mouse up enticingly, attracting the attention of the cat, who jumps off Brittany's lap to paw at it.

Rachel clutches the globe to her chest, hope surging through her as she watches Finn tease the cat, moving the mouse just out of his reach.

"Looks like LT has chosen, hand over the Batman jar," Finn announces, tossing the mouse into a corner for the cat to chase.

"I guess so." She hands the cookie jar to Finn, who gratefully hands over the remaining cat toys.

He holds out the jar for Artie to see. "Check it out. The Caped Crusader's ready to strike anyone who steals my cookies." He pulls off the head and shoulders to peer inside. "Oh awesome! There's cookies in here!"

"Gimme one, Hudson." Puck reaches over to grab a cookie from an already munching Finn.

"No way! They're mine!" he cries between cookies, holding the jar protectively.

"Looks like you got a _special_ present, baby," Carole observes, winking at Rachel who flushes.

"I did." He looks over at Rachel, his smile wide.

She grins back, suddenly positive that rigging the game was the best idea she ever had.

* * *

The alcohol's been flowing for a while when Puck gets the idea to set up the slip n'slide.

Naturally, he volunteers Finn and Mike to help. Finn, who'd been dying to play with the slip n'slide, willingly agrees, leaving his cookie jar with his mom for safekeeping.

"Ready Finn?" Puck calls out once he's unrolled the mat across the lawn. "I'm turning on the water."

"Ready!" he calls back already holding the hose in place. He's just about to attach the hose to the mat when he sees Rachel step out of the house.

In a bikini.

The sight of her in a pink and white striped bikini makes him forget about the job at hand and he drops the hose just as Puck turns on the water. The hose acts like a snake, spraying everyone nearby with water while Finn still stares.

"Dude! The fuck?" Puck sputters, grabbing the hose as it dances on the lawn. He sprays Finn in the face to get his attention. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," he murmurs, his face going red.

"Perv." Puck follows his gaze, squirting him in the face again. "You're a fucking liar. Your pants are giving it away."

He flushes, trying to shift so that it's not so obvious. Puck helps his cause by aiming the hose at his groin with a smirk.

"Knock it off!" he hisses, his eyes glued to the deck. The reason for the rapid tightening is currently on the deck talking to Kurt and he finds himself jealous of the fact that Kurt gets to stand near her, let alone talk to her.

"Let's get her over here before you slip in your own drool." Ever the gentleman, Puck aims the hose at the deck, spraying a light mist over the occupants on the deck. "Hey! Get your asses over here! It's slip n'slide time!"

"Are you insane, Puckerman? I'd need a lot more liquor in me to go on that thing!" Kurt calls back. "And so does Rachel. We're in the midst of a discussion about Rogers and Hammerstein while we sip our eggnog."

"Sucks for you, Hudson," Puck comments in a low voice. He bends down, hooking the hose up to the mat. The water begins to course through the mat and he stands, addressing the yard at large. "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Puckerman Express is now open for business! Stay tuned for the Inaugural Run!"

He trots over to the end of the mat, backing up and taking a running leap onto it, sliding on his belly down the mat and into the splash pool at the end. "Who's nex-"

He trails off and Finn tears his gaze away from Rachel to see Santana step out of the house in a _tiny_ red bikini clearly inspired by a Santa suit. She saunters over to the slip n'slide, a drink in her hand, stopping next to Finn and running a finger down his chest. "I'd go but I might lose my suit and there's kids around so I can't go topless."

"Oh. Uh, that's a problem," Finn replies, glancing at the deck again just in time to see Rachel look at him, a strange look on her face.

"Well we could always go somewhere with no kids," she purrs, gripping his forearm.

He shakes his arm loose, noticing that Rachel has stood up. "Yeah, uh, maybe some other time."

"I'm just saying, if there's no kids around, there's no need for _this_." She grabs his hand, running it along the fabric of her bikini top.

He snatches his hand back. "Um thanks but I'm good here."

Santana arches an eyebrow. "Playing hard to get? I'm intrigued."

"Yeah something like that," he mutters.

She steps closer to him. "I was hoping you'd get that box of condoms I bought for the Yankee Swap."

"That was you?" he asks dumbly as he takes a step backwards.

"Finn?"

He turns his head at the welcome interruption, which is made even more welcoming by the fact that it's Rachel saying his name. "Oh hey, Rach."

"Move it Ruffles. This is a private conversation," Santana barks.

Rachel fingers the ruffle running along the edge of her bikini top. "Are you talking to me?"

"You see anyone else wearing ruffles?"

He bites his lip to make sure he doesn't blurt out how hot he think she looks in that ruffle. Instead, he offers a lame, "I think she looks cute."

He doesn't know why Rachel's face suddenly gets sad looking, but he does know he doesn't like it and immediately resolves to make her happy again. "So what's up, Rach?"

She smiles nervously. "Um, I just saw Noah on the slide and thought it looked fun, but um, I'm not sure what to do."

"Seriously, Ruffles? That's the best you can do?" Santana snorts. "Go play on the slide and let us big girls have our own fun."

"Don't call her that," Finn snaps before he turns to Rachel. "I can show you, if you want."

She nods eagerly and just like that, Santana's forgotten, standing alone as Finn hurries off with Rachel, his hand on the small of her back.

He leads her over to the mat. "It's easy, Rachel. You just run and belly flop onto the mat."

She stares up at him nervously. "Belly flop? Doesn't that hurt?"

Finn smiles. "Nah. You just kind of put your arms out like Superman. Watch."

He backs up and takes a running leap, easily sliding down the mat the same way Puck had done. "See?" he calls out as he steps out of the splash pool. "Now you try."

She downs the Eggnog she's still holding, placing the cup on the grass before she backs up, her face a mask of determination. She runs to the mat but pulls up short before she can belly flop on it. "I can't. I'm scared."

"Come on Rach! You can do it!" he urges. "Be like Superman. Or Wonder Woman, I guess."

She nods and attempts a second time, once again stopping short. "I can't! It's going to hurt, I know it!"

"It doesn't hurt, I swear." He smiles, encouraging her.

"Promise?"

"Promise." He smiles again as he walks over to a nearby table. "But just in case here." He hands her a cup of Eggnog. "Liquid Courage."

She downs the drink as he walks back over to end of the mat to wait for her. Determined, she backs up again and runs, this time actually jumping onto the mat as instructed. She speeds past Finn and into the splash pool, adjusting her bathing suit as she stands up.

Squealing in excitement, she throws herself at Finn, who stumbles backwards before he straightens, holding her close.

He looks down at her, his hand cradling her head and it would be _so_ easy to just lean down and kiss her, which he wants to, like really bad.

But he doesn't.

Her eyes are shining but he figures that's the alcohol, which means it would totally be unfair of him to take advantage and kiss her, no matter how much he's dying to find out what would be like to kiss her (he bets amazing).

Instead, he hugs her, cursing himself for being so nice (he _knows_ Puck wouldn't have been). She's still staring up at him, biting her lip in this adorable way that's almost taunting him.

It wouldn't be totally douchy to kiss her if she's drunk just once right? It's not like he's trying to sleep with her (well he is, but not right this moment). He can just give her a quick kiss and then he'll be able to sleep at night knowing what it's like to kiss Rachel.

That's what he'll do. He'll give her a quick peck. After all, she did just do something that scared her, so she deserves a kiss. His logic sound, he begins to lean down.

"Finn!"

Startled, he pulls away and straightens up to glare at Artie and his awful timing. "What?"

"I'm going down the slip n'slide. I just need you to lift me and put me on the tube because I don't trust Puck."

"Oh." He can't really blame him for not trusting Puck, but it was still crappy timing. "Hold on, I'm coming."

Rachel steps away from him, her eyes down and he resists the urge to grab her for some serious kissing. She gives him a smile as she steps toward the Eggnog table, grabbing another glass to sip as she watches him.

"Finn! Stop daydreaming about you know who and help me!"

He stomps over to Artie, hoping Rachel hadn't heard that, but a quick peek at her shows that she did. "Dude!"

"What? I saw your face, I know what you were thinking," Artie teases as Finn picks him up and puts him on the tube. "Bet that bathing suit doesn't help."

He sneaks a peek at Rachel and her bathing suit, wanting more than anything to run his hand along that ruffle. "Shut up."

"I'm just saying. That tiny bathing suit Santana has on must be making you-" Artie doesn't get to finish because Finn shoves the tube forcefully, sending Artie shooting down the mat.

He looks around, annoyed to see that Rachel is no longer alone. Jacob is now talking to her, blatantly ogling her at the same time and he clenches his fists, knowing that Jacob's probably asking her to break in that box of condoms. He can tell she's not interested since she's got her arms crossed and is taking steps backwards, but still, how dare Jacob talk to her?

Eggnog in hand, the two of them move towards the house and he follows, wondering what they're doing. He doesn't see either of them when he steps inside which makes him nervous and he corners his mom to find out the whereabouts of Rachel and Jacob.

His mom hands him his cookie jar and informs him that Rachel went to change her clothes while Jacob is simply using the bathroom.

Relieved, he peeks down the hallway, only to see Jacob attempting to peek through one of the keyholes of a closed door. Furious (and annoyed that he didn't think of it), he stomps down the hall and pulls a terrified Jacob away from the key hole, marching him back outside while he returns inside to wait for Rachel.

Freshly changed, he spies her with Brittany over by the door and he can't let her leave without getting her phone number. He just _can't_. "Rachel!"

She pauses and smiles at him and just like that, he totally forgets what he was going to say.

"Yes, Finn?"

"Your cookies are amazing," he blurts out. Cursing himself for being lame as usual, he pulls a cookie out of the jar, taking a bite.

She beams. "I'm glad you like them. I wasn't sure what you'd prefer, so there's a variety in there."

"So um..." He fiddles with the Batman cookie jar, positive that she must think he's a huge dork. Trying to buy himself time, he grabs another cookie, offering the jar to Rachel. "Cookie? They're awesome."

"I'm aware." She smiles at him and he flinches. Of course she knows they're awesome, since not only did she make them, he'd _just_ told her not two minutes ago. He places the jar on a nearby table, hoping he'll be less lame without props.

"Oh, look! Rachel and Finn are under the mistletoe!" Brittany squeals, clapping her hands. "You have to kiss! Uncle Sam says!"

Face scarlet, Finn looks up at the door frame he and Rachel are standing under. Sure enough, Uncle Sam is residing on top of the frame, a sprig of mistletoe taped to his hand.

He stares at her, unsure of what to do but fortunately Rachel's already decided because she smiles at him, her eyes fluttering closed as she stands on her toes and almost before he knows it her lips are on his and he's kissing Rachel Berry.

Holy shit.

He's kissing _Rachel_. And it's incredible. Her lips taste like cherries which is totally awesome since that's his favorite fruit and his hands come up to cup her face as he mentally thanks whoever decided that mistletoe was a kissing plant. The fireworks Puck's planning on shooting off later have nothing on this kiss and he's wondering if she'd object to his tongue in her mouth when he feels her start to suck on his bottom lip for a moment before she slowly pulls away.

She smiles shyly at him, a blush on her cheeks and he's positive that the glazed over look her eyes are sporting is mirrored in his own.

He totally needs to do that again.

* * *

He doesn't get to do it again.

The Eggnog she'd been downing causes her to get tipsy, which is awesome since she's a needy drunk and she needs _him. _The downside of that is that she's been drinking with Jacob, who's just as tipsy and has officially been designated by Rachel as her other best friend, Finn being the first. The three of them have been sitting on Artie's deck, watching the fireworks and with Jacob sitting on Rachel's other side, it's hard to have a conversation let alone a make out session.

She's in the middle of telling him her list of roles she's going to play on Broadway in order of importance when he notices that Jacob has fallen asleep and he realizes this is his chance.

"Hey Rach?" he asks casually.

"Hmm?" She rests her head on his shoulder, her arm moving to weave through his and he grins.

"Can I have your number?"

Silence.

Slightly unnerved by the fact that she's not answering, he glances down, only to see that she too, has fallen asleep.

Crap.

Sighing, he unweaves her from his body and stands, scooping her up before she can curl into Jacob. He carries her inside, ignoring the knowing glances of his mom and places her on Brittany's guest bed.

She stirs a little, her eyes fluttering open. "Come cuddle."

Not needing to be told twice, he climbs onto the bed, letting Rachel climb all over him until she finds a comfortable position and promptly falls asleep again.

He falls asleep soon after, Rachel tucked into him and it's a comfortable sleep, only broken by the ringing of his cell phone hours later.

"Hello?"

_"My car's been broken into. You need to come get me."_

"Kurt?" he asks groggily, looking at the clock to see that it's 4:17 AM. "Where are you?"

_"Some dinky town up in Orange County. Hurry. I'm in a 7-11 parking lot."_

"What the hell are you doing up there?" Rachel shifts against him but doesn't wake and he rubs her shoulder softly.

_"Did you even notice that I left Brittany's party early to go see my new boyfriend upstate? Hurry Finn."_

The phone hangs up before he can say anything else and he sighs, untangling Rachel to climb out of bed. He gives her a gentle kiss on the forehead before he slips out to save Kurt.

He's halfway up to Orange County before he realizes he never got Rachel's number.

* * *

_**A/N: Only Brittany would have a Founding Fathers party :)**_


	3. Arthur Antics

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine_**

* * *

_**Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But the one thing about human beings that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.**_

_** -Sigmund Freud**_

* * *

She wakes up alone on Tuesday.

It takes her a minute before she remembers the night before, the hazy memories slowly seeping back into her brain. Images of the slip n'slide and that Tramp talking to Finn dance in her head before one particular memory takes over.

She'd kissed Finn.

Correction. She'd kissed Finn and _loved_ it.

Eyes still closed, she stretches on the bed, a smile on her face at the memory of his lips pressed against hers, the way his hands had cradled her face as he'd kissed her _so_ gently. She liked the way he applied just enough pressure to make the kiss firm but still soft, letting her dictate the type of kiss she wanted. She'd resisted the urge to find out how his French kissing skills were, instead settling for a gentle nibble of his lower lip as she'd pulled away (which as she'd suspected was super nibbly).

Her smile fades when she rolls over, since instead of seeing Finn snoring peacefully on his back like she had when she'd awoken for a moment in the middle of the night, she sees nothing but an empty bed.

She shifts over a little, placing her head on his pillow and inhaling the faint traces of Finn's cologne that still linger there. It feels like a reassurance to her, that she really had spent the night wrapped in the arms of Finn, that it wasn't a dream.

But if it wasn't a dream, then where was he?

The thought crosses her mind that he snuck out once he realized who he was laying with and she frowns, wondering if _she_ had slept over too and he'd snuck into her room. She decides against that though when she remembers how he'd let her use him like a mattress, climbing all over him till she'd gotten comfy. She figures if a guy lets a girl do that, then he _must_ be interested.

More than ready to find out what it feels like to kiss Finn completely sober, she climbs out of bed, assuming Finn has gone downstairs. She straightens up as best she can before heading downstairs, but to her disappointment, only Connor and Artie are in the kitchen.

"Wachel, where Finn?" Connor demands immediately.

"Um, I'm not sure," she replies honestly, smiling shyly at Artie.

"Want some coffee?" Artie asks, gesturing to the table. "The mugs are over there."

She nods eagerly, grabbing a mug and sitting across from Connor. Artie pours some coffee into her mug and she inhales the rich scent, sipping the black coffee slowly as she wills her hangover to go away.

"Wachel, where Finn?" Connor repeats, banging the Elmo spoon in his hand against the table.

"Finn's not here, buddy," Artie answers for Rachel. "He went home."

Rachel pauses mid-sip. "He went home?"

Artie stares at her in surprise. "Well he's not here, so I'd say it's a safe bet."

"Oh. Oh right." She looks down into her mug, willing herself not to cry.

"Wachel sad," Connor announces, offering her a cheerio from his Elmo bowl.

She takes the piece of cereal he's holding out, touched that he's trying to make her feel better. "Thank you, Connor. That's quite chivalrous of you."

He smiles at her, carefully placing a cheerio in his mouth.

Rachel smiles back, feeling she's made progress with at least one male today.

"I think I know a better way than Cheerios to make Rachel less sad," Artie offers around a mouthful of eggs.

Unless that way involves Finn and lots of kissing she highly doubts it, but she answers anyway. "Oh?"

Artie takes a bite of his sausage before speaking. "It occurs to me that you're single."

Duh. She stares at him, hoping he's going where she thinks he's going with this. "And?"

"Well I have a friend who's single also." He stares at her, taking another bite of his eggs. "I could introduce you at my birthday party."

"Oh, that sounds great!" She beams, knowing he's talking about Finn. He _has_ to be. Puck and Mike are already married and she doesn't recall Brittany mentioning any other friends. "Do you have his number? Maybe we could meet before the party for coffee."

"Uh yeah, let me get paper."

Thrilled at her stroke of absolute genius, she watches Artie retrieve a piece of paper, consulting his phone as he scribbles the number down.

"Here you go." He slides the paper across the table to her and she grabs it eagerly, anxious to program the number into her phone. Artie's neat handwriting stares up at her and her eyes widen in surprise.

**_Sam Evans 234-5682_**

"Huh? What is this?" She stares at Artie in confusion, wondering why the paper says Sam and not Finn.

"Sam's number. He works in my department," Artie enthuses. "And I'm inviting him to my birthday party. I think you'll really like him. How do you feel about _Avatar_?"

"The movie about the blue people?" She wrinkles her nose. "You know, on second thought, I-"

Artie's phone rings just then and he glances down at it before answering. "Oh. It's Mike. Hello?"

Not interested in Artie's phone call unless it was Finn on the other end, Rachel turns her attention back to Connor, who's currently offering her more Cheerios from his bowl. She's just popped another Cheerio in her mouth when Artie suddenly says something of interest.

"Yeah, I didn't see much of Finn last night, either. I bet he was sorry he didn't play Santa since I'm sure that Mrs. Claus costume was driving him nuts." He listens for a moment before speaking again. "Wait. You didn't know that he's got a huge crush on Santana? He must be sorry he didn't get to keep that box of condoms in the Swap. You _know_ Jacob's not using them."

Her head drops at his words and she bites her lip, willing herself not to cry. Connor, realizing his Cheerios are not making her feel better, grabs his stuffed Elmo lying next to his bowl, holding it out to her. "Elmo, Wachel."

"This is your favorite," she replies, touched that he's offering Elmo to her. Connor continues to hold the Muppet out to her so she takes it from him, holding it close to her body. She strokes the soft red fur, Elmo's big white eyes staring up at her and starts to feel a tiny bit better.

Until she hears Artie's next words.

"Yeah, I bet he scored last night since Santana disappeared too, but wherever he went he was sufficiently distracted enough to forget his cookie jar and you know how he feels about cookies." He snorts at whatever Mike is saying into the phone. "Don't worry. I'm gonna get the details."

She grips Elmo harder as her eyes scan the kitchen counters. Sure enough, Batman is sitting on the counter next to Brittany's blender. The sight of the Caped Crusader among Brittany's appliances brings the tears back and a single tear manages to escape before she can catch herself.

Not wanting Artie to notice anything amiss, she wipes her eyes with one hand, pasting a smile onto her face as he hangs up. She clutches Elmo to her chest for confidence as she stares at Artie.

"So Artie. Tell me about Sam."

* * *

She doesn't call Sam.

She's going to, she really is, since Finn's busy with his tramp, but things come up and that piece of paper stays at the bottom of her purse.

The Wednesday matinee has just ended and she's busy making sure that Miss Adelaide's furs are present and accounted for in the prop room when Brittany bounces in, waving a piece of paper.

"Oh good! I found you." She beams, clearly excited.

"You did." She focuses on the furs, knowing that the actress playing Miss Adelaide will be furious if they aren't kept in pristine condition.

Brittany grins. "I wanted to discuss the theme for Artie's birthday party with you."

"Oh? What did you have in mind?" she asks, checking the furs off on her clipboard as she sorts them.

"Arthur."

She stares in surprise. "Excuse me?"

Brittany nods enthusiastically. "Well all Arthurs really. I made a list."

She holds out the paper in her hand to Rachel, who takes it, only to see a list of men named Arthur written in crayon.

"Arthur the aardvark, Arthur Weasley, King Arthur, Bea Arthur," she reads aloud. "Bea Arthur's a woman, Brits. She was one of the old ladies on _The Golden Girls_."

"She's still an Arthur," Brittany insists. "Can you think of any more Arthurs?"

"Um...Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote Sherlock Holmes," Rachel suggests.

Brittany pulls the purple crayon from over her ear, grabbing the list back to write the name down. "Anyone else?"

"Arthur Miller, who wrote _The Crucible_ and _Death of A Salesman_," she continues, moving on to make sure that the barbershop supplies needed for the second number are where they belong. "I believe _Death of a Salesman_ is coming back to Broadway. Arthur Miller was married to Marilyn Monroe, you know."

Brittany nods, scribbling away with her crayon.

"Oh and Arthur Ashe, the tennis player," Rachel adds, checking the props off on her checklist. She frowns when she realizes a pair of prop scissors is missing. "He was Daddy's favorite."

Brittany nods again. "Finn told me about him. I just forgot to write him down."

"How are you going to make this all a theme?" She changes the subject instantly, not wanting to hear that name (but wanting to at the same time).

"By using all things Arthur. Duh." Brittany hands her the missing scissors. "Artie said he wanted he wanted the party to be everything Arthur, so that's what I'm doing."

"Are you sure he wasn't joking?" She places the scissors with the others, moving onto the marching band instruments needed for Miss Sarah's band.

"He _said_," Brittany insists.

"So how are you going to do this?" she repeats. "Are you only having round tables?"

Brittany nods eagerly. "And crowns. We need crowns. Plus wizard wands for Arthur Weasley."

Rachel laughs. "Of course."

"I already bought all the Arthur the Aardvark stuff at the party store, so we have the tablecloths, plates and stuff. We'll have palm trees for Bea Arthur and we can hang tennis racquets from the trees for Arthur Ashe and we'll have to think about the others. Oh and I did the invitations. Here." She fishes in her bag, pulling out a postcard sized Arthur the Aardvark invitation to hand to Rachel.

She laughs when she sees the children's invitation, Arthur, D.W. and Buster smiling up at her. "It looks great. I'll be there."

"We're leaving for Florida tomorrow morning so I wanted to make sure I mail them out," she explains, holding up a stack of envelopes. "Artie gave Finn his, but I've got the rest of these to mail."

"I'm going to the post office, I can drop them off if you'd like," Rachel offers, wondering if Kurt's invitation is in there. Not that she cares about the Finn factor, but she'd had lovely discussions about Broadway with him at the 4th of July Christmas party that she'd like to continue.

"Great! I'm going home now to pack and get ready, so that would be a huge help." Brittany beams, handing the stack over to Rachel. "I'll call you when I get back so we can plan the Arthur theme."

"Have fun!" Rachel calls as Brittany hurries away. She waits until Brittany is out of sight before she goes through the invitations, easily locating Kurt and his Westchester address and she wonders if Finn has the same address. The thought of Kurt and Finn as roommates makes her smile as she continues flipping through the invites.

Her smile disappears however, when she gets to the last envelope. The Tramp's name and Manhattan address is staring back at her and she frowns more, unaware that Soho was the breeding ground for tramps. She places the other invitations on the table as she continues to examine Santana's envelope minutely, as if the words written on it could help her figure out what makes the Tramp so desirable to Finn.

She spies a garbage can by the door and stalks over to it, ripping the invitation into tiny pieces, lest Brittany find the evidence of what she's about to do. Determinedly, she drops the pieces into the garbage can, her satisfaction growing with each piece that lands on the bottom of the can.

She grins. If Santana never gets her invitation, she can't show up and if she can't show up, she can't be with Finn.

Which leaves Rachel plenty of guaranteed Finn time.

Her smile grows as she goes back to checking the props. She may not be able to compete with Santana in looks, boobs or sex appeal, but when it comes to getting what she wants, Rachel Berry stops at nothing.

After all, all's fair in love and war.

* * *

He hasn't seen her since he left her to go save Kurt that Tuesday.

It _sucked_ having to leave Rachel and a warm bed to drive all the way up to Orange County because Kurt was dumb enough to leave his car unlocked. She'd looked so adorable as he'd kissed her forehead, immediately shifting over to where he'd been lying and snuggling deeper under the sheet, that he was sorely tempted to call Kurt back and tell him to deal with it on his own.

Kurt certainly didn't help matters since he hadn't called the cops until Finn had gotten there, which meant that by the time they dealt with the police and he'd dropped Kurt off at his apartment, Rachel was long gone from Artie and Brittany's house. For that matter, so was Brittany, since she'd taken Connor to visit his cousins in New Jersey, which totally sucked since he'd been planning on getting information about Rachel from her (first and foremost, her phone number).

He'd hung around Artie's house, hoping Brittany (or better yet, Rachel) would show up, but Brittany somehow got lost coming home and ended up in Pennsylvania. Artie had spent the majority of the time he was there on the phone with Brittany, trying to figure out where exactly she was and how to get her home, while he kept an eye on the door and played Xbox.

In between phone calls from Brittany, he'd found himself steadfastly refuting Artie's claims that he'd scored with Santana the night before. Wanting to keep his night with Rachel to himself, he'd maintained his story that Kurt had needed his help upstate, repeating it each time Artie questioned him about Santana's performance in the bedroom.

While having to listen to Artie explain numerous times to Brittany that she needed to go northeast and not west sucked, the fact that he'd discovered his cookie jar was missing sucked even more. Rachel wanting to cuddle combined with Kurt's phone call had caused him to forget about the jar until his stomach started rumbling while Artie was fighting with Brittany over which side of the highway she needed to be on. He'd gone back to where he'd left it in the kitchen, only to discover it missing.

Naturally, Puck was his number one suspect, but given the fact that Artie had once stolen his Batman action figure in grade school, Finn couldn't eliminate him from his list of suspects. Both of them had denied knowledge of the theft, which left him sitting in his apartment eating crappy store bought cookies while he plotted ways to get his jar back and meet Rachel.

Artie's awful sense of timing had kicked him in the ass yet again, since he'd left with Brittany and Connor on a family vacation to Florida a day or two after the party. Knowing that Brittany had a strict no texting while on vacation policy, he'd bided his time until their return, even going so far as to go to Rachel's theater on his lunch hour.

Of course, Rachel wasn't there and the only person he could get to talk to him was Suit Douche. He'd handed Suit Douche one of those business cards Kurt had insisted he get (complete with his home phone and cell phone numbers on it, plus Kurt's just in case she couldn't reach him), practically begging him to make sure it got to Rachel but judging from the annoying smirk Suit Douche was sporting, it was clear he remembered Finn's preventing him from leaving at the Elmo party.

_"I'm sorry, who are you again?" Sebastian smirked, leaning against the side door of the theater._

_"Look, can you just give my card to Rachel?" Finn asked, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Or tell me when she's working again?"_

_"I'm afraid I can't do that." The smirk grew, as did Finn's annoyance. "How do I know you're not a serial killer who preys on Assistant Stage Managers?"_

_"Seriously, dude? What kind of killer specializes in stage managers? Haven't you ever watched Dexter?" Finn retorted. "Can you just give her my card?"_

_"I suppose." Sebastian sighed, holding out his hand for the card._

_Highly doubting this would work, Finn handed over his business card. "Tell her she can call me whenever. I don't care what time it is."_

She never calls_._

He goes nuts trying to figure out if she never calls because she doesn't want to, because she's embarrassed or because Suit Douche never gave her his card. Even though he strongly suspects Suit Douche, it's a week of stressing over this and his pride prevents him from going back to the theater just in case it's because she doesn't want to see him.

He actually gets desperate enough to consider helping Brittany with decorations for Artie's birthday party, hoping that Rachel will be there like last time. Once he gets a text from Artie that they're back, he quickly sends off a text to Brittany offering to help, resisting the urge to ask about Rachel. His text goes unanswered and in his increasing desperation, he texts Artie to ask Brittany about helping. According to Artie, Brittany readily agrees, telling him to show up at six on Friday night.

He's there at 5:30.

Brittany puts him to work immediately, making him arrange and rearrange the round tables all around the pool until she's satisfied at their placement. He helps her decorate the tables and moves the sword in the stone around the yard for her as he sneaks frequent glances at the door, but the only people who come out are Artie and Connor.

Brittany fires him from crown making duty after he accidentally super glues two crowns and a wizard's wand to the table, reassigning him to tree duty. He's busy hanging plastic tennis racquets on the branches Brittany specifies when he realizes that it's almost eight and there's no Rachel in sight.

"So, uh, how's work?" he asks casually as he ties a racquet on the tree.

"Fine," Brittany replies, handing him the next racquet. "Hang this one higher."

"Uh...you invite a lot of people from work to Artie's party?" he presses, trying to fish for information about Rachel.

"Just you and a few people from Artie's department. You know Sam right?" She eyes the racquet he just put up. "Move it higher."

"Oh. Sam's cool." He stretches to move the racquet to a different branch, waiting until Brittany nods in approval to tie it. "But uh...I meant _your_ work."

"Well I invited a few people." She ties a string onto another racquet, handing it up to him. "Do you think we have enough racquets?"

"I think you've got Arthur Ashe represented pretty well between the Arthur Ashe table and the racquets in the trees," Finn decides. "But uh, maybe you should ask the girl who was helping you last time. You know, uh, Rachel?"

She studies the tree for a moment. "I think we need to put some tennis balls in the tree too."

"Why don't you wait till Rachel gets here to make that decision?" he offers, hoping Brittany buys into his trap.

"She's not coming. She has to work," Brittany replies.

His heart drops. "Wait. She's not coming? Like at all?"

"She has to work the evening show tonight and the matinee tomorrow, she couldn't help set up," Brittany clarifies. "The themed tables were her idea, you know."

"But she's coming, right?" he blurts out, turning on the ladder to look down at her a little too quickly. The ladder sways, but fortunately stays upright. He grips the top of the ladder, his face flushed as he tries to cover. "I mean...like if the table names were her idea, she should totally get to see how it turned out right?"

"What do you think about the balls?" Brittany stressed, ignoring his statement.

"Uh, maybe you should call Rachel and ask her," Finn suggested, trying to get her back on the Rachel topic. "Or, you know, I could call for you. You just have to give me her number."

He pauses, waiting to see how Brittany responded to that, his fingers crossed that she'd tell him to call but he frowns when she begins shaking her head negatively.

"No. Connor dropped my phone in the toilet the other day, so I don't even have her number anymore," Brittany says sadly. "I haven't had time to get a new one."

"But she's coming tomorrow?" he presses, anxious for an answer.

Brittany nods, busy contemplating her tennis ball dilemma but finally giving him the answer he wants. "Yeah, she's coming."

He grins. "Awesome."

"Hey B! Santana was just on the phone!" Artie yells from the door. "Did you not mail her an invitation? She says she didn't get one, so I told her to come." He glances at Finn. "You can thank me later, Finn."

"Great." He rolls his eyes, wondering when Artie's going to catch onto the fact that there's only one girl he's interested in and it's _not_ Santana. Bored of hanging tennis racquets (and still not seeing _why_ they were hanging them in the first place), he gets off the step ladder, trying to figure out how to get Rachel's number and make his escape. "So is Rachel coming late then?"

Connor comes running across the yard, arms out as he makes a beeline for Finn. He attaches himself to Finn's leg, pulling on his shorts to get his attention. "Look Finn!"

"Hey little dude. What's up?" He smiles down at Connor, who's now trying to separate from his leg, clearly wanting to show him his Thomas the Tank Engine pajamas. "Awesome pjs, dude."

"I have Buzz!" Connor announces impressively, pulling his pants down to show Finn his Buzz Lightyear underwear.

"Nice," he replies, bending down low to give Connor a high five. "A Buzz Lightyear on your butt is gonna get all the girls."

"That why you have Spider-Man boxers, Finn?" Brittany asks as she pulls Connor's pants up.

Ignoring that, Finn takes Connor in his arms and stands, refocusing his attention back on Brittany. "So uh, did I do as good a job as Rachel with the decorating?"

"You're a better hanger," Brittany concedes. "You barely needed a step ladder. Rachel needs a full ladder."

"Wachel no play, Finn," Connor adds. "Wachel sad."

His ears prick up at that, wondering why Connor would say Rachel was sad. Mimicking Connor's lack of the letter R, he attempts to sound as casual as he can. "Why's Wachel sad, bud?"

"Wachel hug Elmo," he replies, giving him absolutely no information. "Wachel like Elmo."

He frowns. Other than the fact that Rachel apparently has a thing for red Muppets, he's just as in the dark as he was before. To make matters worse, Brittany's pulling Connor from his arms to put him to bed, denying him a chance to question further.

"I'll do it," he offers immediately, reaching for Connor again. "Come on, dude."

He carries Connor into his bedroom, waiting until they're both (very uncomfortably for him) settled onto Connor's toddler bed with a book before he casually questions Connor, who's snuggled under his Sesame Street comforter, Elmo next to him.

"So we're going to read _Bert and Ernie's book of Opposites_?" he begins, shifting his legs hanging over the foot board of the bed. The wood's totally digging into his thighs and he's majorly uncomfortable but if he can get some info out of Connor, it'll totally be worth it. He opens the book, stoked to see the first pair of opposites Bert and Ernie are discussing is happy/sad.

"Wachel sad," Connor comments from his pillow, pointing to a sad Ernie.

"Yeah, you said." He pounces on the opportunity, mentally thanking Ernie for being sad. "How come she was sad, dude?"

"Ernie sad." Connor points to Ernie again, clutching his Elmo doll.

"Yeah, I know Ernie's sad, Bert ate the last cookie," Finn replies impatiently. "I would be too. But why was Rachel sad?"

"Read," Connor demands. "No Ernie sad."

"How about no Rachel sad?" he counters, turning the page.

"Wachel sad." He points to Ernie playing the drums to Bert's annoyance on the new page. "Finn play."

"That's right, little dude." He figures he's chasing after a lost cause, but he tries one more time. "Rachel play an instrument?"

"No. Wachel sad." He stares up at Finn. "Read."

He sighs, knowing he's not going to get any more information out of the little guy. Quickly, he reads the rest of the book, his mind running over possible reasons why Connor would be convinced Rachel was sad. Connor falls asleep before he's read the last page and he maneuvers himself off the bed, cursing whoever thought of toddler sized beds.

His mind's still whirling as he heads back out to Brittany and the decorations. She's resumed making crowns at the patio table with Artie, and he plops into an empty seat, deep in thought. At some point, Rachel was sad for whatever reason and just the _thought_ of her being sad killed him.

"He's asleep, Finn?" Artie asks, adjusting his glasses.

Finn nods, watching Brittany carefully place rhinestones in a specific pattern on the tiara she's working on. "Those for the party?"

"Of course." She stares at Finn in surprise. "Girls can't wear the boy crowns at the Round Table."

"Mine's pretty bad ass," Artie announces. He stares at Finn knowingly. "Bet you're excited for the party."

"Yeah, yeah I am," he answers, knowing Artie's assuming he's excited for Santana and not bothering to correct him.

"Of course he's excited. He gets to wear a crown and sit at King Arthur table," Brittany interjects excitedly, digging through a bin of rhinestones in front of her. "Finn's going to be a Knight of the Round Table and wear armor."

There's no way in hell he's wearing armor, but again, he lets Brittany assume what she wants. He eyes the crown Brittany's currently gluing stones onto, an idea germinating in his head. Rachel had once made him a special button, she'd probably be really thrilled to have a special princess crown just for her.

He eyes the pile of tiaras by Brittany, reaching for one before she remembers she'd fired him from crown decorating before. Hoping his voice sounds casual, he directs his question at Brittany as he examines the tiara. "So you're just gluing the stones on?"

"Right." She nods and he lets out a relieved breath as he watches her dig through the bin of rhinestones, seemingly looking for something specific.

"Cool." He stares down at the tiara before reaching for the bin, not quite sure what exactly he's going to do. True, he doesn't really know Rachel, but he's pretty sure he _knows_ Rachel. He'd totally nailed the snow globe and he thinks she's kind of like the marquees on it, bright and exciting (and definitely pretty to look at). All those years of living with Kurt have finally paid off because he reaches for the bin again, determined to bling the hell out of the tiara. He shifts through the bin, deciding that Rachel would like a pink tiara, since she'd worn that awesome pink ruffled bikini.

"Making that for yourself?" Artie asks with a smirk, watching Finn line up pink rhinestones on the table in front of him.

"Nope." He moves the different shades of pink rhinestones around, trying to figure out the best pattern. He glances up as he hears a click, frowning when he realizes that Artie's just taken his picture and probably sent it off to Puck.

Sure enough, his own phone beeps with a text and he rolls his eyes at Puck asking if he has the matching necklace and earrings to match. Undaunted, he continues forming his pattern, knowing that a blinged out tiara would make Rachel happy.

"I like that pattern," Brittany comments as he carefully began to glue on rhinestones. "It's pretty."

He grins, hoping Rachel thinks so.

And if it makes her happy, even better.

* * *

She's determined to make him see what he's missing.

She knows she can't compete with Santana in terms of sex appeal and boob size, but she buys a new bathing suit anyway.

And this time, there's nothing cute about it.

No, this time she's showing up at Brittany's in the tiniest bikini she felt comfortable in, a minescule low rise sky blue colored bottom held together on the sides by strings and a matching (equally tiny) bandeau top, each with a splash of sequins across the front that she found appealing. She'd seriously considered a super skimpy bikini that barely covered anything (yet somehow promised she'd go up two cup sizes), but ultimately decided it was just _too_ trampy.

She eyes herself in the mirror, wondering if she should do a last minute switch to her ruffled bathing suit. After all, he _did_ say it was cute, so he obviously liked it (clearly not as much as Santana's slutty suit but still). She tugs on the strings holding her bottom together, not about to have a wardrobe malfunction in front of Santana and give her more reason to mock.

A grin appears on her face when she remembers that there's no way Santana will be at the party, since her invitation was _accidentally_ torn to shreds and thrown out. That little nugget of information gives her the confidence boost she needs to keep the bathing suit on and not change back to the ruffled one so she tugs the strings a final time just to make sure they're tight.

Satisfied that the strings were securely tied, she pulls on the material, trying to cover more of her rear end. Quickly, before she can change her mind again, she pulls on the tiny strapless dark green cover up/dress she'd bought to go with her new bikini, hoping the shape of it will elongate her legs (and not because it reminds her of his bathing suit).

"Knock knock! Rachela!"

Her father's reflection suddenly appears in the mirror and she bits her lip, her hands automatically tugging on the hem of her cover-up. "Hi, Dad."

"Are you ready for the party?" Hiram asks, making himself comfortable on her bed. "Have you seen your decorations yet?"

She watches him in the mirror, frowning a little at his actions. Ordinarily, she doesn't mind her fathers coming down to visit her in the basement apartment they'd created for her in their house, but considering she's in the midst of a quest to take down a tramp and extract revenge, this isn't the most opportune moment for a visit. "Not yet. I had to work last night and this afternoon."

"I'm sure your themed tables will be a big hit, Angel." He picks up the snow globe residing on her nightstand. "When did you get this?"

She blushes. "It was a gift."

"From who?" He continues to examine the globe, reading all the marquees at the base.

"I got it in the Yankee Swap at Brittany's last party, so it's really from no one," she says carefully, hoping he'll stop asking questions. She bites her lip as he continues to look at the globe, partly afraid he'll break it. If that happens, she doesn't know what she'll do because it's currently the only reminder of her night with Finn. While she plans on having more nights like that with Finn once the Tramp is somehow out of the picture, at the moment the only thing she can do is stare at it as she lays alone in bed, wondering what he's doing (and if he's alone).

Even if he didn't want her cookie jar.

Her father is still holding her Broadway snow globe and she stares at it worriedly, wishing she'd regulated it to her closet with the Batman cookie jar she'd taken back once she realized Finn had abandoned it. If Finn was going to insist on chasing that tramp, then he was clearly undeserving of her cookies, which was why she'd felt no remorse in taking back the jar from Brittany's the day after the Yankee Swap. Once Finn comes to his senses and realizes he wants to date her and not Santana, she'll be more than happy to keep him well stocked in cookies but until then, no cookies for Finn.

"Oh. Well someone clearly had you in mind," Hiram replies. "It's beautiful and _so_ you."

"I love it," she admits as she packs a bag with a towel and some spare clothes. She frowns, peeking at her father to see that he _still_ has the snow globe in the air. "Can you put it down now?"

"If it was in Yankee Swap, maybe it's from an admirer," Hiram speculates, ignoring her request.

"I doubt it, since there's no guarantee I'd get it. I had to trade for it," she replies, watching him manhandle her precious globe. "Seriously. Please put it down."

Not waiting for him to follow her directions, she strides across to the bed, taking the globe from him and carefully placing it back down on the nightstand.

"Sebastian picking you up again?" Hiram asks, pursing his lips in thought. "Oh! Maybe he's your admirer, Rachela!"

"He wasn't at the party, so no," she says firmly, disgusted at the thought. "He's only giving me a ride because my car is back in the shop and I'm on the way to Brittany's."

"Well maybe you should take note of who's at the party tonight," Hiram suggests.

She blushes, already knowing quite well who's going to be at the party. Fortunately, Sebastian texts to say he's outside waiting, so she grabs her bag and heads out to his car after a hurried goodbye to her father, her bathing suit forgotten as her annoyance at having to hitch a ride with Sebastian yet again grows. Just like last time, he immediately launches into a backstabbing tirade about his cast mates and she quickly tunes him out.

The entire car ride up to Brittany's is spent _not_ thinking of Finn. She's not thinking of his red Hawaiian bathing suit (but only because she's hoping for the green one again) and she's certainly _not_ thinking of what a good kisser he was (and that's without having tested his French skills). Nor is she thinking of his adorable smile (even it gives him character) and his thick hair (that she definitely doesn't want to tangle her fingers in).

She hops out of the car almost before Sebastian comes to a full stop, more than ready to get away from him. Happily, she heads up the front walkway and into the house. Her grin disappears almost immediately when she walks into the kitchen and sees Brittany, dressed as Bea Arthur's character Dorothy from _The Golden Girls_, handing a Margarita to _her._ Her eyes roam over the super slutty gold bikini that's barely holding her in and her frown grows even more as she tugs down her dress, once again feeling like a toddler.

"Oh! You're here!" Brittany cries excitedly. "You remember Santana, right?"

"Yes, we've met," Rachel replies crisply, shifting her bag on her shoulder.

"You were the one in the ruffled bathing suit and that adorable little girl party dress, right?" Santana asks snidely. "I thought for sure you'd show up here dressed as Guinevere."

She flushes, but holds her head up high, resisting the urge to ask if she's dressed as a famous stripper named Arthur. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go outside and get a drink."

"Yeah, go have some Arthur Juicy Juice. That's about your speed." Santana turns back to Brittany, taking a sip of her drink. "So what did Finn tell you about me?"

Unsure of whether the intended or unintended insult stings more she heads outside, her eyes immediately noticing a lack of Finn in the yard. Kurt's over by the drinks so she waves and heads that way. "Hi."

"Hey. You want something to drink?" He gestures to the cooler and she frowns at the juice boxes of Juicy Juice. "I have no idea why there's Juicy Juice."

"Arthur's on the box," Rachel explains, avoiding the juice boxes and reaching for a cup to fill with the homemade ButterBeer Brittany had made in honor of Arthur Weasley. "All the food is Arthur themed. We went shopping last week and got all the boxes of Arthur the Aardvark macaroni and cheese we could get, plus all the Arthur shaped chicken nuggets."

"I had to make an Arthur the aardvark cake." He rolls his eyes. "For Finn's birthday one year, Brittany made the theme video games because he loves them so much. But everyone had to come dressed as their favorite video game or they weren't allowed in."

"Well that sounds cute." She smiles, already picturing Finn dressed as Super Mario.

Kurt shakes his head. "You don't understand. When I say everyone had to come dressed as their favorite video game, I mean it. Everyone had to come dressed as either the box or the cartridge. If you didn't, she banned you."

Rachel laughs. "Well that sounds-"

"Rachel! There you are!"

She turns at the interruption, only to see Artie, dressed in jeans, a yellow sweater vest and a red bow tie, being wheeled by a muscular blonde man in a blue bathing suit. "Hello, Artie."

Artie pushes up his glasses as he comes to stop in front of Rachel and Kurt. "Rachel, I wanted to introduce you to Sam."

Sam straightens up, allowing Rachel to see just how muscular Sam is. Her eyes are roaming over his chest appreciatively when she notices the back door slide open and Finn step out, dressed in the dark green bathing suit she'd been hoping for.

Artie grins, mistaking the fact that her eyes just lit up as pleasure at meeting Sam. "Sam, this is Rachel, the one I told you about."

"You work with Brittany, right?' Sam asks kindly.

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah I do," Rachel replies busy watching Finn, who's been joined by Brittany and the Tramp. Ignoring whatever Sam's saying to her, she watches as the Tramp steps closer to Finn and runs a hand along his stomach. Jealous of that hand, her eyes fly up to Finn's face, trying to gauge his reaction but the sunglasses he's wearing prevent her from getting an accurate reading. She's pleased to note that he makes no move to touch her, instead bending over to dig through a cooler, but then the thought grips her that maybe he just doesn't want to make Brittany uncomfortable with PDA.

The Tramp evidently doesn't have a problem with PDA since he steps closer to Finn and runs a finger down his bent back and along the edge of his bathing suit before she cups his ass. She can tell Finn pauses at the action, but since he continues to dig through the cooler she figures he's not opposed to Tramp Touching.

Unable to watch Santana put her hands on what she considers to be _her_ ass, Rachel refocuses back on Sam, a bright smile pasted on her face. "I'm sorry, Sam. Could you repeat that?"

"Hey darlin, how are you doing?" he responds in an impersonation of Matthew McConaughey.

She lets out a loud laugh and places a hand on his arm, sneaking a peek at Finn, who's straightened up and is now watching her. Her smile gets a little brighter and she focuses on Sam again, forcing her voice to sound cheery. "That's hysterical, Sam! You sound just like him!"

"I do others," he replies eagerly.

"Oh?" She notices Finn wave and take a few steps in her direction but he's stopped by the Tramp saying something to him. He makes eye contact with her again and she makes sure he sees her twist a lock of hair around her finger as she smiles at Sam again. "Maybe you can show me? Like over by the pool?"

"Let's go ma'am." His John Wayne impersonation complete, he grins and holds out an arm.

"You're _so_ funny!" She takes the offered arm, pleased to see Finn watching her and even more pleased to see him ignoring the Tramp as he watches.

She sneaks a peek over her shoulder as he leads her away. Finn's not only still watching, his face is a mask of confusion and (she thinks) jealousy.

And that? That makes her happy.

Sort of.

* * *

He'd seen her as soon as he walked into the yard.

His Rachel senses had been tingling and he'd immediately spotted her talking to Kurt, Artie and that guy Sam from work, looking amazing in a dark green dress that made her legs look awesome. He'd waved and tried to walk over to her but Santana the ass grabber had gotten in his way, trying to talk to him about something stupid.

And now Rachel's over by the pool laughing hysterically at whatever Sam is saying, which is totally not cool.

Sam's cool to play video games with once in a while or discuss the latest football game with in the break room, but no way is he cool enough to be hanging around Rachel. He doubts Sam even knows where Broadway is, let alone be willing to listen to Rachel go on and on about it. And he _seriously_ doubts Sam's qualified to be Rachel's official cuddle pillow.

And yet she's grabbing his arm to feel his bicep while he's stuck listening to Puck talk about which superhero is more doable, Wonder Woman or Batgirl. Ordinarily, he'd give serious thought to the matter, but right now he's kind of preoccupied with the fact that Sam's got his hand on Rachel's back and is leading her this way.

"Hey Finn," Sam says easily as they come to a stop in front of him and Puck. "You guys know Rachel?"

"Yeah, we've met," Puck replies, seeing that Finn is busy staring at the hand Sam has resting on Rachel's waist and seems to be unable to talk. "Good to see you, Rachel."

"Nice to see you again, Noah," she says sweetly. Her tone gets less sweet as she looks at Finn. "Finn."

"Rachel! I-" His eyes are busy analyzing the body language between the two, trying to figure out when this relationship happened.

"We're going to get some ButterBeer. You want some, Noah?" Rachel asks, cutting him off.

"I'm good." He holds up his own beer.

"Let's go, my dear," Sam announces, evidentially channeling Sean Connery.

Finn rolls his eyes at the poor impersonation, but Rachel seems to love it, giggling as Sam leads her away. He watches her go longingly, once again noticing how amazing she looks.

"What the fuck was that?" Pucks asks immediately. "Isn't that the girl you've been jerking off to lately? What's she doing with Malibu Ken?"

"I have no idea," he replies miserably, watching Rachel over by the drinks table, happy to see that she's stepped out of Sam's hold.

"What did you do to piss her off? She had the _I want you but I'm mad at you_ look on her face."

"Yeah? You sure?" he demands. "How do you know?"

"Are you kidding me? I get that look like ninety times a day from Quinn." He takes a swig of beer before continuing. "You better figure out what you did wrong if you want to get in that dress."

"You think so?"

"Trust me. She knew _exactly_ what she was doing when she put it on, judging by the drool coming from your mouth."

"Maybe." He watches her, the feeling that she's ignoring him growing more and more pronounced since she's now not only talking to Sam, she's also talking to Jacob, her hand on his arm as she laughs at whatever lame thing Jacob said. Since he knows that there's no way she found anything Jacob said even remotely funny, she's clearly doing this on purpose.

Which means he needs to break out the big guns. He looks around the yard, spying what he needs over at the King Arthur table and he grins. If she won't talk to him, there's one person she will talk to.

Connor.

He grabs Connor from Brittany, whispering directions as he hurries into the house to grab Rachel's tiara that he'd hidden. Connor still in his arms, he returns to the yard, stopping short when he realizes he's just in time to see Rachel remove her dress and reveal the smokin' bikini she's wearing underneath. He stares, wondering how he could have ever thought that the ruffled bikini was hot when this one was off the charts hot.

Fortunately, Connor accidentally hits him with the tiara he's holding, bringing him back to his senses. Forcing himself to remain calm, he casually walks over to Rachel, who's busy folding her dress into her bag. "Hey Rach."

She looks up, her face thrilled for a moment before taking on a stony face. "Finn."

"Connor wanted to say hello," he replies, noting the change. "He's got something for you."

"Wachel!" Connor cries from Finn's arms, playing his part perfectly. "Here, Wachel."

She smiles as she accepts the tiara he's holding out. "Is this for me? Should I put it on?"

He nods excitedly and she laughs as she puts it on her head. "How do I look?"

Connor claps his hands excitedly. "Wachel pretty, Finn."

"You're right, bud. Wachel does look pretty in that tiara." He smiles at her, hoping she'll stop being mad at him for whatever he did. "Like _super_ pretty."

"I love it. Did you make it for me?" Rachel asks, tickling Connor's stomach and ignoring both Finn and his comment.

"Finn make."

The statement stops Rachel mid tickle and she pulls the tiara off her head, handing it back to Connor. "In that case, maybe Finn should give it to someone else."

"No. Wachel wear." He hands her back the tiara.

"Rachel, what are you talking about?" Finn asks in confusion, noticing that she's handed the tiara back to Connor again.

"Wachel wear," Connor insists, holding the tiara out again. "Finn say."

"I'm sure Finn meant it for someone else, Connor," Rachel explains. "It's certainly not me."

"Actually I didn't. I-" He gets no further because Santana chooses that moment to come up to him, sliding her arm around his waist.

"Are you ready to lose the kid and hit the hot tub to get your mack on?" she asks, ignoring Rachel. "Third base, maybe?"

"I told you before, I'm-" Again he's cut off, this time by Rachel.

"It's actually perfect that you're here, Tra-_Santana,_" Rachel interjects. "Connor and Finn have a present for you." She yanks the tiara out of Connor's hand, ignoring his cries of _"no! Wachel's!"_ as she pushes it into Santana's hands and runs off.

"What do I want with this?" she asks. "It looks like it's for a five year old."

"It's not for you," Finn snaps, grabbing the tiara back.

"Whatever. Are we going in the hot tub to make out or not?" She examines her nails as she waits for his answer.

"_We _are not going in the hot tub," Finn says firmly, his eyes scanning the yard for any sign of Rachel. He spies Sam coming out of the house and grins. "But uh, you see that blond guy in the blue bathing suit? He's totally been checking you out. Ask him."

He hurries off, dropping Connor off with Artie before he resumes his search for Rachel. She's sitting on a swing and he's almost in front of her when she sees him coming and runs off into Connor's playhouse nearby.

Not knowing what else to do, he knocks on the door to the playhouse. "Rachel?"

"Go away, Finn."

He knocks again. "Can I come in?"

"No. I said go away."

"Please?" He suddenly realizes that the door can't possibly have a lock on it and attempts to open it, frowning when he realizes she's pulling on the other side, keeping the little door firmly shut. "Rachel, just let me in."

"Don't you have tramps to make out with and third base to reach?"

"Huh?" He stands up, trying to figure out what the hell she's talking about.

"Just go away."

Her voice sounds weird and he realizes she's crying. Why, he has no idea, but she definitely is, which makes him more determined to get in the playhouse. "Rach-"

"Please leave me alone."

"If you don't let me in, I'll just crawl through the window," he teases, deciding to try a different tactic. "I don't think Connor sprung for the fancy home security system when he got the house."

She pokes her head out of a window. "Don't be ridiculous, Finn. You'd never fit. You'd get stuck like Winnie-the-Pooh did when he tried to climb out Rabbit's hole."

He shrugs as her head disappears back inside. "Fine, then I'll just take off the roof and climb in."

Her head appears in the window again. "You wouldn't dare."

He knocks on the roof. "Looks like Connor's a cheapskate like his old man and hired shitty builders. This roof will be a cinch to take off."

Her eyes narrow. "Finn, if you take off that roof, I swear I'll never speak to you again."

He glances down at her for a second before resumes his study of the roof. "Well since you're already not talking to me, that's an idle threat. I think if I pop this part here, it'll all come off."

"Don't you dare!"

As predicted, the roof pops right off and he lifts a section, smiling down at Rachel. "Peek-a-boo."

"Finn!" she screeches. "You put that roof back this instant!"

"Are you going to let me in?"

"Fine," she huffs. "But only because I don't want Connor to have to buy a new roof. I'd imagine that's a major expense in today's economy."

He replaces the roof just as the little door opens. It takes a lot of bending and maneuvering on his part but he manages to get into the little playhouse, closing the door behind him.

"Stay by the fireplace," Rachel warns, pointing to the plastic fireplace molded into the wall next to his very slouched over body. "The kitchenette is my area."

He nods, trying to figure out the best way to fit his body in the tiny space. Rachel is sitting cross legged by the fake kitchenette, and he already knows he can't sit like that. He tries crouching down but considering the playhouse is like three feet high, that doesn't work so well either. Dropping the tiara he's still holding on the ground, he finally settles on sitting against the fireplace, his knees at his chest and his legs in front of him.

"I told you to stay on your side," Rachel snaps as she stares at him.

"I am." He shifts a little so that she can see the fireplace behind him.

"Then why are your legs in my kitchenette?" she demands, pointing to the bent legs invading the space next to her.

"What do you want me to do? Hang them out the window? This thing is like two feet wide and my legs are longer than that," he reasons. "So unless you can think of another place to put them, they're coming into your kitchenette."

"Fine." She pushes his legs a little as she turns to face the kitchenette, effectively turning her back on him.

He reaches out to touch her shoulder. "What's got you so upset?"

She shrugs off his hand. "Please keep your hands on your side. It's bad enough I have your legs in my kitchenette."

"Are you mad I didn't call?" he asks. "I wanted to but I didn't have your number and Brittany and Artie were away. I even stopped by your theater."

She looks over her shoulder and he takes it as a sign he's making progress, although he's still not sure what he did. "You stopped by the theater?"

"I did." He nods firmly. "But the suit douche wouldn't give me your number."

She turns slightly. "You talked to Sebastian? He didn't tell me."

Finn rolls his eyes. "Why am I not surprised? I even left my number for him to give you."

Rachel looks thoughtful at this new development until a frown appears on her face. "But that doesn't explain..."

She turns back around, leaving him more bewildered. "Explain what?"

When she doesn't answer, he sighs, whether because of her or because of the cramping feeling in his legs he's not sure. He shifts his legs so that he's got one on either side of her, trapping her but giving him (slightly) more room.

She glances down at his legs but refuses to turn around or answer.

"Explain what?" he prompts again.

"I know about Santana," she finally whispers, still not turning around.

"Santana? What about her?" he asks, trying to think of what she could mean.

"I know about you and her." The words come quietly from her mouth. "I heard all about it."

"Huh?"

"I need to leave," she says suddenly, turning around. "Can you move your gigantic legs so I can get pass?"

"You're not leaving," he says firmly. "Not till I know what you're talking about."

"Fine," she huffs. "I'll just go out a window. Unlike you, I can pass safely through without fear of reenacting a scene from Winnie-the-Pooh."

He frowns as she sticks her head out of the window over her kitchenette, realizing she's serious about climbing out the window. She's halfway out before he uses his long legs to his advantage, moving them to block her window escape and pull her back in.

"Finn!" she screeches as his long arms wrap around her waist and finish pulling her back in. "How dare you stop my storm out!"

He sets her down facing him between his legs, caging her tightly. "You're not storming out until I know what the hell you're talking about. What about me and Santana?"

She refuses to look at him, focusing on the fake picture molded to the wall to the right of Finn. He moves his head, blocking her view and she refocuses on the wall on his other side, frowning when he moves his face into her vision again. "Finn! Knock it off! I'm trying to study the portrait on the wall, not your cute face!"

He uses his fingers to force her to look at him. "Me and my cute face want to know why you're mad at us."

She bites her lip, her eyes downcast. "I told you. Santana."

"And I told _you_, I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied, tilting her head to force her eyes up. His first look at her eyes shows them glistening with some unshed tears and his thumb comes up to wipe her eyes automatically. "Tell me."

She stares at him, her eyes still watery. "You were talking to her."

"So?" He wipes her eyes again, his legs caging her closer to him.

"She's so much prettier than I am." Her eyes look down again as her hand rests on his thigh.

"She's totally not, but go on," he replies, forcing her to look up at him again. "I don't see what that has to do with me."

"I know about your crush on her," she mutters, pulling her head out of his grasp. "I overheard Artie."

"Artie?" Finn demands. "What did he say?"

"That you probably regretted not wanting to play Santa since Santana was a sexy Mrs. Claus and that you were hoping to use that box of condoms with her," she says quietly, her hands resting on his thighs like an armchair. "I heard him say it on the phone."

"Rachel look at me," he replies, shifting her legs so that they're on either side of him and he can pull her closer. He rests his hands on her knees, waiting until she looks up at him. "Artie's convinced that I want to date her."

"Do you?" She looks down, suddenly interested in his bathing suit.

"I had a crush on her for like two seconds back at Connor's party, until I hit this incredibly hot girl with a volleyball. After that hit, Santana was just a girl at an Elmo party." He smiles as she looks up, her eyes hopeful. "I spent the whole rest of the party trying to get the nerve to talk to you and watching your every move."

"You did?" She stares at him, leaning a little closer to him.

"I did," he agrees, smiling. "Not only that, but if Brittany had told me you were playing Mrs. Claus, I'd have been in that Santa suit faster than Kurt can make a sarcastic comment about my clothes."

"But you have a crush on her," Rachel points out stubbornly.

He rolls his eyes. "Rachel. Haven't you been listening? I _had_ a crush on her, not have."

"But she's so pretty and exotic looking," Rachel insists. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." He stares at her, his face breaking out into a smile. "There is another girl I have a major thing for though."

She stares at him, her face hopeful. "Really? Who?"

He grins as he leans closer, his forehead resting on hers. "You."

Her lips are on his before the word finishes leaving his mouth and he groans, wrapping his arms around her as he pulls her closer. Her tongue is already in his mouth and he can barely think but it's ok, because he's kissing Rachel and he knows that when he's kissing her everything is going to be ok.

She pulls away from him, breathing heavy as she stares at him. "Are you sure? She filled out that slutty costume better than I ever could. Not to mention that scrap of fabric she's passing off as a bikini tonight."

He grabs the tiara he's dropped onto the floor, slipping it onto her head. "I think you should know that I spent 3 hours last night making this just for you. Not her, you."

"Really?" She stares at him, wide eyed. "You really made it for me?"

"Picked every rhinestone out myself and only glued my fingers together twice." He grins, his hands cupping her face as his thumbs brush over the apples of her cheeks and he places a gentle kiss against her lips. "And for the record, I happen to like blue bikinis much better."

Her smile grows wide and she wraps her arms around his neck, her fingers threading through his hair as she pushes his mouth to hers. She's sucking on his bottom lip when she shifts in his lap, her core brushing against his.

He groans at the sensation, his bathing suit well on the way to being too tight. Rachel's moved her face to start sucking on his neck and he's pretty sure the bite she just did marked him. He figures the fact that she just gave him a hickey means he's got free rein to explore her body and he decides to start slow, moving his hands to cup her ass. He squeezes gently and she seems to like it, judging by the little moan she gives against his lips. Experimentally, he runs a finger just under the edge of her bikini bottom, loving the feeling of bare ass against his finger.

She hasn't slapped him yet, so he figures he can slip his hands a little further in and really cup her ass. He waits until she's distracted by the way he's sucking on her pulse point and marking her before he slides his hands under the fabric of her bikini bottom, gently kneading the soft skin he finds there. The little whimpers coming from her mouth spur him on and he squeezes harder, his lips kissing up her neck to take her earlobe in his mouth.

He moves his hands out from under her bikini bottom because as awesome as her ass is (and it's really awesome; he should know-he totally just copped a feel), he really really wants to get to the Holy Grail under her bikini top.

Rachel lets loose another soft moan as he nips at her earlobe again and he takes that as a good sign. He figures its an even better sign when she turns her head and captures his lips, her tongue moving past his lips and into his mouth almost immediately while her hands slide up his chest to rest on his pecs. He places his hands strategically, one holding her neck while the other is on her waist, that way he can come in from both angles and see which she's more receptive to.

She keeps kissing him, her tongue exploring his mouth and he's pretty sure she's the best French kisser in the world, because her tongue is just _everywhere_. She moves her hands to wrap around his neck and presses closer to him and holy shit, he can feel her boobs against his chest.

They feel incredible.

And that's just pressed against his chest. He can hardly imagine what they'd feel like in his hands. The hand he still has on her waist slowly creeps up to chest level and he stealthily places his hand on her back while he gets the other one in position. She presses against him again and he's not sure if it was an accident but she totally just ground her hips against him as she shifted. He leans back with her in his arms, completely forgetting about the plastic fireplace behind him until he bangs his head against it.

She giggles at the interruption, pulling her face off his. "Are you ok?"

He flushes slightly but takes the opportunity to use his thumbs to stroke the super soft skin above the side of her bikini top. "I'm fine."

"Good." She smiles, her hands back on his pecs. Slowly, he leans forward, kissing and sucking on her neck as he strokes a little closer to the front of her boobs. He kisses down her neck, sucking on her collarbone and he moves his hands so that he's palming her breasts over her bikini top, his thumbs tracing the top of her bikini.

She pulls her face away from his again, chewing her lip. "You know, you can touch them if you want to."

He wants to. Oh _God_ does he want to.

Grinning like a fool, he places a few kisses against her collarbone when he hears her whimper and he kisses lower, his lips dragging across her chest as his hands slip under her bikini to feel her breasts without any barriers.

Incredible doesn't begin to describe it.

His hands commence fondling them, her bikini top beginning to slip down off of one breast. She throws her head back and he picks his head up off her chest to stare at her, marveling at her beauty. Slowly, he leans forward and kisses the soft skin of her left breast, his hands pushing her bikini down fully and letting it bunch under her breasts.

"Oooh," she whimpers as she feels him suck and bite lightly on her breast, his tongue soothing the irritated spot. She sighs again as he kisses his way over to her other breast, his hand coming up to lavish attention on the one not being attended to by his mouth.

He's just about to unhook her top and rid her of it completely, his mouth still attached to her breast, when he hears a loud banging on the roof. Startled, he holds Rachel to him just in time to see Puck's head appear in one of the windows behind Rachel. "What's going on in here?"

"Go away!" Finn hisses, still holding the hooks of her bikini top. Rachel gives a little squeal, her head buried in his neck from embarrassment.

Puck smirks. "Using Connor's Bachelor Pad to get lucky?"

"Get out!" he cries, the little squeaks of embarrassment emanating from Rachel's lips hitting his ears.

"Hey Chang! Check this out!" Puck yells. "Hudson's rounding second!"

"What's going on?" Mike's head appears in the next window over from Puck's, taking in the scene in front of him. "Really, Finn? A playhouse?"

"That's what I said," Puck replies, turning his head in the window to look at Mike. "She's gonna hit her head on the roof once she starts riding him."

"Good point," Mike agrees. "But I think the leg cramps Finn's gonna get are a bigger problem. He won't last too long."

"I see you pushed down her top," Puck observes. "I usually just go straight for the take off, saves time. Who knows when someone's gonna barge in?"

"Another good point," Mike concedes, looking at Puck from his window. "Gotta be quick, especially when you have kids."

"Dude, get the fuck out of here!" He uses his legs to his advantage, kicking the wall just under Mike's window. Thankfully, Mike takes the hint and pulls his head from the window with a laugh. Puck's still in his window though, and he aims a little higher this time, making Puck duck the foot coming his way. "Get out!"

Puck holds up his hands. "Alright, alright. I'll spread the word that if the playhouse is a rockin' don't come a knockin'."

"Jerk." Finn grabs a plastic steak lying on the ground nearby and chucks it at Puck, who ducks just in time, still laughing as he walks away.

Rachel's got an incredibly tight hold on his neck and she's kind of choking him, but he doesn't totally mind since her boobs are pressed against him again. Still, he kinda figures Puck killed the mood so he gives her a reassuring hug and places a kiss against her hair. "Sorry. He can be an ass."

She pulls away from him, smiling shyly and he notices that her lips are swollen from his kisses.

He likes that.

Grinning, he pulls her back to him, burying his face in her neck and fully intending to leave a mark on her neck like the one he's already left on her breast.

"Finn, no," Rachel insists, giggling as she pulls his face off her neck.

"Rachel, yes," he murmurs, transferring his attention to her lips. He places a few kisses against them hoping to distract her, his hands moving to fondle her breasts.

"Finn," she mumbles against his lips and he's pleased to feel her place a series of kisses against his lips but frowns when she pulls away again. She gives him a fixed look as she places her hands on his shoulders, but doesn't stop him from kneading her breasts. "We have to stop."

"Why?" His lips return to hers, nibbling on her bottom lip for a moment before he speaks again. "Connor's about to go to sleep. He's not gonna need his house. I'm his Godfather, I can totally borrow it."

She giggles, placing her forehead against his, her hands coming up to still his against her breasts. "I don't think working out deals to score with girls in a playhouse is part of the Godfather's duties."

"It might be," he murmurs, his mouth moving to press against hers. "Now where were we?"

"Finn, no," she insists, pushing him away again. "You heard Noah. I don't need him going around telling everyone that I fornicated in a playhouse."

He sighs, watching in disappointment as she pulls her bikini top back up and adjusts it. "As hot as you look in that bikini, I liked it better when it was down."

She blushes a little, her eyes downcast as she bits her lip. "I'm not hot. I'm sure you'd say Santana looks hot in her trampy gold bikini."

"No, I'd say Santana looks like Goldmember in her bikini," he corrects, tipping her chin up to stare into her eyes. "And I still think I like your bikini under your boobs better."

She leans forward, kissing him gently before she speaks. "Be nice and maybe I'll put it down again."

"Yeah? That a promise?" he murmurs against her lips.

"Guess you have to wait and see." She smiles, feeling something hard pressing against her thigh and she shifts, rubbing against it. "You going to be ok?"

He stills her with his hands. "Not if you keep doing that."

She giggles, scooting back a little and moving to kneel between his legs. "That better?"

He doesn't answer, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the plastic fireplace.

She leans forward, placing a kiss against his lips. "I'll leave you to calm down and lose that, ok? Come find me outside."

"Ok." He accepts another kiss from her, watching as she crawls over him and out the little door before he sets to work ridding himself of his hardness. He can't even process what just happened because it makes him harder so he focuses on all the depressing images he can think of until he's finally ready to go back out in public.

With great difficulty, he maneuvers himself out of the house and stands, ignoring the cat calls from Puck as his eyes automatically start searching the yard for Rachel. He spies her over by the King Arthur table, talking with Kurt and he heads that way. Rachel seems to sense him coming because she turns her head in his direction, smiling widely.

He's not quite sure what to do when he gets near Rachel, so he settles for standing just behind her. This leaves him with another dilemma since given the events of the playhouse, he's not sure if he should put his arms around her and pull her close to him or if he should just hold her hand (and if he takes her hand, is it a full fledged hand holding or just a few fingers?). Rachel must know he's in the midst of a dilemma because she casually reaches behind her and links her pinky with his. The simple act makes him grin like a fool and if Kurt notices, he doesn't say anything.

He does say something later when he catches them kissing on the swing, Rachel sitting backwards on Finn's lap as he pumps his legs back and forth. Kurt promptly sits down on the next swing over, demanding to know how long this has been going on, why he wasn't informed, and exactly where Finn has taken Rachel for dates, in that order.

Finn simply ignores him, placing his arms under Rachel and picking her up, carrying her away from Kurt while Rachel squeals and places kisses on his face, the tiara she insists on wearing sitting askew on her head.

He brings her into the pool, placing her on the edge while he stands between her legs. She giggles against his lips, resting her forehead against his. "That was quite rude, Finn."

"He'll get over it." He places a quick kiss against her lips.

_"Rachel! We need to go!"_

To his annoyance, Suit Douche is striding their way and comes to a stop next to Rachel, staring down at her.

"She's got a ride home, dude," Finn replies, looking up at him as his hands wrap around her waist. "I'll take her home."

"That may be, but I left my wallet in my dressing room and Rachel's got a key to the theater," Sebastian retorts. "She needs to come with me now."

"It's one thirty in the morning. You can't wait till you go to work?" Rachel asks, her foot running up Finn's thigh under the water.

"No. I need it now. What if the janitor stole my credit card and racked up enormous bills?" he demands, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Don't be ridiculous. Horace would never do that," Rachel chides. "I'm sure everything will be intact."

"Now. We need to go now," he insists.

Rachel sighs. "Fine. Let me get my stuff."

"I'll walk you out," Finn adds, incredibly annoyed at this new development.

He follows Rachel out to Sebastian's car, relieved when he gets in immediately and leaves them to say goodbye.

Rachel places her bag in the seat and stands up on her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck with a kiss. "You have my number, right?"

"You put it in my phone when we were eating," he murmurs, kissing her lips several times. "I think you should call me when you get home."

"I will." She presses her lips against his firmly. "Or you could call me when you get home."

"Deal." He moves his head, kissing down her neck few times and ignoring the honking of the horn.

"I have to go," she mumbles as he continues to kiss her neck. "He's waiting."

"Let him wait," he decides. "I need one more kiss."

"One more," she agrees as he moves his lips to hers. "Only one."

One quickly turns into seven and before they know it, Sebastian has driven away, taking her bag (and theater key) with him. Rachel's annoyed that he's driven off with her bag, but Finn just grins, finally liking Suit Douche just a little since it means that they can go back to the party. And to the kissing.

_Definitely_ to the kissing.

* * *

"So this is home?" he asks, pulling the car into the driveway of a large picturesque Victorian.

"Yup." She turns in her seat to look at him, unbuckling her seat belt. "But I'm not ready to go in yet."

"Yeah? What did you have in mind?" He smiles, turning off the car.

Even in the dark, she can tell his eyes are twinkling and she smiles back, climbing over the console to slide into his seat with him. In her mind, this seemed like a great idea but in reality, given Finn's size there's actually zero room for her. He has to recline the seat and shift onto his side to make room for her, letting her scissor her legs with his.

"I thought we could snuggle," she suggests, her fingers playing with the hair on the back of his neck while his own rub her thigh lightly. "We'll snuggle and talk."

"You left out kissing," he replies, leaning forward to place a sweet kiss on her lips.

"No I didn't," she admonishes as he tries to kiss her again. "That's part of snuggling."

"It is, huh?" Fully intending to get back to second base and a topless Rachel, he kisses along her jawline.

"Yes," she breathes out. "Everyone knows that."

"Do they?" he murmurs against her neck, busy sucking on her skin.

"Uh huh. Snuggle kisses are the best." She pulls his face off her neck, needing to feel his lips on hers. "Let me show you."

She wraps her arms around his neck, her tongue sliding easily into his mouth once their lips reconnect. They kiss feverishly, their tongues alternating exploring each other's mouths until they're forced to separate and exchange slow kisses while their oxygen levels return to normal.

Finn's hands have already slid under her dress to cup her rear end, so she figures it's ok to slide hers under his shirt, loving the play of his stomach muscles against her fingertips. She moves her fingers up a little higher, tracing his abs as she continues to kiss.

"Mmmm," he mumbles against her lips. "I like you showing me."

"I told you," she breathes as he feels him start to leave a trail of kisses, his destination her collarbone. His hands have slipped under her bikini bottom to massage her ass and she gives a small moan at the sensation. "_Oooo_."

She lets him bite and suck to leave his mark on her collarbone before she pulls his head off her chest and pushes him back against the side of the car. Her lips find his again as her hands grip the hem of his shirt, sliding it up his chest. He separates from her long enough to pull it off, tossing it towards the back seat.

Rachel immediately cups his cheek with one hand, kissing his lips once before she kisses her way down his neck to suck on the juncture of his neck and shoulder. Her hands roam wild over his chest as she brands him and she lets one wander even lower, skimming one finger along the top of his shorts.

"You're right. Snuggle kisses really _are_ the best," he agrees, his hands yanking her dress down to her waist. He kisses her lips again as his hands move to fondle her breasts over her bathing suit. "Have I told you how awesome this bikini is?"

"You did." She smiles against his lips as she feels his hands squeeze her breasts. "But I believe you said you liked it better off."

"I think you're right." His hands creep behind her to unhook her top, holding it up before he inadvertently tosses it out the open window behind him. His hands move to tug on her breasts, working her nipples into stiff peaks. "Mmm. _Much_ better."

She giggles as he kisses his way down to her right breast and takes the nipple between his teeth, his hand continuing to work her left breast. He tugs gently before kissing his way over to her other breast. She lets him worship her breasts for a few minutes, biting and sucking as he pleases before she pulls his head away from her body to reattach their lips.

Her hand slips down to his bathing suit, easily sliding under the material to cup him. She strokes him a few times as she kisses him, loving the feeling of him in her hand. Gently, she rubs her thumb over the tip, letting her tongue slip back into his mouth as she does so. Her tongue and hand move in sync for a moment before she releases both, her hand moving to tangle in his hair.

She's breathing hard as she pulls away, her hand still running wild in his hair. Carefully, she settles her head against the part of the headrest not occupied by Finn's head, staring at him the entire time. Her hand moves back down to stroke him, increasing speed.

He places his hand over hers, bringing it up to place a kiss against the back of it. "Rachel."

"Hmmm?" she murmurs, moving even closer to press kisses along his jaw.

He pulls her mouth away from him, settling her head against the headrest again. "I thought you wanted to snuggle?" he teases, his hand grazing her back lightly.

She yawns a little, cuddling against him so that her head is resting as best it can in the confines of the car. "Mmm. You're a good snuggler. I forgot how good of a snuggler you are."

"I am pretty damn good at it," he agrees as she shifts until she finds a comfortable spot against him.

"Finn?" she asks after a moment, her fingers tracing patterns on his stomach. "He didn't mean anything, you know."

"I know." He inhales, letting the smell of her shampoo overwhelm him.

She snuggles deeper, pressing a kiss against his neck. "In that case, you can have your cookie jar back."

"You have it?" He picks his head up, surprised.

"I do."

"I thought for sure Artie or Puck had it," he mused. "I was in such a hurry to get to Kurt, I forgot it."

"Nope." She kissed his jaw again. "And now that I'm not mad at you and you're Tramp free, I'll return it with the cookies of your choice."

"Can't wait."

They're quiet after that, snuggling together with the occasional kiss or stroke interspersed. Finn closes the window when he feels Rachel shiver, letting her snuggle even deeper against him for warmth. She's soon asleep, her breath even against his chest and he holds her close, knowing that she's happy.

Which makes him _so_ happy.

* * *

Tap tap _tap! _Tap tap _tap!_

Finn stirs, the scent of Rachel's shampoo invading his nostrils immediately. She's somehow managed to not only get on his seat with him, she's completely sprawled out under him, her legs tangled with his. He (reluctantly) removes his arm from around her, rubbing his face and yawning before he turns to see what the cause of that incessant tapping is.

And promptly comes face to face with a menacing African American man banging a watering can against his window.

"Holy shit! Rachel, wake up!" he cries, scrambling to sit up. He yanks on the lever to pull the seat up, making Rachel sit up in surprise.

"Huh?" she asks sleepily as she rubs her eyes, her dress still around her waist.

"There's a serial killer outside the car ready to murder us with a watering can! We gotta get out of here!" The Watering Can Killer is still banging on the window so he starts the car, determined to save Rachel, who's somehow still in his seat. Quickly, before the watering can can break the window, he starts to back the car out of the driveway as best he can with Rachel still in his seat and wrapped around him.

"Finn, wait!" Rachel cries suddenly.

"No, Rachel. I'm not going to let you be a victim of the Water Can Killer!" Determined, he reaches the end of the driveway, frowning when he realizes there's a car coming and he can't back out immediately. He glances back, horrified to see the killer advancing towards them.

"But that's Daddy!" Rachel insists.

"Your dad's the Water Can Killer?" he cries, prepared to gun the engine as soon as he can get in the street.

"Daddy's not a killer! He's wearing a paisley printed bathrobe!" she defends, as if that exonerates him.

"So? Murderers need pajamas too!" he retorts, watching the killer getting closer.

"Finn. It's a known fact that serial killers don't wear paisley," Rachel lectures. "Don't you watch _Dexter_?"

He quirks an eyebrow at her using the same logic he himself had used on Sebastian and sneaks a glance back up the driveway. Still wielding his watering can, the killer is now standing still, his arms crossed as he stares at the car. Finn gulps, turning back to Rachel. "You're _sure_ that's your dad?"

"Positive." She places a reassuring kiss against his cheek. "I appreciate you valiantly trying to save me from being bludgeoned to death with a watering can, but can you pull the car back up?"

"Yeah, yeah I guess so." Sheepishly, he puts the car back into drive, slowly going forward until he's parked next to Rachel's scary water can wielding dad.

Rachel smiles from behind him as he presses the button to lower the window. "Hi Daddy."

"Would you care to explain why I came out to get my paper and find a strange car parked in my driveway with my daughter comatose under a man inside?" he barks, leaning down to stare at Finn through the window.

"We fell asleep," Rachel explains innocently from her position behind Finn. He stays silent next to her, having noticed that her dad is still gripping that watering can.

"Who's your naked friend, Buttercup?" he asks, still glaring at Finn.

"Finn's not naked, Daddy. He's got shorts on," Rachel corrects, her chin resting on Finn's shoulder. "Finn, this is my daddy, LeRoy."

"Uh, nice to meet you," Finn adds, holding his hand out through the window for LeRoy to shake.

LeRoy begrudgingly takes the offered hand, transferring the watering can to his other hand. "Had I known I was going to be meeting a special friend of Rachel's I would have gotten dressed. Can I assume the same of you?"

Finn turns scarlet. "Uh, well..."

"Your hair always that messy?" LeRoy interrupts, eyeing Finn's hair, which is sticking up all over the place.

Finn turns even more scarlet, not about to explain to LeRoy that his daughter's hands were the reason for his messy hair.

"Finn was nice enough to drive me home after Sebastian left without me," Rachel announces as a change of subject, deliberately leaving out _why_ Sebastian had left.

"I see." LeRoy eyes them critically. "And does he always drive without a shirt?"

"Um..." Finn trails off, again not about to tell Rachel's dad exactly why he was shirtless.

"I suppose it makes it easier to take advantage of young girls?" LeRoy demands. "I hope you had your rape whistle at the ready, Buttercup."

"I would think you'd be more concerned with your daughter getting home safely than with what the driver is or isn't wearing, Daddy," Rachel huffs, playing the Daddy's little girl card. Any advantage she'd gained using that tactic is immediately extinguished when she shifts from behind Finn and accidentally reveals her own topless state.

Finn, realizing that Rachel _doesn't_ realize her dress is still around her waist, quickly reaches out and cups her boobs until he remembers that her _dad_ is watching. He moves his hands, unsure of where exactly he can put them without getting beaten with a watering can and finally settles for just holding them in the air in front of her boobs. Rachel gives a squeak and dives behind him again, attempting to untwist her dress from around her waist and pull it up.

_"LeRoy? What's taking so long? Whose car is that?"_

"Oh no," Rachel moans, dropping her head onto Finn's shoulder. Finn turns to see a tall bespectacled man wearing khaki pants and a button down shirt striding across the lawn, his heart thumping when he realizes this must be Rachel's other father and he's about to make yet another poor impression.

"It belongs to Rachel's new shirtless friend," LeRoy calls back. "Come meet him."

To both Finn and Rachel's horror, he comes striding over, coming to a stop next to his partner.

"Rachela! Who's your new friend?" he exclaims, holding out his hand to Finn. "I'm Hiram, Rachel's father."

"This is Finn," Rachel replies, relieved that he's ignoring Finn's shirtless state. "He drove me home."

"How was the party, Princess?" Hiram questioned. "Were the themed tables a hit?"

"Rachel's just getting home now," LeRoy replied crisply.

"I've been here for hours Daddy," Rachel pointed out with an eye roll. "I _told_ you, we fell asleep."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Finn," Hiram boomed. "I apologize for my partner's casual attire. I've told him numerous times to subscribe to the theory of dressing as soon as he awakes, but as usual, he's disregarded my advice."

"I assure you, had I known that I'd be finding my daughter and her chauffeur in various stages of undress, I'd have made sure I was dressed."

"Well really," Hiram griped. "Who wears a brown paisley bathrobe to meet someone new, especially someone with our little Rachela? Finn's going to think we have no manners."

LeRoy raised an eyebrow. "Have you not noticed Finn has no shirt on? Or that our daughter's bikini top is lying on the ground at your feet?"

"I'm just saying. It wouldn't kill you to think ahead. As a matter of fact-"

"Dad? Daddy?" Rachel pleads. "Can you stop? You're embarrassing me!"

She glances at Finn, who's closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the seat, probably wishing that he was anywhere but here with her and her bickering parents.

LeRoy raises an eyebrow. "_We're_ embarrassing _you_?"

"Can you please leave me and Finn alone?" she begs. "Please?"

Hiram smiles, eying Finn. "Angel, we were just about to have breakfast on the patio. Are you two hungry? We can get to know Finn over my famous strawberry banana pancakes. I'm going to go make more. He looks like he can eat, Rachela."

"Yes, Finn. Why don't you put a shirt on and join us?" LeRoy suggests, staring him down and practically daring him to touch Rachel again. "That goes for you too, Rachel. I believe this is yours."

She blushes as she accepts the bikini top he's holding through the window. "Thank you, Daddy."

"I expect you at the table in five minutes and not a minute more, " LeRoy announces sternly, pulling a cell phone from the pocket of his robe. "I'm setting the timer now. And it goes without saying that you'll both be dressed appropriately and keeping your hands to yourself."

Feeling like she was seventeen again, Rachel watches him walk back towards the house behind Hiram before she curls back into Finn. "I'm so sorry!" she moans against his neck. "I'll understand if you never want to see me again."

He kisses her temple. "Come on, let's get you dressed so we can go have breakfast with your dads."

Surprised, she picks her head up to look at him. "You're staying?"

"Of course." He presses a kiss against her lips, his hands lowering her dress again to free her breasts. He's sorely tempted to take one in his mouth or at least cop a feel, but he can totally see LeRoy standing by the front door on the porch and he wouldn't put it past him to actually have binoculars out. Admiring the view for a moment, he places her bikini top against her chest, reaching behind her to hook it before he pulls her dress back up. "There. You're decent now, Buttercup."

She blushes, slapping his chest. "Shut up."

"Where's my shirt?" he asks, peering around the car. "Your dad will_ kill_ me if I show up at breakfast with no shirt."

"Daddy won't kill you," Rachel predicted, climbing back to the passenger's seat. "Especially since your shirt is in the back seat."

"Awesome." He snatches the shirt up, slipping it on as Rachel watches. "What?"

"Nothing." She leans over, kissing his lips sweetly. "I had a good time last night."

"Me too." He returns her kiss, mindful of LeRoy still watching from the porch. He pushes her hair off her shoulder, immediately putting it back when he sees the love bites now residing at the base of her neck. "But uh, lets not show your dad how good a time. Better keep your hair down."

"Oh?" She flips down the mirror, examining her skin for a second. "Oh! Agreed."

He can see LeRoy moving towards the porch steps and he gulps, not wanting to find out what happens if the five minutes are up. Hastily, he opens his car door and steps out, glad to stretch after the confines of the car. Rachel's still in the car, so he hurries over and opens her door, offering her a hand. "Your dad's on the move. I think time's almost up."

She giggles as she slips her hand in his and steps out, closing the door with her free hand. "Actually, we still have a minute. I suggest we use it."

He glances at the porch again, noticing that while LeRoy has finally put down the watering can, there's an ornate bird house hanging near him that looks like it could do some damage if thrown. Not wanting to find out if that's true, he gulps and looks down at Rachel, who's now holding his hand with both of hers. "Your dad's right there waiting."

"Daddy won't mind." She reaches up, pulling his face down to hers with one hand to place a soft kiss against his lips.

Her lips are _awesome_ and while he'd like nothing more than to keep kissing her, he can practically see the death rays LeRoy is sending his way. Reluctantly, he pulls away, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, just as LeRoy steps down onto the first step.

"Rachel!" he calls. "Your breakfast is going to get cold!"

"Coming!" She smiles up at him, squeezing the hand she's still holding. "Oh!"

"What?"

She dives back into the car, searching for a moment until she finds her tiara and places it back on her head. "Ready?"

He grins. "Ready."

And he totally is. He'd planned on actually taking Rachel out on a legitimate date or two before meeting her family (and he'd definitely planned on being clothed), but nothing about his relationship with Rachel had been conventional to this point, so he kinda figures this is the way it's supposed to be.

The fact that this all started with a Muppet and a volleyball?

Awesome.

* * *

_**A/N: One more chapter to go! #ElmoMonday :)**_

_**By the way, someone has graciously created a fanpage on tumblr. If you're interested in seeing pictures that I use in stories, like Rachel's 4th of July dress or her snowglobe or pictures for other stories, they'll be on that page (mida212fanpage . tumblr . com).**_


	4. The Trouble with Tubbies

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine_**

* * *

**_"Well I hate to be a bother, but it's you and there's no other." _**

******_- Carbon Leaf, "life less ordinary"_**

* * *

Their third date sort of falls on a Wednesday.

He'd taken her bowling for their first date, which could have been a huge disaster since Rachel had never bowled before. She'd been totally game for it though and he'd been more than happy to stand behind her and help her throw the ball, especially since she liked to celebrate with a kiss for each pin she knocked down (the one time she got a strike meant he got tongue, which was awesome even if those kids next to them didn't think so).

His mom would kill him if she knew he was planning to spend Tuesday night camped out in Central Park to make sure he was guaranteed tickets to see Wednesday night's performance of _Twelfth Night_, but Rachel mentioned how much she'd always wanted to go to the famed Shakespeare in the Park and well, making Rachel happy totally trumps not making his mom worry.

Yes, it'll totally suck sleeping on the concrete pathway just to get tickets (and it's not even for anything cool like the Super Bowl) but Artie's promised to come keep him company once Brittany gets home from work. He'd debated asking Kurt to join him, but he knew Kurt would totally want to see the show too and probably end up taking over the date. Being that this was going to be the all important third date, he wasn't about to let that happen.

Armed with a sleeping bag, blanket, portable video games, his iPod and a chair, he sets up camp right at the front of the line, stoked to see that there's only a few people in front of him. Rachel had mentioned how the line for tickets often winds through the park and he's even more pleased at his idea since his spot at the front of the line means there's like no way he won't get tickets.

He's just started a new game on his PSP when he sees a pair of legs come to a stop in front of him. His eyes travel up the familiar pair of legs to an even more familiar face. "Rachel?"

"Are you really going to spend all night here just to get tickets?" she demands.

"It was supposed to be a surprise." He runs a hand through his hair, annoyed. "How'd you find out?"

"Brittany." She stares at him. "You're really sleeping out here for tickets?"

"Yeah, well you said you always wanted t-" He gets no further because Rachel launches herself at him, the force of her body tipping him and his chair backwards.

"You broke my chair," he murmurs, not particularly caring about his chair since Rachel's placing kisses all over his face.

"I'll buy you another." Her lips find his and if it wasn't for the fact that they were on a sidewalk in Manhattan, he'd be rounding second right now. His legs are totally sticking up in the air as is Rachel's ass and he _knows_ that perv in front of him is checking her ass out but Rachel's just slipped her tongue into his mouth and that takes precedence over anything else. He figures since her tongue is currently running wild in _his_ mouth and not the perv's, he'll give the poor guy a break and not punch him in the face for ogling her.

With a final kiss and nip of his lip, she pulls away, her face breaking out into a smile. He stares at her, a smile breaking out on his own face. "So it's a date?"

"It's a date," she confirms, placing a quick kiss on his lips before she stands, suddenly aware of her ass in the air and her short skirt. While Santana might have been willing to put on a show for the people in line, _she_ is a lady and as such, will leave trampy displays to the bedroom. Smiling at the thought, she holds out her hands to Finn, helping to pull him out of the broken chair as best she can. "It'll be our fourth date you know."

He ends up having to let go of Rachel's hands to roll himself out of the chair but it's totally worth it since she wraps her arms around him as soon as he stands. He puts his arms around her shoulders and grins down at her. "You mean our third date."

"No." She shakes her head negatively. "It'll be our fourth."

"How do you figure?" he asks, running through their dates in his head. Bowling had been followed by a second date of dinner and mini golf, which Rachel had never done either, but apparently had always wanted to try. He'd had a blast helping her hit her pink ball through the obstacles, even agreeing to let Rachel have extra strokes just because she was cute (plus they'd totally made out in the cave, which he thinks might've sealed her victory but he'd got to cop a feel so he wasn't about to accuse her of shady playing).

She smiles. "Well I'm staying here with you on line, so this'll be our third date."

"No way," he says firmly. "It's way too dangerous. Your dads would _kill _me."

"What they don't know won't hurt them," she replies just as firmly, stepping out of his embrace and placing a defiant hand on her hip. "I'm staying. I have a rape whistle."

"I can't let you," he insists. "Even if you do have a rape whistle."

"So you'd rather I ride the train all the way back home all alone?" she asks. She takes his silence as a victory and sits on the sidewalk, patting the ground next to her invitingly. "Sit."

His chair no longer an option, he sighs and settles down next to her. "You're pretty stubborn, you know that?"

"I know." She smiles and climbs into his lap. "So I can stay?"

"Depends." He places a kiss against her temple. "Got that rape whistle at the ready?"

"I do." She pulls it out from under her shirt. "See?"

"Then you can stay."

"I'm glad you agree." She turns her head, kissing him quickly before she picks up the PSP he'd dropped when the chair had tipped over. "Now that that's decided, our third date can begin."

"Yeah? What did you have in mind other than sitting on sidewalk?" He rests his chin on her shoulder, watching as she fiddles with the PSP.

"How do you play this?" she asks, trying to find the on button.

"Watch." He places his hands over hers, guiding her through the basics of the soccer game he'd been playing before she'd arrived. She seriously sucks at it and he ends up helping her a lot, but he totally doesn't mind since she's so determined and he can't help but share her excitement the one time she scores a goal (even if he doesn't have the heart to tell her her player wasn't the one who scored).

It's not long before Rachel discovers that the PSP can watch movies and before he knows it, he's downloading some Barbra movie Rachel's seen a thousand times but swears he'll love (he doesn't). What he does love is the feeling of Rachel in his lap and the way she kind of snuggles back against him, making sure that the blanket he'd brought sufficiently covers both of them.

And he really loves the way she insists that they can both fit in his sleeping bag, waiting until he's in the bag before she presses herself against him and pulls the zipper up. He's totally squished but he wraps his arms around Rachel and pulls her even closer. She somehow manages to turn around in his arms to face him, her hand resting on his neck.

"Are we going to snuggle and talk?" he teases.

She nods, scissoring her legs with his in the sleeping bag. "And kiss."

"Ah, that's right. I did hear that was a part of snuggling." He grins, pecking her lips softly.

"An important one," she replies, giggling as she kisses him back a few times. "Good thing you're so snuggly."

_"Ay! Snugglebunny! Take your girlfriend somewhere else if you're gonna do that!"_

He glares at the guy in front of them for a second before he looks back at Rachel, who's biting her lip to keep from laughing. "Guess we should just talk."

"I think that might be wise, Snugglebunny," she responds cheekily.

He learns a lot about Rachel that night. It's midnight when he learns that she has a delicate snort when she's trying to keep her laughter from erupting and it's closer to 1AM when he discovers she's ticklish in several different spots. 2AM is when he finds out that she snores, which makes him wonder how she manages to make snoring seem adorable. But it's what he learns at exactly 3:06AM that he likes most of all, since that's the moment he realizes that he really _really_ likes the things he's learned about Rachel and wants to learn more.

A lot more.

* * *

"Wachel!"

She stirs at the voice, unable to really move due to the tight constraints of the sleeping bag and Finn's arms around her. Sleepily, she cracks open an eye to see Connor staring down at her from his stroller, Brittany and Artie behind him. She attempts to move her legs, frowning when she's unable to due to what she assumes is Finn's leg weighing her down. "Connor? What are you guys doing here?"

"Dog, Wachel."

"Huh?" She follows his pointing finger to see the real reason why she's unable to move her legs. A small white dog with a few brown spots and brown ears is sharing their sleeping bag, currently sound asleep in a tight ball.

"We brought you two breakfast," Brittany announces. "If I had known you got a dog, I'd have brought some for him too."

"Great." She sits up, waking the dog as she eagerly reaches for the coffee on Artie's lap. The dog sits up, watching with interest as she takes a sip of the coffee. "I don't know whose dog this is."

"He has no collar," Brittany points out. "And he's dirty. I bet he's homeless."

"Wachel dog," Connor announces. His verdict given, he puts his sippy cup in his mouth, watching the dog with interest.

She glances around, wondering if the dog belongs to anyone on line, but the few people online are the same ones who were here last night and she doesn't remember seeing a dog. Her heart breaks a little as the dog stares, his brown eyes focused on her.

"He seems to like you two," Artie observes, watching the little dog walk up Finn's sleeping body to lick his face once before he sits on his chest to watch Rachel unwrap the breakfast sandwich Brittany has just handed her.

She breaks off a piece of her sandwich, holding it out to the dog, smiling when he takes it instantly. "Oh, he's hungry."

Finn stirs at the weight on his chest, staring confusedly at the tail hitting his face. "Uh, did I miss something? Why am I looking at dog butt?"

She laughs, giving the dog another piece. "I think we've been adopted, Finn."

"Yeah?" He reaches up to pet the dog between the ears, laughing when the dog relaxes at his touch. "Where'd the little guy come from?"

"We found the three of you sound asleep," Artie replies. "He was on your sleeping bag."

"Wachel dog, Finn," Connor adds, holding his arms out to his mother. "Me out."

Brittany pulls him out of the stroller, placing him next to the sleeping bag. Connor immediately climbs up Finn's body to get to the dog, making Finn wince when he steps on body parts he's hoping to show Rachel soon.

"Whoa dude, careful!" he cries, shifting Connor way from his junk just as the dog jumps off his chest and into Rachel's lap.

His words go unheeded since Connor simply plops down on Finn's stomach, reaching over to pet the dog. "Dog, Wachel."

"Careful," Rachel warns, afraid of how the dog would react. She needn't have worried since the dog wagged his tail happily, letting Connor pet him how he wanted as he sat on Rachel's lap.

"Looks like you've got a dog, Rachel," Finn comments, a little breathless from Connor sitting on his stomach.

"I guess I do." She laughs, watching the dog's leg start moving when Connor hits the right spot. "What should I name him, Connor?"

"Elmo."

"Elmo?" she repeats doubtfully, secretly hoping Connor would have somehow said the name of a Broadway great. "What about Emile or maybe Tony?"

"Elmo." His verdict given, he goes back to petting the dog.

"Hold up bud. Lets see if this is an Elmo or an Elmoina," Finn cuts in, pulling Connor off his stomach and sitting up. He places Connor on his lap as he reaches for the dog, holding it up in the air to inspect underneath. "We've got an Elmo."

Connor claps his hands excitedly. "Elmo, Wachel."

She nods, less than thrilled about the name. "I see. How about we-"

"Elmo sit." He stands, holding the dog against him as he tries to put him in the stroller. Brittany helps Connor out, taking the dog and placing him in the stroller.

Finn laughs, placing a kiss against Rachel's temple and watching Connor push Elmo in the stroller. She smiles up at him, offering some of her coffee. "So you really want to name him Elmo, Finn?"

He shrugged. "It's kind of appropriate. I mean, we did meet at an Elmo party."

She smiles widely, clearly liking the name Elmo a lot better all of a sudden. "That's true, we did. I guess it's only right that his name is Elmo."

"Elmo it is." He glances at his watch. There's still a few hours to go before they start giving out the tickets but he can already see Rachel's excitement building. She's already finished half her coffee, excitedly explaining to Brittany the plot of _Twelfth Night_. He has a strong feeling the show is gonna blow but she's so excited that he finds he doesn't even care he'll be missing the game Artie's planning on watching with Puck.

He doesn't even mind that she spends the next hour worrying about Elmo not having a leash or collar and running away from them since she does it from the comfort of his lap. Wanting to placate her, he leaves the line with Artie to run to the pet store and grabs the first collar and leash he sees. Rachel's unhappy with the orange collar and blue leash since apparently orange will make Elmo look washed out and it goes without saying that the collar and leash should match, but the tickets are about to be given out so she's forced to use them.

Her annoyance at the mismatched leash and collar dissipates the second the ticket window opens and they're handed their free tickets. She squeals and jumps up into Finn's arms, placing a series of kisses against his lips as Elmo barks happily at their feet, tangling the leash around Finn.

Now that they officially have tickets, Rachel's free to concentrate of the leash dilemma, agonizing with Brittany over whether Elmo has fur that would look better in patterns or solids. Unable to come to a decision, they end up bringing Elmo to the pet store, where Rachel proceeds to buy pretty much every dog related thing she thinks Elmo might need. He finds it adorable, the way she agonizes over which collar looks best on him and how she stresses about how fluffy of a bed Elmo would like while the pet store gives him a bath and grooming. She ends up placing a now fluffy Elmo in different beds to see which he prefers and he can't help but smile when he sees how excited she gets once Elmo picks a bed.

She insists on bringing Elmo back to her apartment since she needs to shower and get ready for their date. He's about to agree and tell her he'll pick her up early so they can get dinner when she stops cuddling Elmo and looks at him, biting her lip for a second before she cuts him off. "Maybe you could come over now too. You know, watch TV or something."

"Yeah, yeah I could do that," he stammers, wondering if the _or something_ involves a heavy make out session on her couch like their second date did.

Rachel seems to be thinking along the same lines because she smiles at him and runs a finger along the waistline of his shorts.

He's not sure, but he thinks William Shakespeare totally just helped him get lucky.

* * *

Shakespeare's the _man_.

He barely has time to watch Elmo settle in his new bed with the rawhide Rachel had bought him before she's pushing him on the couch and straddling him as she slips her tongue in his mouth.

"You know this is still our third date," she murmurs between kisses, her hands running wild under his shirt, just like his are under her skirt.

"Is it?" he replies, squeezing her ass. He moves his lips down to her collarbone, trailing kisses until she pulls away to remove her shirt, which is _awesome_ since the last time he saw her boobs was that night in the car. His hands automatically fly to her bra covered boobs, massaging them as she pulls him closer for another kiss.

"It is." She presses another kiss against his lips, her hands pushing his shirt up. "But we have a problem."

"Yeah?" He pulls off his shirt, not quite sure where she's going with this conversation.

"Well normally..." she starts sucking on his neck as she speaks, biting to mark him. "...normally, I'd let you see my breasts now, but you've already seen them."

"Mmm. I have." He squeezes her breasts just as she moves her head to places kisses all over his collarbone. He's just about to reach behind her and unhook her bra when she climbs off his lap, preventing the bra removal and making him wonder why she stopped. Her kisses have kind of activated his launch system and if she wants to stop now that could be a problem for him. "What's wrong? Don't you want to make out?"

"I've been in these clothes all night." She stares at him, slowly reaching behind her.

He grins as she unhooks her bra and slides it off, holding it up for a second before she lets it drop to the floor. Fully expecting her to resume their make-out, he holds out his arms, more than ready to kiss her all over.

Instead, she shakes her head no, and takes a few steps back. "You didn't let me finish."

"Yeah?" His eyes are fixated on her breasts as she takes a few more steps towards the hallway, her hands on the zipper of her skirt.

"I've been in these clothes all night." She waits until she's in the hallway before she unzips her skirt and lets it drop to the ground, stepping out of it as she walks down the hallway and calls over her shoulder. "_All_ night."

Finally understanding, he jumps up and follows her, pausing in the doorway when he sees her already under the covers. She wiggles a little as she stares at him and he grins when her hand comes out from under the covers clutching her panties. He watches as she holds the panties over the side of the bed, dropping them as she bites her lip and continues to stare at him.

Not even bothering to remove his own clothes, he hurries into her bedroom and practically jumps on the bed next to a naked Rachel, who squeals in excitement as he climbs on top of her, kissing all over her face.

It's slow and deliberate from there. Hands roam, kisses are exchanged and almost before he knows it, he's just as naked and buried inside of her. He pauses before he starts moving, almost not believing what's happening as he stares down at her. Her eyes are closed as she waits for him and he leans down, kissing her gently as he begins to move.

Oh _God_.

It (she) feels amazing and he kinda thinks she was made for him because the girls he's been with before have never felt this good. She's matching him movement for movement and it's about all he can do to keep his eyes from rolling into the back of his head because he thinks Rachel wrapped around him is probably the best feeling in the world.

She's screaming his name (which is awesome) and he pretty sure she's close since she's digging her nails into his shoulders. He starts moving faster, swallowing her cries with his mouth until she gives a final scream and goes limp under him. Amazed by her reaction, he pushes once more and feels the orgasm course through him before it explodes out of his body. Exhausted but not wanting to crush her (since he _definitely_ wants a repeat performance), he rolls over onto his back taking Rachel with him, his forehead touching hers.

"Hi," he murmurs, his fingers grazing her bare back.

"Hi," she repeats, her hands brushing his sweaty hair off his face.

She kisses him sweetly then and kind of runs her leg along his, which he thinks means she wants to go again but before he can roll them back over, he feels a tongue in his ear. Since Rachel's tongue is currently in his mouth he knows it's not hers and he turns his head a little to see Elmo happily panting next to him. "Dude! Not a threesome!"

Rachel sits up, the blanket falling behind her as she giggles, watching Elmo lick his ear again. The little dog crouches down low on the bed, his ass in the air and tail wagging happily as he places a paw on Finn's arm, clearly wanting to play. "I think he thinks it's his turn to play with you, Finn."

"Mmm, but I want to play with you." He rubs her thighs as he stares up at her, taking in her wild hair and bare chest. Elmo barks and wags insistently, obviously in agreement with Rachel. He pushes his nose against Finn's arm in an attempt to get him to move before he barks again. "Mo! Stop being a cockblocker!"

She giggles, resting her hands on his pecs. "Well you did stop him in the park."

"That poodle looked bitchy! I saved him from getting shot down!" he defends, ignoring the insistent nose poking his arm. "That's not cockblocking!"

"He thinks it is." She leans closer, intending to kiss him, but Elmo beats her to it, nosing the side of Finn's face.

He stares up at Rachel while he grabs the rawhide Elmo has thoughtfully dropped on the bed next to them. Carefully, he takes aim and tosses it, launching the rawhide down the hallway. The second Elmo leaps off the bed, he pulls Rachel into his arms and rolls over, kissing her hungrily.

His hand has just cupped her when he feels hot breath in his ear. Sighing, he removes his hand from between Rachel's legs and rolls off her, just in time for Elmo to settle down in the bed next to him, his head resting on Finn's stomach and his rawhide at the ready.

Rachel giggles again, curling into his side and placing a kiss on his shoulder. "I think he's trying to tell us it's shower time."

"Yeah?" he asks as he strokes Elmo's head, hoping she's offering an invite.

"Yeah," she confirms, walking her fingers up his stomach. "He's had a shower, so it's only fair we smell nice for him."

"I see." He grins, liking where this is going. "We should probably get on that."

She bites her lip nervously. "Maybe we could do it together. I mean, we both have to anyway."

"Mmm. I like that plan." He leans over, kissing her softly.

The nervousness leaves her eyes and she kisses him again. "Good. I have a lot of hard to clean spots you know."

"Yeah? You'll have to show me," he mumbles against her lips.

"Why don't you get started in there while I feed Elmo?" She sits up, running her fingers along his stomach.

"Don't take too long." He watches her climb out of bed, admiring her naked form as she slips on a tank top and a tiny pair of shorts (both of which he's looking forward to her taking off) before he slips out of bed and pinches her ass as he walks past to the bathroom.

He turns on the water and steps in, figuring he'll wash up and make himself nice for Rachel before things get dirty. He washes once, twice and even a third time but Rachel still hasn't come into the bathroom yet. Deciding that Rachel's shampoo wasn't _too_ girly, he washes his hair, hoping Rachel would hurry up and join him.

He waits until the water gets cold before he gives up and climbs out of the shower, wrapping one of Rachel's fluffy pink towels around his waist. It's totally too small but he doesn't really expect to be wearing it that long, so he figures it's ok.

"Rach?" he calls out as he steps out of the bathroom, holding the towel to his waist. He hears movement coming from her living room/kitchen area so he heads that way, already thinking of the possibility of kitchen sex. "What happened? I was waiting for you in the shower, all ready to help you clean those hard to reach spots. Shotgun getting to clean your boo..."

He pauses in horror at the end of the hallway when he sees Rachel by her little kitchen table, Elmo crunching away happily at her feet. Any possibility of kitchen sex is eliminated since LeRoy is currently sitting at the table, a mug of coffee in his hand, while Hiram is at the sink.

Rachel and LeRoy both turn at his voice and he's pretty sure that the look of horror on Rachel's face matches his own. He tries to backtrack to the bathroom but only succeeds in backing into the wall. Beyond horrified that this was happening _again_, he closes his eyes, willing LeRoy to be gone when he opens them again.

No such luck.

"Hi, uh, Mr. Berry, Mr. Berry," he stammers, too mortified to look at Rachel. "I was just uh..."

"Finn." LeRoy arches an eyebrow at him as he places his coffee on the table. "Do you _ever_ plan on wearing a shirt around my daughter?"

"I...uh..." He clutches the pink towel harder.

"Perhaps I should just settle for you wearing pants," he continues, taking a sip of coffee.

"Daddy, really," Rachel jumps in, coming to his rescue. "Finn was all dirty from sleeping on the sidewalk for tickets. He needed to shower."

"Does he not have a shower at his place, Buttercup?" LeRoy questions. "Or a scrub brush to reach those hard to reach places?"

"Finn was kind enough to escort me and Elmo back, the least I could do let him shower," Rachel reasons, biting her lip as she stares at Finn, her eyes silently apologizing.

"Mm. He did call shotgun," LeRoy comments dryly as Rachel turns scarlet.

"Don't you think you should have provided him with an appropriate sized towel, Angel?" Hiram asks calmly. "Poor Finn isn't leaving much to the imagination."

His cheeks burn and he takes a few steps backwards. "Right. Um...I'm just going to change. Be right back."

He hightails it back to Rachel's room, his eyes scanning the room for his jeans and boxers on the floor but coming up empty. Figuring he missed them, he scans the room again just as Rachel slips in.

"I'm so sorry!" she moans as she wraps her arms around his waist. "Daddy heard Elmo bark and came to see and then-"

"It's ok. Your dad thinks I'm a perv but no big deal," he replies, putting his arms around her shoulders. "Where did you throw my clothes?"

She bites her lip worriedly as she stares up at him. "Um, well after I fed Elmo, I thought it would be a nice surprise to wash your clothes, so I threw them in with mine-"

"_Whoa_! I have no clothes?" he cries, separating from her. "Your dad already thinks I don't own a shirt!"

"I didn't think it would matter! I figured we wouldn't be needing our clothes," Rachel soothes, stepping back into his embrace. She rubs her face against his chest. "Mmm. I'm sorry I missed shower time. My dads started playing with Elmo and they've been here ever since."

"It's ok. We can try again another time," he promises. "But uh, what am I going to do about clothes? I can't go back out there in this towel."

Rachel looks thoughtful for a second before she separates from him and grabs something off the back of the door. "Here."

He eyes the pink bathrobe she's holding out warily. "You can't be serious."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Besides the fact that it has lipstick and makeup compacts on it? It's gonna be way too small," he insists. He lowers his voice. "My junk is gonna show!"

"Just try it. I'm sure you'll look adorable." She grabs his arm, forcing it through the sleeve until he takes over, yanking it on and letting the towel around his waist drop to the floor before he ties the robe shut.

She bites her lip, trying not to laugh at the fact that the sleeves barely go past his elbows or that while it goes to her knees on her, it's hardly past his groin. "See? All covered and super adorable."

"Well as long as I'm super adorable," he mutters.

"Mmm. You are." She wraps her arms around him, kissing his chest. "Lets go back out there before Daddy thinks you're deflowering me under his nose."

He grins. "Your dad's about a half hour too late on that one."

"Thank God for for that." She leads him out of her room, her hand firmly in his. "Here we are!"

Her dads both stare in surprise, making Finn want to bolt, but Rachel's got a tight grip on his hand. LeRoy calmly takes a sip of his coffee before speaking. "You didn't tell us your special friend was a cross-dresser, Buttercup."

"Daddy, _really_," Rachel admonishes. "Finn needed something to wear since I put his clothes in the wash."

Finn nods, assuming that adding the fact that he'd been planning on sexing their daughter up and therefore had no need for clothes wouldn't go over too well with her dads.

"Rachela, why don't you go get him my bathrobe?" Hiram suggests as he picks up Elmo. "I think it'll fit him better than yours."

"Oh!" Rachel beams, turning to Finn and pulling him down for a quick kiss. "Be right back."

He watches her go, torn between feeling happy she's getting him a better fitting bathrobe and mad because she's leaving him with her dads. They'd grilled him last time but he can tell LeRoy isn't done with the questions just from the look on his face. Hiram's moving towards the couch with Elmo and he figures it's safer to sit with Hiram than LeRoy so he follows, heading towards the recliner across from Hiram.

"So..." he begins as he sits.

Hiram looks up at his words, the rawhide he'd been teasing Elmo with forgotten in his hand as he stares at Finn.

LeRoy stands and moves next to the couch, also staring at Finn. "Boy, put that away. This isn't that kind of house!"

Finn looks down, his worst fear being realized since the robe fails to offer the same coverage sitting down. Horrified at the fact that Rachel's _dads_ have just seen his private parts he jumps up, unsure of what to say.

"That's better," LeRoy says sternly. "I don't want my baby girl exposed to that. You'll scare her."

He shifts uncomfortably, wisely not saying that not only had Rachel already been exposed to it, she most definitely _wasn't_ scared of it, judging by what had gone down before. Fortunately, Rachel comes back then, giving him the opportunity to leave the room and switch robes.

Rachel's in the shower when he comes back out, which leaves him free to be sufficiently grilled by LeRoy and Hiram. He's feeling _slightly_ more manly in Hiram's robe (although he could do without the massive tiger on the back and no matter what Hiram says, he's _not _calling it a kimono) and he settles back on the couch, pleased that the kimono is his size and therefore covers his junk.

He passes the time until Rachel comes back by answering the endless questions Hiram and LeRoy throw at him, glancing longingly at the hallway. He can hear her moving in the bathroom and lets his mind wander, wondering about her hard to reach spots even as Hiram is telling him about Rachel's first grade performance of the four food groups. While he doesn't doubt that Rachel was an impressive carton of milk, the fact that he just caught a glimpse of her emerging from the bathroom in nothing but a towel has him slightly distracted.

"...don't you think so, Finn?"

"Huh?" He forces his eyes away from the hallway to stare at Hiram, who's clearly expecting an answer to whatever he'd just asked.

"I think Finn was distracted," LeRoy comments dryly, clearly having followed Finn's line of vision.

He flushes but fortunately a fully dressed Rachel comes back in at that moment before LeRoy has a chance to say anything else. Her hair's still in a towel but she's got on this amazing short pink lace dress, the kind that always tricks him since it looks like she's naked under the pink lace (something he certainly wouldn't mind but he doubted her dads would) even though she's not. She walks over to Finn, turning her back to him. "Zip me up?"

He gulps, sneaking a glance at her dads before he stares at her bare back, immediately noticing that there's no bra in his view. He fumbles with the zipper, careful not to let his fingers linger too long lest her fathers whip out their shotguns. "There. You're all set."

"Thank you, Finn." She turns around, placing a kiss against his lips before she heads back to her room to finish getting ready.

His mind still on the fact that she had no bra on under that dress (and wondering if she'd skipped the panties too), he smiles goofily as he watches her leave.

LeRoy and Hiram snap him back to attention with their endless barrage of questions. He answers them readily, only getting distracted once when Rachel comes back out for a moment to switch the laundry. Hiram's just telling him about the time he and LeRoy went on a cruise and met some famous person he'd never heard of when Rachel finally emerges, her hair done and her makeup perfect.

"Miss me?" she asks, settling on Finn's lap with a kiss.

"Absolutely." He wraps his hands around her waist, wary of her fathers watching. "You look gorgeous."

"I know." She giggles against his lips. "But feel free to tell me again."

"You look gorgeous." His hands slips to her ass, rubbing softly until a throat clearing from one of her fathers makes him recede to the safety of her waist.

"I think I heard the dryer go off, Buttercup," LeRoy interjects. "It's time Finn got dressed, don't you think?"

"Oh did it?" She jumps off his lap to check, returning a few minutes later with her arms full of his clothing.

He grabs the clothes, scurrying off to get dressed. Rachel's giving her dads instructions about taking care of Elmo while they're gone when he comes back out and he hesitates, unsure of what to do. Just like the night of Artie's birthday party, Rachel seems to sense his dilemma, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head against his chest as she talks.

"We're going to go to Finn's apartment so he can change and then out to dinner before the show Daddy, but we'll be back later, ok?" she promises. After many assurances from her fathers that Elmo will be happy staying upstairs with them, he finally manages to get Rachel out the door after several more hugs issued to Elmo and a reminder that they're going to miss the show.

They end up missing dinner since Rachel attacked him the second they walked into the house he shares with Kurt, demanding a naked tour of his bedroom (he seriously wished he'd listened to Kurt and cleaned all the crap off the floor but since he'd carried Rachel into his room he doesn't think she'd minded).

Kurt comes home early from work and puts an end to their post sex cuddling once he follows the trail of clothing from the front door to Finn's bedroom. Finn's not _too_ upset, since he walked in after they were done (and his junk was covered by Rachel's naked body) but Rachel's embarrassed and he spends the time before the show convincing Rachel that Kurt did _not_ see her boobs (even though he totally did) and didn't think she looked fat naked.

As he'd suspected, _Twelfth Night_ seriously sucked but Rachel absolutely loves it, and he figures the fact that she's so happy overrides the suckiness of the play. She can't stop talking about the play the entire ride home, going over everything in excruciating detail. He lets her talk, knowing that the fact that she's so excited and happy can only lead to more sex.

Rachel confirms that fact the second the door shuts behind them, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the bedroom. Her dress is off before they even reach the bedroom, letting him see that sadly, she does in fact have underwear on. He loses his shirt as they go down the hallway and the last thing he sees before Rachel shuts the bedroom door and attacks his shorts is Elmo running towards his dog bed with his shirt in his mouth. The fact that his shirt is probably being ripped to shreds is forgotten immediately when Rachel starts pushing his shorts down and he grins, more than ready to help her get them off and get the night started.

They burn through an entire box of condoms in one night.

He thinks that must be some sort of record (it certainly is for him) but after the first time was so incredible, he kinda just wanted to be in her all the time. He's memorized the positions they tried (his personal favorite? Any that let him see her boobs) to prove to Puck that he's not lame in bed and he loves the fact that Rachel seems to be up for anything.

He's kind of amazed that even after all that sex, they still manage to squeeze in the shower sex they'd missed out on before they collapse from exhaustion. She falls asleep cuddled up to him and he finds out she's a total bed hog pretty quickly, somehow managing to force him to the edge of the bed during the night.

He's never slept better.

* * *

Their first fight happens on Emmy Night.

They've been been dating for a few weeks, still in that _sex-anytime-anyplace-can't-get-enough-of-you_ phase when her invitation to Brittany's annual Black-Tie Emmy party arrives. Having never been to an Emmy party (and definitely not one thrown by Brittany), she immediately begins peppering Finn and Brittany for details about the event, thrilled to find out that the party was as authentic as possible, right down to the one thing that most excited Rachel.

The Red Carpet.

According to Finn, Brittany turns her driveway into a Red Carpet each year, complete with a backdrop and fake paparazzi cutouts, along with a real photographer. While he's skipped the Red Carpet in years past, she's determined that this year will be different. This year, he's not only going to walk the Red Carpet by her side, he's going to be posing for pictures with her (even if he doesn't know it yet). The fact that this will also be their first official photo as a couple isn't lost on Rachel, and she scours the city looking for the absolute perfect dress, since she _knows_ that this is going to be an incredibly important memento in their relationship.

She's been practicing her solo Red Carpet poses for years but the couples poses are a whole different ball game. She spends the week before the party narrowing it down, practicing in the mirror to see which poses look the best against Finn, who doesn't seem to understand the magnitude of this photo since he repeatedly points out that they've taken pictures together (that photo of them he took bowling does _not_ count-part of his head is cut off and the picture he took of her sleeping _definitely_ doesn't, no matter how cute he says she looks).

It's all planned down to the last detail which is why she's able to sit and relax with her dads and Elmo before the party while she waits for Finn to pick up his tux, get ready and then come for her. Her hair is loose and flowing, her makeup is flawless and her white sequined strapless dress with the thigh high slit is sure to drive Finn wild (as will the sexy lingerie she bought to wear underneath the dress but she figures she'll let him discover that later). The slit showcases her glittery stilettos perfectly (they cost more than her hair, makeup, nails and dress _combined_, which is why she's planning on keeping them on even after the lingerie comes off) and she's just showing them off to her father when she hears a car door slam and knows it's Finn.

"Can you let him in, Daddy? I just want to check my hair one more time," she calls over her shoulder, already hurrying towards the bathroom. She immediately begins fussing with her hair, smiling when she hears laughter coming from the living room. Pleased that the men in her life are getting along so well, she gives herself a final once over in the mirrors, adding a quick squirt of hair spray for emphasis before she heads back out there.

"Here I am!" she calls out happily as she walks back into the living room. "I...What. Is. _That_."

Her question is formed more as a statement of horror once her eyes fall on Finn. Rather than the classic black tuxedo she'd expected Finn to be wearing, he's clad head to toe in a bright orange tuxedo, complete with top hat, orange patent leather shoes and a cane.

Finn happily tips his hat at her, grinning. "Check it out. I'm Lloyd."

"_Who_?" she demands, horrified that he's wearing a tuxedo the color of a carrot. "Did they not have normal tuxedos?"

"Lloyd. From _Dumb and Dumber_," he explains excitedly. "Isn't it awesome?"

"Excuse me?" She crosses her arms as stares at him, several adjectives other than awesome coming to mind to describe his tux. "I thought you were going to get a black tux! You're supposed to look like a penguin not a carrot!"

"At least he's wearing a shirt, Buttercup," LeRoy offers.

"What. Happened." Her eyes are fixed on him, ignoring her father's comment.

"I was going to get a normal tux, but then Puck saw this," he explains happily, adjusting his top hat jauntily.

"So then why didn't _he_ wear it?" she cries, mentally thinking of ways she can kill Noah without ruining her chances of getting a starring role on Broadway.

"He's got the blue tux. He's Harry." He taps the cane against his leg. "He wanted the orange tux but luckily the blue tux was too small for me."

"I think he looks handsome, Angel," Hiram volunteers, correctly sensing that Rachel is not as thrilled as Finn is about the tux. "The top hat really completes it."

"Don't forget the cane, Mr. Berry," he adds, holding the orange cane up as he looks at Rachel. "You see the cane, babe?"

Rachel glares at him. "I saw."

"We better get going," he replies. "If you want to walk the carpet."

"Wait!" Hiram cries. "We need a picture. Get together with Finn, Rachela."

"We really need to go," she answers quickly, wanting no photo evidence of that orange tuxedo.

"We have time, babe," Finn decides. "Didn't you say last night that the big celebrities don't arrive until halfway through the red carpet show? That if you're the first on the carpet you're no one?"

She glares at him, furious at the fact that he remembered _that_ but couldn't remember not to give her a hickey last night even though she'd specifically told him not to because her dress was strapless. "I really don't think we have time."

"We totally do." He holds out his arm to show her his watch. "See?"

"Excellent. Get together," Hiram directs, gesturing with his hands.

Rachel sighs, standing near Finn but refusing to do one of the poses she'd prepared.

"Doesn't Rachel look gorgeous?" Hiram trills as he plays with the camera.

"She really does," Finn agrees. Still unaware of her level of anger, slips his arms around her, leaning down low to murmur against her ear. "That slit is making me _crazy_."

She doesn't say anything, pasting a smile on her face as her father gets ready to take the picture. She's still silent twelve pictures later when her father finally announces he has enough pictures, allowing Finn to lead her to the car.

"Rach, you look _hot_," he announces once he's settled into the driver's seat. He leans over, pressing a kiss to her lips. "So hot that if your dads weren't there, that dress would be on the floor and we'd totally miss the party."

"Exactly," she mutters.

"Yeah, I was kind of disappointed they were there too," he agrees. "You look insanely hot."

"Exactly!" she repeats, much louder this time. "I look so pretty and you look...orange!"

"I know, it's awesome isn't it?" he replies, backing down the driveway. He glances at her as he pulls out onto the street, lacing his fingers with hers on the console. "Artie's going to be so jealous."

She doesn't answer, pouting silently as he drives. Her curiosity finally gets the better of her though and she finds herself talking to him. "So _why_ exactly is your tux orange?"

"Didn't you ever see _Dumb and Dumber?_" His mouth drops open when she shakes her head no. "It's like the best movie _ever._ Jim Carey's in it."

"So?"

"So it's hysterical. See there's these two idiots, Lloyd and Harry..." He launched into a brief summary as she listens, still not seeing the appeal of the orange tuxedo. "We're so watching it tomorrow night."

"Great." She's still skeptical of the movie, but she supposes she owes him since he's now seen all of Barbra's movies.

"Did I tell you that Brittany gives out her own awards?" he finally asks, bringing their hands up to place a kiss against hers.

She turns an interested eye on him. "Explain."

"She has all sorts of categories to vote on. It's what happens before the real red carpet starts on TV," he replies, pausing at a light. "Last year I won for Outstanding Facial Hair in the 5'7 and Over Category."

In spite of the fact that she's mad at him, she laughs. "You had a beard?"

"Not really, I just hadn't shaved in a few days." He grins as he turns the wheel to make a left. "Apparently, I looked sexy."

"I could see that." She smiles, picturing him with some scruff. "So what other categories are there?"

"I don't know. She changes the categories every year." He grins at her. "If you win, make sure your speech is short. She'll cut you off with music. Ask Kurt."

"He got cut off?" She frowns, already deciding that if she wins, she'll talk over the music. "What did he win?"

"Outstanding Costume Design in a Non Underwear Role." He chuckles at the memory. "He was wearing a Braveheart type skirt instead of tuxedo pants."

"Really? How'd she know it fell into the non underwear category?" She turns to look at him, momentarily forgetting her anger.

"She checked."

"She did not!" Rachel gasped, her hand on her chest.

"She did. Kurt was furious, until he won." He laughed slowing the car to a stop at a stop sign. "He beat out Puck since he was going commando in a regular tux."

Her nose wrinkles at the thought. "Ew. He went commando in a rental? I hope you're not. Although I can't imagine too many men _wanting_ that tuxedo."

"Are you kidding? The tux guy said there's practically a waiting list for this tux. I was lucky I was there when the guy who had it brought it back." He turns onto Brittany's street, his thumb rubbing her skin lightly. "But for the record, I am not going commando."

"Lucky us," she mutters, his stupid cane falling against her legs.

Her annoyance at his orange tux dissipates when Finn stops the car in the line that's formed down the street. She can see flashes going off in front of Brittany's house and her excitement starts to override her disgust at that tuxedo. "What's going on?"

"Brittany insists on making it as authentic as possible, so she hires her cousins to valet. That's why it's backed up." He drums on the steering wheel, clearly annoyed.

"_Really_?" she squeals. "It's just like the limo backup you see on TV!"

"I guess. I usually come later, so I park myself." He taps the gas as the line inches closer, allowing Rachel to see a little more.

"Finn! Look at the driveway! It looks amazing!" she gasps, taking in as much as she could see. From what she could tell Brittany's driveway has been transformed into an authentic red carpet, complete with fake paparazzi and a drop-off area.

He grins at her excitement, completely forgetting that he's skipped the red carpet in the past because he thought it was stupid. The car ahead of him moves forward and he follows suit. "Pretty cool, right? She goes all out."

"Look! There's Mike and Tina!" she squeals, watching as they posed on the carpet. "Oh! And Sebastian just got out of his car!"

"Yeah, I see," he replies, not bothering to look at Sebastian but instead looking at the carpet where Mike and Tina are being interviewed. "Oh crap. Jacob's doing interviews."

"There's_ interviews_?" She's practically bouncing in her chair at the thought, her eyes wide as she takes in everything.

"Don't get too excited. Jacob asks the dumbest questions," he cautions. "The one year I walked the carpet with Kurt, he kept asking Kurt if the rumors were true he staged an incident at Breadstix just so he could win Outstanding Storm Out in a Department Store or Restaurant."

She flips her hair off her shoulder. "He's got nothing on me, so I think I'm ok."

"Don't be too sure. He was there for the playhouse." He moves the car closer, turning to look at her. "Knowing Jacob, he probably bugged that playhouse to get some dirt."

"He wouldn't, would he?" she asks worriedly. "That couldn't be considered a sex tape right?"

"Considering clothes stayed on for the most part, I don't think so." He grins at her. "You ready, babe?"

"Oh! We're next!" she squeals, watching him move the car closer. She watches Brittany's cousin open the door of the car in front of them, helping the woman in the passenger's seat out. At first all she can see is silky red material emerging from the car, but her excitement is quickly tempered when she realizes the red silk is draped over the body of Santana. Her back is to Rachel, allowing her to see the open back of the dress, the material gathered just (barely) above her ass and a single strand of beading running midway across her back. She turns just then, letting Rachel see that the front of the dress is just as low cut as the back, going almost down to her navel.

Sam comes around the car just then, escorting her by the elbow as he stands next to her and Rachel stares, taking in his classic black tuexedo. They look so elegant and sexy, which makes her glance down at her own white dress. She'd felt sexy in it earlier (especially with her new lingerie) but now she just felt like she was a teenager in her first prom gown. While it's true she has the hot date she'd lacked last time, said hot date is still currently wearing that hideous orange tuxedo, which just makes her feel even stupider as she watches Santana and Sam start to walk the red carpet.

She debates making Finn drive her to the dress shop for something low cut but Brittany's cousin is already opening her door, leaving her no choice but to take the hand he's offering. She _accidentally_ kicks his cane out of the car, making sure she pushes it under the car as she steps out. Finn comes around the car just then, waiting until she adjusts her dress before he places a hand on her back. She frowns slightly at the sight of the top hat on his head, wishing she could kick that under the car also.

"Ready babe?" He puts pressure on her back, ready to lead her down the carpet.

"Ready." She's just taken a step towards the carpet when Brittany's cousin taps her on the shoulder.

"This fell out of the car," he explains and she frowns when she sees he's holding out that damn orange cane.

"Oh my cane!" Finn reaches out and grabs the cane, attempting to spin it with his fingers but only succeeding in knocking his top hat off. "That would have sucked if I forgot it."

"Lucky I saw it or I would have run it over," Brittany's cousin offers, watching Finn pick his top hat up and accidentally hitting Rachel with his cane as he does so. "Awesome tux, dude."

"Yes, that would be a tragedy," Rachel replies crisply as Finn fist bumps Brittany's cousin.

"Totally would be. Kurt says accessories complete the outfit," Finn recites, adjusting his top hat back on his head. "I don't want to end up as worst dressed when Brittany and Kurt do their Fashion Police special tomorrow. Kurt would kill me."

She pauses, suddenly worried. "Seriously? They do that?"

"Yup. That's why her other cousin is videotaping. Brittany changes her Fondue for Two show to a fashion special each awards show." He points to a young boy with a video camera aimed at Santana's chest. "They do it every year. Last year Quinn was furious when they voted her worst dressed."

She gulps, noticing Tina spinning in a corner in front of yet another videographer. "I wish you had told me this. I wasn't prepared for the Glam Cam."

He slips an arm around her, leading her down the carpet. "Are you insane? You look incredibly hot from every angle."

She bits her lip to keep from saying that his orange tuxedo is seriously decreasing her hotness factor, instead letting him guide her down the carpet. They're about halfway down when she hears someone calling her name.

"Rachel! Over here!"

Jacob Ben Israel, dressed in an all white tuxedo complete with tails, is gesturing her over with his microphone. Eager to practice her interview skills, she drags a protesting Finn over to Jacob, who promptly launches into his interview.

"So Rachel, who are you wearing?" He holds the microphone to her, ignoring Finn.

"My dress is an Ariana and my shoes are Louboutin," she announces proudly, sticking one leg out so Jacob (and more importantly, Finn) can admire the glittery stiletto at the end of her long leg. "Oh and my jewelry is from Daddy."

"Eyes up, dude," Finn warns, noticing that Jacob is still staring at the leg sticking out of the slit of her dress.

"Right." He pushes his glasses up his nose. "And how do you respond to the rumors that you've agreed to play the role of beard for Finn until his real date, Noah Puckerman arrives?"

Her smile dims a little but fortunately she's practiced for difficult interviews. "Seeing as how Finn and I have recently begun a romantic relationship, I believe you've been misinformed."

"Then how do you explain the fact that they were seen shopping together and Puckerman was overheard telling Finn his genitals looked huge in a powder blue tuxedo?" Jacob presses, holding the microphone in her face. "Internet speculation is that they're making their debut as a couple tonight."

"Dude! Were you spying?" Finn cries as Rachel momentarily falters. He glances down at Rachel. "Puck was making fun of me since the blue tux was too small."

"How much is he paying you?" Jacob questions, the microphone still aimed at Rachel.. "Quinn supposedly demands a high fee to be seen with Puckerman, can the same be said for you?"

"No one is paying me to be with Finn, Jacob," Rachel replies smoothly, watching Jacob play with his phone for a second. "I'm proud to be with him. Can we get back to my clothes?"

"Are we done, dude?" Finn demands.

"Just a second." He looks up from his phone, holding the microphone out to Finn. "I'm live tweeting the Red Carpet and my timeline is blowing up with questions. Ssylvester1 wants to know if you're aware you look like an Oompa Loompa's penis with a top hat on."

"I'm Lloyd!" he defends, frowning as Rachel snorts.

"Can you at least confirm for my followers if the allegations that this orange tuxedo is a deliberate attempt to sabotage Rachel's hotness are founded?"

Annoyed, Finn grabs the microphone from Jacob, deliberately breaking it. Evidently used to this, Jacob simply pulls another from inside his tuxedo jacket and aims it at Rachel.

"Can you confirm the existence of topless playhouse pictures and whether those were used to seal your win in the Outstanding Sex Scene in the B Cup or Smaller category?"

Rachel gasps. "That's not a category! Is that a category!?"

"Interview over, dude," Finn announces, placing his hand protectively around Rachel. "Go annoy Kurt. I heard he sabotaged Artie's haircut so he could win Outstanding Hair in the Non-Dyed Category."

"Excuse me." Jacob's eyes light up at this and he scurries over to an unsuspecting Kurt.

Finn watches him go, waiting until he's out of earshot to speak to Rachel. "I told you he was an ass with his questions."

"Do you think he really has topless pictures of me?" she whispers nervously.

"No baby," he assures her. "I wouldn't mind some though. Maybe...ow!"

He turns to see what had just hit him across the back of the legs, grinning when he sees Puck dressed in a matching powder blue tuxedo, an unhappy Quinn next to him. "Dude! You look awesome!"

"Duh." He uses the cane he'd just hit Finn with to swat Rachel's ass. "S'up Berry?"

"Noah." Her tone is crisp. "I understand I have you to thank for Finn's tuxedo?"

"You're welcome." He holds his cane up in the air, aiming at Finn. "Shall we?"

Finn grins, understanding immediately and holding his own cane up. "Ready?"

Rachel rolls her eyes at their stupidity, watching them use their canes like swords as they battle their way down the carpet to the photographer. She turns to Quinn, eyeing her blue ruched gown with the double straps on each shoulder approvingly. "Are they always this stupid?"

Quinn shrugs. "You get used to it."

"You don't care that Noah looks like he stepped off the set of _That 70's Show_?" Rachel asks as they follow the cane fighting boys.

"I'm just glad he's wearing a real tuxedo and not a tuxedo shirt. I'm more annoyed that we're both wearing blue since I'm sure Kurt and Brittany are going to slam me on their show for it," she replies, a bitter tone to her voice.

Rachel gulps, wondering what they'll say about her and Finn. "Really?"

_"Rachel! Quinn!"_

The girls turn to see an annoyed Kurt, dressed in a black plaid dinner jacket with a black velvet collar and black shirt over solid tuxedo pants, stomping towards them, waving an insistent Jacob away at the same time.

"Who is responsible for those hideous tuxedos?" he demands. "How could you two allow this?"

"I didn't know!" Rachel cried. "I had no idea until he showed up in that thing!"

"I'd expect this from you, given that it's a new relationship, but you should really know better, Quinn," Kurt admonishes. "Look at those two idiots taking a picture together. They're going to earn a segment on our fashion special."

Rachel pales, hoping she's not mentioned in that segment. Her eyes fall on Noah standing next to Finn as the photographer snaps their picture and she frowns. That should be _her_ standing next to Finn as they get photographed, not Noah. She's just wondering if she can convince Finn to borrow Kurt's jacket and have the photographer photograph them from the waist up when the spotlights along the driveway start blinking. "What's that?"

"It means we need to get to our seats," Kurt explains, pushing her forward. "Brittany's about to start the show."

"But I didn't get my picture taken on the Red Carpet!" Rachel cries.

"Oh." He beckons the photographer over, instructing him to take Rachel's picture quickly.

Rachel immediately gets into her Red Carpet pose, placing her hands on her hips as she turns slightly. The photographer snaps picture after picture as she switches amongst her prepared poses and even takes a picture with Kurt before he begins to photograph Quinn. Not wanting to miss any part of the Red Carpet, Rachel rushes over to he 360 degree Glam Cam, slowing spinning so the camera could capture her dress from all angles.

"Ok, I got enough," the photographer announces. "I need to get inside for the awards."

"Wait! Finn's not here!" She frowns as the spotlights flash again, noticing that Finn is _still_ cane fighting with Noah over by the steps. "We didn't get our couple's picture!"

"No time," Kurt insists as he pushes her forward. "Trust me. You do _not_ want to be late. Brittany will make you wait till a commercial break to sit and you might miss your category."

Her frown grows as she finally catches up to Finn, who gives Puck one last whack with his cane before he grins at Rachel. "Hey baby."

She doesn't answer, allowing him to lead her inside the house. The red carpet extends into the house and she focuses on reading the names of the movie stars on the big gold stars residing on the red carpet. She eyes the massive gold Emmy statue in the hallway, wondering if she can make it her date instead. Stuck with Finn and his orange tux, she glowers up at him, who _still_ doesn't seem to notice anything amiss, concentrating instead on poking Puck's top hat off his head with his cane, one arm around Rachel as they walk behind Puck and Quinn.

Brittany's living room has been completely transformed and she gasps, taking in the decorations. Gone is all the furniture save for the TV, replaced by rows of rented theater style seats. A small stage has been set up with a microphone next to the TV and she eyes the table of replica Emmy awards on a table off to the side, wondering if any have her name on them (and if so, it had better _not_ be the award for Outstanding Sex Scene in the B Cup and Smaller category or that orange tuxedo will be ripped to shreds as she kills Finn). Black and silver decorations hang from the ceilings and windows while black, gold and silver star shaped helium balloons surround the stage.

Finn leads them to their seats and she's pleased to see her official headshot taped to the seat, just like the real Emmy's. She giggles as she glances at Finn's seat. Lack of an official headshot for Finn clearly hadn't stopped Brittany since she'd taken an incredibly unflattering extreme close-up of his face at some point. His eyes are half closed and he's clearly not expecting the camera since his mouth looks like he's about to say something and it only makes her giggle harder.

He sees her staring at his picture and rips it off his seat, his face flushed. "I hate that picture," he mutters as he sits. "She uses that picture every year."

"Where's it from?" she asks as she takes her own seat, noticing that both Quinn and Noah have pictures similar to Finn's while Santana's is perfect.

"She ambushed me when I came out of the bathroom like five years ago," he replies, placing his arm across her chair. "It's her favorite picture apparently."

She giggles again as the lights dim and a recording of orchestrated music begins to play. A voice over follows, welcoming them to the Tenth Annual Tubbie Awards.

"Tubbie Awards?" she questions, noticing that even in the dim room that stupid orange tuxedo is still bright and visible.

"The Tubbies are named after Lord Tubbington," he murmurs into her ear. "He's a founding member of the Academy."

"Oh." She stares, watching as Brittany, dressed in a strapless turquoise evening gown with a beaded belt and asymmetrical ruffled bottom takes the stage, an envelope in her hand. "Who votes for these awards?"

"Brittany and Lord Tubbington," he whispers as Brittany cues the music to stop and begins her opening monologue.

Rachel listens, her excitement for the awards growing more with each word out of Brittany's mouth and she can't help but giggle when a tuxedo clad Connor comes out on stage for his introduction as Mr. Tubbie.

"...And now, without further ado, let's get to the first award, Outstanding Secret Make-Over, Party Category. The nominees are Noah Puckerman _Artie_, Noah Puckerman, _Mike_, Noah Puckerman, _Kurt_ and Noah Puckerman, _Finn_." Brittany pauses for effect before ripping open the envelope. "And the Tubbie goes to Noah Puckerman, _Artie_!"

Puck jumps up, eagerly accepting the award Connor is holding out as he begins his speech. "I'd like to thank the Academy. While my work on the other three was amazing, I'm particularly proud of my work on Artie. Thanks dude for passing out and letting me give you the full Puckerman facial, including the rare eyebrow shave."

Rachel turns aghast to look at Finn. "He shaved his eyebrows?"

Finn grins as the music starts playing and Puck walks back to his seat. "Only one."

"That's even worse!" Rachel hisses, making a mental note never to fall asleep near Noah.

"That's what makes it funny," Finn replies, watching Quinn walk on stage to present the next award, Outstanding Use of Hair Gel-Male.

"What did he do to you?" She eyes him curiously, half listening to Quinn read off the list of nominees.

"Uh, he gave me a makeover." He keeps his answer vague, suddenly very interested in who's going to win the category.

_"...and the Tubbie goes to Blaine Anderson!"_

"Who is_ that_?" Kurt demands from behind them, leaning forward to place his head between them. His eyes follow the short man striding nervously up to the stage, taking in his perfectly tailored suit and expertly gelled hair.

"Oh that's Blaine," Rachel answers, clapping as Connor hands Blaine his award. "He's the understudy for Nicely-Nicely Johnson. I can introduce you if you want."

"Yes, please," Kurt breathes, his eyes riveted to the stage.

"What happened to Mr. Upstate?" Finn questions.

Kurt waves a hand dismissively. "That's _so_ six weeks ago. Like I'd go back to that crime infested area. I've moved on."

"You just let me know when, Kurt," Rachel promises as Blaine returns to his seat.

"As soon as possible." He turns an eye towards Finn, ignoring Santana presenting the next category. "Just try not to introduce me when you're near that orange atrocity. I don't want people knowing I'm related to that."

"Hey! I look awesome!" Finn defends. "Artie's totally jealous. He's stuck in a boring penguin suit."

"You look like a jackass," Kurt corrects. "You're lucky Rachel didn't dump you the second she saw it."

"Rachel loves the tux." He looks at Rachel. "Don't you, babe?"

She bites her lip, her eyes watching Mike accept the Tubbie for Outstanding Abs-Asian and debating how to answer.

"Don't be ridiculous, Finn. Of course she doesn't like it," Kurt speaks for her. "You're Oompa Loompa orange."

"Dude, I'm _Lloyd._"

"It's a good thing you didn't take a picture on the Red Carpet with Rachel," Kurt chides, hoping Mike will show his winning abs as part of his speech. "With her white dress, you two would look like a creamsicle."

"Creamsicles are _awesome_," Finn decides as Brittany announces the first commercial break, signaling the lights to go up. "So that would be an awesome picture."

"Finn!" Brittany calls out as she rushes over and shoves an envelope in his hand. "I'm going to need you to present the Tubbie for Outstanding Directing."

"Outstanding Directing?" Rachel questions.

Brittany nods seriously. "Lord Tubbington's the frontrunner. His directing of the 9th Annual Tubbies was so phenomenal, we actually finished on time last year. Artie's in serious contention too, for his directing of Connor's play group show. Lord Tubbington's also getting the Lifetime Achievement award, so I'll need you to present the video montage for it."

"Yeah, great." He watches her scurry back to the stage, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as Rachel giggles beside him. "I don't know why Outstanding Director is even a category. Artie loses to Lord Tubbington every year. I think it's rigged."

She giggles again, turning her attention back to the stage as Brittany cues the music to stop.

"Our next award is Outstanding Couple, dating or married," Brittany announces. Rachel sits up straighter, her mind immediately conjuring up images of her and Finn winning and planning out their victory speech. She'd have to thank Sue for forcing Finn to play volleyball and Connor for having a summer birthday. For that matter, she supposes she needs to thank Sebastian for driving off that night, forcing Finn to take her home. She's so busy crafting her list of people to thank that she completely misses the nominee list, only tuning back in once Brittany lifts the envelope flap.

"...And the Tubbie goes to..." Rachel leans forward slightly, already anticipating standing. "...Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman!"

She jumps up, squealing with excitement as she pulls Finn down for a kiss. She's about to take his hand and pull him up to the stage when she suddenly realizes that _Noah_ has beaten her to it, chest bumping with Finn before they rush up to the stage.

Her mouth drops open in shock. Finn and _Noah_ won Outstanding Couple? Finn and _Noah_?

Mortified, she sits, watching her boyfriend accept the award without her. She barely listens to his speech, too busy keeping her humiliation in check. Finn comes back after a minute, a goofy grin on his face as he clutches his award.

"Check it out!" He holds the award out so she can see the words _Outstanding Couple_ on it, adding insult to injury. "Brittany will engrave it later."

"I see." Her tone is crisp as she stares at the stage, not listening to whatever award Brittany has moved onto. "Congratulations."

"Are you ok?" he asks slowly, finally catching onto the fact that there may be a problem.

"I'm fine."

"Babe, you're not fine. What's wrong?" he insists, putting the trophy in her lap as he places a hand on her thigh.

"I'm fine," she replies slightly louder as she glances down at the trophy in her lap. "There's nothing wrong."

"Yes there is. You have that cute _I'm angry but I'm trying not to show it_ face on," he replies. "It's the same one you had when I took you out for lunch between shows last week and that guy spilt his salsa on you."

"I _said_ I'm fine. Drop it," she snaps, ignoring the people who are starting to look their way.

"Not till you tell me what's wrong," he says forcefully.

"What's wrong is that you look like a bottle of Fanta!" she explodes, attracting the attention of everyone, including Brittany, who's in the middle of reading the nominees for Oustanding Use of Fur, Animal or Human. "I look amazing and you...don't!"

"What are you talking about? I'm Lloyd!" he cries.

"It's true, Rachel. The man can rock an orange tux," Puck offers.

"You ruined everything!" She glares at Noah and jumps up, the trophy on her lap falling to the floor with a loud clang. Quickly, before the tears can fall, she runs out of the room and up the stairs, looking for a place to hide.

She already knows Finn's going to come after her, so she opens the first door she sees, which happens to be Connor's playroom. Not exactly her preferred place to hide since there's no lock on the door, she starts to close it only to hear footsteps on the stairs. Knowing whose footsteps those are, she slips into the playroom, her eyes scanning for a potential spot. She manages to crawl into Connor's Elmo play tent just as the door opens and a voice calls out.

"Rach?" She stays silent in the tent, hoping he'll go away. "Rachel?"

He doesn't go away, if the footsteps getting closer to the tent are any indication. "Rachel. I know you're in there. Part of your dress is sticking out the door."

Damn. She pulls the dress all the way into the tent. "Go away."

"Baby, what's wrong?" He gets down on his hands and knees, bending low to peek through the tunnel attached to the tent. "I see you."

She shifts over, attempting to move to a different area of the tent but given the small size this proves impossible and she lowers her head to glare at him through the tunnel. "I'm not speaking to you."

"You just did." He attempts to push himself into the tunnel, twisting onto his side to even be able to fit up to his shoulders. "Why is it whenever you're mad at me, you hide someplace I can't fit?"

"It's not my fault you're huge," she snaps. "Not to mention orange."

"Babe..." He tries to move a little further into the tunnel but frowns when he realizes he can't.

"Don't babe me, you giant Oompa Loompa." She crosses her arms, refusing to look at him.

"Is that what this is about?" he demands as he twists slightly, wondering if he's stuck.

She crawls on her elbows into the tunnel, keeping a distance between them as she points an accusatory finger at him. "_You_ were supposed to show up in a classic black tuxedo so we could take a beautiful picture. Instead, I get _that_ and no picture."

"We took pictures at your dad's house," he says slowly, not comprehending the problem.

"Not on the Red Carpet." She sighs, resting on her elbows. "You took one with Noah but not me."

"So?"

"You don't get it."

"Explain it to me." He stares at her, trying to find a more comfortable position in the stupid tunnel.

"It was going to be our first official picture as a _couple_," she explains quietly. "The picture that we could show everyone and frame. The one that you could put on your desk at work. I wanted it to be perfect."

"_That's_ why you're mad? Rachel, we're going to take so many pictures together," he promises, wisely not telling her that he's already got the picture he'd taken of them bowling on his desk.

"You won Outstanding Couple!" she pouts. "Without me! I'm humiliated!"

He laughs. "Rachel, it's a stupid Tubbie Award. It means nothing."

"The Outstanding Couple trophy would have looked _so _perfect in our picture," she replies bitterly. "Instead you're sharing it with a married man. I really am your beard!"

"You're not. Puck's not my type," he promises. He can tell she's calming, so he reaches an arm out, taking her fingers in his.

"Are you sure?" She lets him play with her fingers as she stares at him.

"Positive. Turns out I like tiny girls who can fit in places I can't," he assures her.

"I am good at that," she murmurs, crawling a little further into the tunnel.

"You're damn good," he agrees. "Do you forgive me? I promise we'll take any pictures you want."

"And no orange tux?" she stipulates. "Or powder blue? _Ever_?"

"You can come with me next time I need a tux," he promises.

"Then I forgive you."

"Good." He twists a little. "Because I think I'm stuck."

"Luckily I'm not." She crawls a little closer, placing a kiss on his forehead. He pulls her face to his before she can move, his lips finding hers. She sucks on his bottom lip for a moment before she stares at him, a coy smile on her face. "Ever have sex in an Elmo tent?"

He grins as she twists a little to kiss his jaw. "You _were_ nominated for Outstanding Sex Scene in the B-Cup or Smaller Category."

She pauses, picking her head up and scooting back a little. "I swear to God if that's a real category and Jacob really does have playhouse pictures, you will _never_ see me naked again."

"Better make it count now then, just in case." He wiggles backwards, the tunnel swaying as he tries to free himself. His jacket comes off as he crawls around to the tent flap Rachel's holding open.

She giggles as he tries to fit in the little tent, finally deciding to lay flat by putting his legs down the tunnel as Rachel straddles him. His feet are sticking out of the end of the tunnel and there's a Matchbox car under his back but he forgets about that the second Rachel begins to move. It's fast and frantic make-up sex and he doesn't even get to see her boobs, but the sound her of calling his name as she comes totally makes up for that and he knows it's a sound he'll never get tired of.

They make it back downstairs just in time for Brittany to present Rachel with the award for Outstanding Dramatic Exit in an Argument-New Relationship. He's kind of afraid she's gonna be pissed she won (especially since her hair is all static-y from hitting the top of the Elmo tent as she rode him) but to his surprise, she laughs as she accepts the award from Connor, staring at it in awe.

"I really wasn't expecting to win this, but I have a lot of people to thank," she begins, holding the trophy close to her chest. "I have to thank Noah, for finding that awful tuxedo in the first place. Finn's mom and dad for giving him the genes not to fit into that equally hideous blue tuxedo and for that matter, my own father for giving me the genes that Finn finds attractive. Jim Carey for making what I've been told is the best movie _ever, _although I'm sure it pales in comparison to any of Barbra's. Apparently, I'm watching it tomorrow night, so I'll let you know the answer to that. Brittany for coming to work on Guys and Dolls. Connor for loving Elmo so much. Oh and I need to thank Little Tykes and whoever makes play tents. And finally, I need to thank Finn for being such an amazing person to fight with and an even more amazing person to make-up with."

She blows him a kiss and he grins until he notices Artie staring at him suspiciously. He shifts uncomfortably but since Brittany and Artie once had sex on his parent's couch, he figures they're even.

Rachel bounces back over to him, pulling him down for a kiss before she settles back down next to him, watching Kurt present the award for Outstanding Sweater Vest-Everyday or Holiday. She leans against Finn as she listens to Kurt announce Artie as the winner before immediately moving onto the next category and announcing Quinn as the winner of the Outstanding Blonde hair-Dyed. She looks up at Finn. "Why aren't they getting to give speeches?"

"Brittany does some awards beforehand," he whispers back, wrapping an arm around her. "You were at work the other night when she held the Technical Tubbies. Artie actually beat out Lord Tubbington for outstanding editing."

"Oh." She snuggles against him, her hand resting in his lap and perfectly content. Not even the fact that Santana just won Outstanding Sex Scene in a Closet or Pantry can derail her mood (she doesn't want to know what that's about but she has a feeling sex in an Elmo play tent can beat it since it's much classier than a closet or pantry). They remain in that position for the rest of the Tubbies and (not that she'd _ever_ admit it) it turns out that that orange tuxedo is pretty comfortable against her skin.

Finn stays with her when the Emmy's Red Carpet Special starts, even though Noah and the rest of the guys have gone into another room to play video games. Despite what Noah says, Finn staying with her does not make him whipped but it _does_ make her feel special since she knows how much he loves his video games and boy time.

She makes it up to him later by offering him sex of his choosing, presented while wearing the sexy lingerie she'd been hiding under her dress and her heels. The lingerie comes off, the heels stay on and she's collapsing on top of Finn from exhaustion almost before she knows it. Utterly relaxed and content, she slips out of bed to let a crying Elmo into the bedroom.

Elmo jumps up on to the bed just as Finn rolls over onto his stomach, walking up his legs to use Finn's bare butt as a pillow, both of them watching a laughing Rachel grab her camera and take a picture of her boys.

"What?" she replies with a giggle as she settles onto her stomach next to them. "You told me I could take any picture I wanted."

They stay like that, the three of them and she's kind of amazed that they've formed this little family so quickly. It certainly hadn't been the party favor she'd been expecting when she accepted an invitation to an Elmo birthday party.

But it's the best one.

* * *

_**A/N: I lied. There's another chapter.**_

_**Shakespeare in the Park is amazing and part of the fun is waiting for hours in line as it weaves through the park. You do need to get there ridiculously early and bring entertainment or sleep on the sidewalk outside Central Park the night before since tickets aren't given out until 1PM the day of the show but it's a lot of fun. And Twelfth Night is my absolute favorite Shakespearian play, so despite what Finn says, it does NOT suck. **_

_**Check out the fanpage for pictures of Shakespeare in the Park and pictures of the line (mida212fanpage . tumblr . com) plus all their dresses and tuxes.**_


	5. The Elmo Of It All

**_Disclaimer: Glee is still not mine._**

* * *

_**"'Cause I knew from the start I was gonna love you with all my heart."**_

_**- Sara Evans, "Love You With All My Heart"**_

* * *

Brittany's annual 4th of July Christmas party falls on a Tuesday.

He knows it's a Tuesday because it'll be their second 4th of July party, their first as an official couple. They've long since decided that last year's party totally (unofficially) counts though because even though they weren't together together, it was the start of them getting together and as Rachel likes to point out, it was technically the day they kissed and slept together in the same bed for the first time.

It's also the day he's planning to propose.

He'd thought long and hard about how to do it (even consulting with Burt under the strictest veil of secrecy) and had finally come to the conclusion that there was no better time than 4th of July or more specifically, the Yankee Swap. She'd admitted after they'd been dating for a few months that she'd rigged the Yankee Swap to get him and he kind of figures that just makes it more perfect since he's totally gonna rig this swap to get her.

His vague plan at first had been simply to make sure he got her name but Kurt had overheard him talking to Burt about ring shopping, demanded to know every detail of his planned proposal and immediately changed the plan after he'd pointed out both the flaws of the plan and the fact that Rachel would want the wow factor.

Which is why he's sitting on their bed, a present wrapped in Santa paper between him and Elmo as he watches TV while waiting for Rachel to finish getting ready. Idly, he flips through the channels, one hand petting Elmo as he waits. "Babe? You almost ready?"

"Almost!" she calls from the bathroom.

"Hurry! We're gonna be late!" he frets, running a hand through his hair.

Rachel appears in the doorway, clad in her bikini and her hair in curlers. "What's your hurry?"

"I...I just want to get there before all the hot dogs are gone," he blurts out lamely.

She gives him a glance of amusement as she starts to pull the curlers out of her hair. "I don't think Brittany will run out of hot dogs but if you're hungry my fathers are out by the barbeque."

"Um...I really want one the way Brittany makes it," he covers just as lamely. "Like all burnt."

"I think Daddy can handle that." She smiles, assuming a model's pose to show off her bikini. "What do you think?"

"It's nice." He barely notices the white ruffled top covering her boobs, let alone the tiny stringy bottom since he's glancing at the clock again. "Seriously, you almost ready?"

"That's it? Just nice?" she pouts, one hand on her hip.

"You know I think you look amazing. Are you almost ready?" His eyes dart to the clock again, one hand still gripping the present next to him. Brittany _promised_ she wouldn't start without them but he wouldn't put it past her to forget.

"Daddy said I look like a bride," she announces, gesturing to her white bikini. "And brides aren't described as _nice_."

"Seriously? He said that?" He's momentarily panicked, thinking that her dads blew it which would _suck_. They'd been filled in while Rachel was working the Saturday matinee and while they'd promised not to say anything, he wouldn't put it past Hiram to let excitement get the better of him. LeRoy had stayed quiet when he'd told them his plans, something he'd learned in the few months since he'd moved into Rachel's basement apartment meant he approved.

She shrugs. "I guess because my bikini is white."

"Oh...right," he stammers, relieved. "Are you ready?"

"What's your rush?" she asks, climbing onto their bed. She kneels between his legs, crawling closer for a kiss. "I thought we could have a party of our own first."

He kisses her back and while he's normally all for impromptu sex, he's kinda on a mission so Rachel kissing his neck just won't do and he pulls his neck away from her. "No baby, no. You need to get ready."

"Yes baby, yes," she mimics; sitting up and running her hands under his shirt. "And what I _need_ is you right now."

"No, Rachel," he insists but it's already too late since she's taking off her bikini top. He stares as she shakes her hair off her shoulders, his resolve crumbling.

She grins at him as she leans back on her hands, knowing that she's winning. "Yes, Finn."

The ability to resist her completely gone, he pulls off his shirt and yanks her towards him hungrily, his mouth finding her chest immediately.

"I thought you were in a rush?" she breathes, her hands in his hair.

"Nope, not me," he murmurs against her chest, completely forgetting about why he'd been in a rush.

"I'm pretty sure it was you." She giggles as he lies over her, his arms wrapping around her head and his face buried in her neck. Her legs automatically wrap around his waist while her fingers graze his back.

"You're mistaken." He presses a kiss to her neck.

"Am I?" She giggles again as he sits up.

"Yup." His hands slide down her body, stopping at the edge of her bikini bottom but before he can do anything, a knocking sound reverberates throughout their apartment followed by Elmo's barking and he sighs, flopping back onto the bed. "Really? I swear you dad _knows_ when I'm about to defile you."

She giggles, reaching for her bikini top and sliding it into place. "At least they knock now."

"Thank God for that." He shudders, remembering when he'd first moved in and the compromising positions Hiram had found them in a few times. Fortunately, they'd been semi-clothed for the most part, although there was that one time LeRoy had gotten a view of his bare ass and Rachel's legs flopping over his shoulders as they'd celebrated his moving in on the kitchen table. _That_ had earned him death glares every time he'd shown any affection towards Rachel in her dad's presence and for weeks LeRoy had personally taken to spending his evenings in their apartment just to be a cockblocker. His efforts to preserve his daughter's virtue had been in vain since they'd simply started up as soon as he'd gone to bed or used the time before he came home from work.

_"Rachel? Finn? We're coming down."_

"Coming Daddy!" She climbs off the bed, eyeing his groin. "You'd better put your shirt on and get rid of that."

"No problem." The thought of LeRoy catching them that time has already made him start to lose it and he closes his eyes mentally reliving the aftermath, with Rachel screaming and accidentally kicking him in the face as she tried to hide while he'd tried to pull his pants up and grab his already swelling eye at the same time. He'd ended up with a black eye and while Rachel taking care of him had been _awesome_, the black eye seemed to remind LeRoy of what he'd seen and make him step up his efforts to protect Rachel.

Rachel's gone out into the living room to see what her fathers want and anxious to get out there to make sure they don't blow it for him, he quickly calms himself down and heads out there, just in time to hear Hiram tell Rachel once again that she looks like a bride.

"See Finn?" she chides. "_That's_ a compliment. Not _you look nice_."

"We just came down to see our little girl one last time before she left," Hiram announces. "You look lovely, Angel. What dress are you wearing over your bathing suit?"

"My red strapless dress. I think it's patriotic," she replies easily. "Finn's been rushing me to get ready but I need to iron it."

"Baby, we need to go soon. I promised Connor I'd play in the pool with him." He glances nervously at Hiram, his eyes pleading not to give anything away, but fortunately, LeRoy actually comes to his assistance.

"We're leaving to go to Mitchell's party now, Buttercup." He grabs Hiram by the elbow. "We'll see you later."

"That's right; we're going to Mitchell's, Angel. _Mitchell's_," Hiram stresses, making Finn want to rip his hair out at how obvious Hiram is being since he _knows_ Hiram and LeRoy aren't going to Mitchell's party, that instead they're going to be hiding at Brittany's house until he proposes.

"I'm sure I'll see you later." She smiles, offering her fathers a kiss. "Have fun."

Hiram pulls a surprised Rachel in for a hug. "_Angel_."

"I'll be back later, Daddy, I promise." She winces at the grip her father has her in.

"But later..." He trails off, lost in thought.

"OK, you guys better go before you're late for Mitchell's party," Finn prods, wanting Hiram gone before he blows it. "I know how you two hate to be late."

"He's right, Hiram. Let's go." LeRoy pulls him off Rachel and over to the stairs.

"Don't forget all those Champagne bottles you have chilling," Rachel reminds them, rubbing her arms where Hiram had held her.

"How'd you know about that?" Finn blurts out, worried she was catching on. He _knew_ he shouldn't have told her fathers. They'd pulled out a bottle of Champagne right then to celebrate Finn telling them and had immediately pulled out several more bottles to chill in preparation for the big day. Bottles that took up half the fridge and had evidentially attracted Rachel's attention.

"I saw them in their fridge when I was putting in the desserts I made for Brittany's that wouldn't fit in our fridge," she replies, surprised at the question. "I'm assuming that's what you're bringing to the party, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah they are. Don't forget them," Finn warns, herding them towards the stairs.

"Mitchell and Cam must be real lushes if they want you to bring that many bottles," Rachel observes as she follows them to the stairs. "Who needs that much Champagne?"

"It's Fourth of July, babe. They want to celebrate," Finn answers quickly since he can already tell Hiram's about to answer.

"But still. Even if Cam makes his special Champagne punch, he won't need that many bottles," Rachel muses. "Can you get the recipe from him, Daddy?"

"Of course, Angel," Hiram promises. "But I could probably tell you it's made with-"

"They can't get the recipe unless they _go_," Finn stresses, making a shooing motion with his hands. At this rate, the Yankee Swap will be over and someone else will end up with the ring from Tiffany's that he'd spent _hours_ picking out before they even get there, all because of some stupid punch.

"Let's go, LeRoy," Hiram says sternly, as if LeRoy was the one holding them up. "Remember Angel. We'll be at Mitchell's if you need us. _Mitchell's_."

"I got it. I promise." She smiles, watching them go up the stairs before she turns to Finn. "They seem weird to you?"

"No more than usual." He shrugs, desperate to get her off the topic. "Want me to iron your dress?"

"And have a big iron shaped burn mark on it like your dress shirt? No thank you." She moves to the hall closet and pulls out the iron. "I'll do it myself. I still can't believe Kurt used to iron your clothes for you."

"He wanted to." He rolls his eyes, following her down the hallway to their bedroom. "He claimed I was doing my clothes a disservice by not ironing them, so whatever."

"Still." She waits until he's settled on the bed next to a snoozing Elmo before fanning out her dress. "You're lucky I'm here to iron for you now."

"Very lucky." He smiles at her as she glances up from ironing her dress and the way she's looking at him he's sorely tempted to ask her right there, except Kurt would _kill_ him and he doesn't actually have the ring since he'd given it to Kurt so Rachel wouldn't find it.

"You really are, aren't you?" she quips, turning the iron off and lifting her dress off the bed for inspection. Satisfied, she pulls the dress over her head, smoothing it into place before she looks at Finn. "I'm just about ready to go."

"Finally." He scrambles off the bed, grabbing both his Yankee Swap present and hers before she can take them. "Let's hit the road."

"Wait one second. I need to check Elmo's bowls and get my bag," she insists, making him frown as he watches her move about the apartment. "I don't see the big rush. It's not like its Emmy night. I mean, there's no Fourth of July red carpet."

"I told you. I promised Connor I'd teach him to get a big splash when he jumps in." He stares hopefully as she picks up her beach bag. "Now?"

"Did you put in your spare clothes?" she asks, ignoring his question as she rummages through the bag.

"I did. Let's go." He places a hand on her back, trying to guide her to the stairs.

"And you put in boxers this time? I don't want a repeat of Memorial Day." She pauses, attempting to look through the bag again. "I still have to hear about that from Sebastian at work."

"Hey you liked me going commando," he insists with a smirk, pushing her towards the stairs again. "Now can we go?"

"Did you shut the windows?" she asks, looking around. "And I turned the iron off right?"

"I did. You did. Let's go." He pushes her once more.

She glances around, shifting her bag to her shoulder. "Alright. Let me just grab my desserts and then we can go, I guess."

"I'm on it." He darts to the fridge, haphazardly pulling out desserts to balance in his arms, their Yankee Swap presents residing carefully on top.

"Finn! Careful! I spent forever working on those Fourth of July Christmas ornament truffles!" she chides, reaching for him. "Let me take the presents."

"No! I got it," he insists, not about to give up the presents. "You need to get the desserts upstairs anyway."

"Oh true." He breathes a sigh of relief as she bounces up the stairs, clearly distracted. Carefully, he makes his own way up the stairs and into Hiram and LeRoy's large kitchen just as Rachel, her arms loaded down with even more desserts, closes the fridge with her hip.

"I think I got everything," she announces, juggling the trays. "Are you ready?"

He grins at her. "As I'll ever be."

* * *

They're the last to arrive.

He's paranoid, convinced everyone is looking at them weird but if Rachel notices, she doesn't say anything. She does however comment on the bottle of Champagne sitting on ice next to all the bottles of soda the moment she steps out on the deck. He closes his eyes, knowing that it means her dads are here and praying they don't ruin it.

"Oh how funny! My fathers drink the same brand of Champagne!" she exclaims, pointing the bottle out to Brittany.

"Yeah, I think it's a pretty popular brand," he jumps in, pulling her bag off her shoulder. "Now come on. It's hot out."

"Actually, Daddy belongs to the Wine Club so his tastes in wine and Champagne run towards the expensive side." She eyes the bottle thoughtfully. "That's an expensive bottle, I believe. Where'd you get it Brittany?"

Damn LeRoy and his stupid wine club. He pales, afraid of what's going to come out of Brittany's mouth but fortunately a welcome distraction arrives just then in the form of Connor, who throws himself at Finn's legs. "Finn!"

"Hey dude!" He picks Connor up, admiring his pirate hat. "Awesome hat."

"Let's go swimming," Connor insists, squirming in his arms. "You need to walk the plank."

"Hold on little dude." He's not about to leave Rachel to question Brittany further about the Champagne since he knows for a fact Brittany will screw it up. "Don't you want to have Rachel walk the plank?"

Connor nods eagerly, lunging for Rachel. "Come on Rachel."

Relieved that his plan worked, he hands Connor over to Rachel, hoping the three year old can keep Rachel occupied until the Yankee Swap. He figures he's got a good chance of that happening, since Connor's already demanding Rachel follow him down to the pool and she's letting him lead her there.

Connor seems more than up to the task of keeping Rachel busy, since in his current pirate obsessed phase he's decided that Rachel has been bad and frequently needs to walk the plank, which means she's jumping off the diving board a lot.

She gets a break when Connor decides its cannonball practice time but Finn, afraid she'll sneak off while he's helping Connor, lets it be known that Santana is in the kitchen hanging out with Brittany since he _knows_ she'll steer clear then and he settles for her talking to his mom poolside.

He's getting kind of antsy, sneaking off a few times to make sure Kurt still had the ring and question as to why they haven't started Yankee Swap, only to find out that Brittany refuses to do it until Lord Tubbington awakens from his afternoon nap. Frustrated and cursing that cat, he focuses on making sure Rachel stays by the pool.

They're still hanging out in the pool when Brittany announces that its Yankee Swap time. His palms immediately get sweaty, but he figures since they're already wet Rachel won't be able to tell as she guides him out of the pool and inside to the Christmas tree decorated with presidential portraits. As per his plan, he waits and sees where Rachel sits, purposely sitting on the couch across from her. She pouts and immediately tries to sit in his lap but fortunately, Brittany comes to his aid.

"_Rachel_. You know the rules. No switching seats," Brittany chides. "You're last. Deal with it."

"But I want to sit with Finn," she protests.

"Jeez, I think you'll survive not touching him for a few minutes." Puck rolls his eyes. "Can we start?"

"Lord Tubbington goes first," Brittany announces to no one's surprise. She places the cat among the pile of presents and he prays that the stupid cat won't stop by his present or else everything's ruined. Luck seems to be on his side today since Lord Tubbington pauses by a rectangular box wrapped in snowflake paper. Brittany quickly unwraps the present. "A plastic shovel! This will be perfect for when Lord Tubbington starts construction on the extension he's planning for his cat condo."

He's not too interested in the present since he already knew what it was. No, he's more interested in Rachel's reaction but she's just smiling, which he expected at this point.

Brittany has decided that it's Quinn's turn and she reaches for a box wrapped in red and green stripes. Again he stares at Rachel as she watches Quinn unwrap a volleyball but she clearly hasn't picked up on anything since she's still sitting there with that same smile on her face.

Tina goes next and Rachel's face doesn't change at the sight of the bowling pin she unwraps, the one he'd personally gotten from the bowling alley they'd had their first date at.

He _thinks_ he notices her brow start to furrow when his mom unwraps a slip n'slide and Burt unwraps a few tubes of glitter but he's not sure since that smile is still on her face. Even the Elmo doll Kurt unwraps doesn't tell him if she's caught on to the carefully selected presents he'd chosen for the Yankee Swap because she just laughs and asks if Connor had bought that.

It's not until Artie unwraps a watering can that he's _positive_ Rachel's noticed a pattern because she sits up a little straighter, watching in confusion as Artie trades the watering can for the slip n'slide. She glances at him just then and he makes sure his face is neutral, not wanting to ruin it for her.

"Is it my turn?" Puck demands, reaching for a present before anyone can stop him. He reaches for a small box, tearing off the candy cane wrapping paper and feigning surprise at the dollhouse sized version of the Little Tykes playhouse he's unwrapped. "What the fuck? Hand over that bowling pin, Tina."

Rachel's brows have furrowed and he can practically see her mind trying to piece this together but before she can do or say anything Jacob's reaching for a present. Her eyebrows almost fly off her face when she sees the copy of _Twelfth Night_ Jacob's unwrapped and currently trading to Artie for the slip n' slide. Her reaction makes him grin even more and he's glad he came up with the idea of filling the Yankee Swap with all mementos of their relationship.

It's his turn and not needing to pay attention to the boxes, he picks the one he'd wrapped in Santa wrapping paper, already knowing it's an Elmo play tent. He holds up the box, his eyes fixed on Rachel. Her hands are over her mouth as she watches him trade the tent for the bowling pin but he can tell she's totally smiling underneath.

There's only a few presents left now and he grows more nervous even as Rachel's smile grows wider. Nervous as he is though, he can't help but smirk when Rachel's face becomes a mask of confusion when she sees the Broadway snow globe Sam unwraps and trades to him as planned.

"But that's not the right..." she trails off, deep in thought and he's glad Kurt had the idea to get the wrong snow globe to throw her off. The smile comes back on her face though when she sees the rhinestone studded tiara Mike has just unwrapped.

He starts to sweat a little when Mike trades the tiara for the bowling pin Sam has, since that means it's only Brittany and Rachel left to go. He watches nervously as Brittany reaches for a present, ready to fight her if she grabs the wrong one. Luckily, she grabs the one she's supposed to, ripping off the reindeer wrapping paper to show the large piece of coral it had been hiding, a reminder of their trip to Key West when he'd sliced his foot open on some coral and they'd spent the night in the emergency room.

"It's your turn, baby," he prompts, pointing to the lone present left, the one she'd brought to the party. He grins at her confused look, knowing she's trying to figure this out. He'd been watching her eye the presents throughout the swap once she'd figured out something was amiss and he just _knew_ she was looking for a ring sized box.

"How can that be mine?" she demands, frowning at the box. "I bought it and there's the rule that says you can't get your own present."

"It's the only one left," he replies evenly, watching her dads sneak out of the room they'd been hiding in but still staying out of sight of Rachel. "It's yours."

She takes the box in a huff. "This is ridiculous. I already know that this is a box set of DVDs that I...huh?"

He grins as she stares down at the plain cardboard box in surprise since unbeknownst to her he'd unwrapped the DVDs earlier in the week, replaced it with what he wanted and then had Kurt wrap it the same way she'd done. His grin grows wider as she opens the box only to reveal another slightly smaller wrapped box inside. Again, she unwraps and once more finds _another_ slightly smaller box inside that one. Her own grin growing, she eagerly unwraps this one as well as the one inside it. Finally she gets down to the Tiffany box, yanking it open in her excitement only to have a frown appear when she realizes the black jewelry box inside is empty. "Huh?"

"You're the last one, baby. You can keep that empty box or trade," he reminds her, the snow globe sitting securely in his lap.

She tosses her hair over her shoulder, and he can tell she's trying to figure out where exactly her ring is. "What should I trade it for?"

"Well you could trade it for this snow globe." He holds it up enticingly. "I know how much you like those."

"Ok." Her eyes shining, she hands over the empty box and makes a grab for the snow globe, closely inspecting it the moment it's in her hands. Her frown returns when she sees nothing resembling a ring on the outside and shakes it violently, turning it upside down in the hopes that a ring appears amidst the snow swirling inside.

"What's wrong?" he asks, knowing perfectly well what's wrong.

"It's just a snow globe," she states, giving it another swirl to make sure.

"You don't like it?" He feels under the cushion behind him for the ring he knows Kurt just slipped under there from his position next to Finn.

"It's a snow globe," she repeats. "I thought..."

"You know, even though you stuck me with a bunch of empty boxes, I _might_ be willing to make a trade," he offers, the ring securely hidden in his hand.

"Then I get the empty boxes?" she pouts, annoyed there wasn't a ring in sight. "No way."

"You could always put something in the box," he points out with a smile, starting to hold the ring up as she stares. "What about th-"

"_Yes_!" she cries, launching herself at him. "Yes, yes, _yes_!"

He laughs as he catches her, letting her place kisses all over his face for a moment before he pulls away. "I haven't even asked you anything."

"Ask me." She stands, holding out her hand expectantly.

He gets down on one knee, taking the hand she's offering in his as he stares up at her. Oddly enough, he's not nervous possibly because she already said yes but mostly because this just feels _right_. "Rachel, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" She waits until he's slipped the ring on her finger before she attacks him again. Not that he minds since it's the first kisses they share as an engaged couple.

An _engaged_ couple. Holy shit.

The thought kind of blows his mind for a second, just as people start swarming them. Her dads are ripping her away from him and practically crushing her to death, just like his mom is suddenly doing to him. He watches her hugging her dads for a moment before a second thought takes over and he thinks that the only thing better than being engaged to Rachel will be getting married to Rachel.

He can't _wait._

* * *

Their wedding day falls on a rainy Saturday.

Nine months of planning have all come down to this day. Nine months of stressing over place settings and color schemes, of trying to solicit Finn's opinion about flowers and then disregarding his choice in favor of her own, all ruined because of rain.

They'd planned on a ceremony at dusk in the rose garden but the light mist coming down is forcing the ceremony indoors, much to her dismay. Instead of the beautiful gardens that had sold her on the catering hall, the ceremony is going to be in the ugly ceremony room, the one that almost made her cross this catering hall off the list. Kurt's promised her that she wouldn't even recognize the place when he and Brittany are done with it but she's secretly doubting his ability to get rid of the ugly, particularly if Brittany is involved.

He's banned her from peeking into the room which is why she's enlisted Brittany to take pictures of his changes and she's just looking at Brittany's phone when the Banquet Manager informs her that the rain's let up and while he doesn't advise her holding her ceremony in the rose garden, they _can _get married out by the gazebo.

She hems and haws and immediately calls for Kurt. "What do you think? Should we hold it outside?"

"He's right. If you have it in the rose garden, the grass aisle will be wet. Your dress will be filthy," Kurt warns. "Go for the gazebo. It's on the wooden deck next to the pond they have so you don't have to worry about your dress."

"I should ask Finn." She bites her lip worriedly.

"I spoke to him already. He said whatever you want," the Banquet Manager assures her. "Rain on your wedding day is actually lucky, you know."

"Is it?" She debates for a moment. Finn hadn't cared, but she _really_ doesn't want to get married in the ugly room. "Let's go for the gazebo then."

"I'll get started." He nods, rushing off to get the gazebo and deck ready before the guests start arriving and leaving Rachel and Kurt to finish getting ready.

"Rachel. I'm ready," Connor announces, pulling on her dress.

"Me too, Connor. Me too." She smiles down at him in his little tuxedo, her smile growing wider when she sees the Elmo doll in his hand.

"Here." He holds out his fisted hand, ready to drop something in her hand. "It's from Finn."

"What is it?" She gives him her palm, letting him place whatever he has in it as she glances up in surprise at Brittany in her Elmo red bridesmaid dress. Slowly, she opens her palm to see a little Elmo pin. She laughs and immediately decides it needs to go in her bouquet, pushing it right into the base.

She stresses over her gazebo choice, worried she made the wrong decision, that the seats will be wet or someone will get a splinter and she almost gets sick worrying that the rain will start again and ruin her dress once the bridal party starts walking down the aisle but a quick glance down at Elmo hanging out in her bouquet immediately calms her. The Elmo pin is stroked repeatedly once she sees Connor start to go down the aisle, suddenly worried that he'll lose the ring or throw a fit like the ring bearers on those YouTube videos she realizes now she probably shouldn't have watched.

The moment they open the doors for her and her fathers to walk out onto the deck, she completely forgets about all her worries because she sees him waiting for her at the end of the wooden aisle. He's smiling, his eyes fixed on her like he can't see anything else and she barely notices any of the guests as she walks past. She doesn't notice her grandmother dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief or Finn's Aunt Theresa snapping picture after picture as she walks by simply because her eyes are trained on him. He meets her at the end of the aisle, her hand easily slipping in his once her greets her fathers and she smiles up at him, one step closer to being his wife.

The ceremony kind of goes by in a blur. Rings are exchanged, vows are promised and almost before she knows it, Finn's being told he can kiss her, which means they're married. They're _married_. He's hers and she's his, just like she'd intended from the day she met him. The rain has started again, a light mist, but she finds that she doesn't even care. The thought strikes her as funny just as his lips meet hers and she grips the back of his neck as he pushes her backwards, still pressing his lips to hers.

"We're married," she murmurs as he starts to pull away, applause from their guests ringing in her ears. "_Married_."

"Awesome isn't it?" He kisses her hand, watching her accept her bouquet from Brittany before he leads her back down the aisle. He kisses her again at the end of the aisle, making her giggle.

The reception goes by just as fast as the ceremony. They've danced all the dances and cut the cake (with Finn only smearing a tiny bit on her nose despite his promise not to). Bouquets are tossed, garters are thrown and toasts are made. She grows misty as Kurt talks about how he knew Rachel was the one for Finn if he was willing to not only go see Shakespeare but wait overnight for tickets and she laughs as Artie tells the room how he can't believe looking back that he even bothered trying to set Finn up with another girl since it was so obvious that Finn only had eyes for Rachel.

She squeezes his hand at that, wondering how she could even have been worried about Santana, who's actually become something of a friend (and less of a tramp). He smiles at the action, leaning over to whisper that he thinks he knew the moment he hit her with that volleyball.

Almost before she knows it, the reception is over and they're in their hotel room, Finn lost somewhere under her voluminous dress as he makes her crazy with just his mouth. He emerges from under her dress, fusing their mouths together as he enters her. It's a well practice dance, but the fact that she's still wearing her wedding dress and he's got half a tuxedo on only heightens the intensity of the sex and leaves them both breathing heavy once they're done.

Finn rolls them over, kissing her jaw softly. "I love you."

"I love you too." She pushes his tuxedo jacket off him.

"Let's get this dress off you." He sits up, pulling off his shirt and the t-shirt underneath it. Now completely naked since he'd lost his pants and boxers earlier, he lays next to her, a hand on her hip.

"You were right, you know. About marriage being awesome, I mean," she clarifies, turning over to let him kiss her back as he undoes the corset. "I think married life suits me so far."

He grins and places a kiss against her shoulder. "It's only going to get awesomer, babe."

* * *

Caroline and Kelsey turn one on a Sunday.

Technically, Caroline turned one on Thursday while Kelsey turns one the following Monday but Rachel and Brittany decided to join forces and make their daughter's joint first birthday party on the Sunday between the two girl's birthdays.

They've settled on an Abby Cadabby themed party, recycling the Sesame Street signs they'd used for Connor's party but creating all new decorations for everything else, which means the two of them are spending a lot of mornings and any free time backstage creating fairy decorations.

Having learned from past parties that Rachel likes things just so, he takes Elmo and Caroline and stays out of her way. It probably helps that they managed to buy the house next to Brittany and Artie, which means they could escape to whatever house Rachel and Brittany aren't in. It's also awesome party wise since living next door means they can take down part of the fence between their houses for the party, making one big yard which is sure to annoy Sue Sylvester on Artie's other side.

Rachel stresses herself out for the party, running over to Brittany's constantly to make Abby Cadabby themed decorations and check on the menu, but the day of the actual party she's strangely calm. He finds her in Caroline's room, busy deciding between two swimsuits while Caroline sits in on the floor playing with a toy piano.

"Babe? My parents are here and I just saw your dads pull up," he announces, an Abby Cadabby party hat already on his head as he makes a beeline for Caroline and lifts her up. "Better get the birthday girl dressed."

She nods, placing one bathing suit back in the drawer while keeping the pink ruffled bathing suit with the white polka dots out. "Let's get you in your swimsuit, baby girl."

"What happened to her awesome birthday onesie my mom got her?" he asks, playing with her hands once Rachel lays her on the changing table. Caroline smiles up at him, babbling happily and he grins, still kind of amazed that he and Rachel made her.

"She hit my hand when I was feeding her and spilled the bowl of prunes and cereal all over it," Rachel replies, doing a quick diaper change before she slips on the bathing suit.

"Well I can't blame her for that. Prunes suck," he decides, lifting her into his arms. He can hear voices coming down the hall and he knows its just a matter of seconds before their families descend on them. Sure enough, Hiram and his mom burst through the door, arms outstretched.

"There's the birthday girl!" Carole cries, pulling her granddaughter from Finn's arms. "Doesn't she look like Finn, Hiram?"

Hiram examines Caroline critically. "I think she does Carole, more and more each day, although I do see some Rachel."

"Hello to you too, Mom," Finn quips.

"Hi baby," she replies, distracted by Caroline laughing at the funny faces Hiram was making as they walk out the door, Burt capturing the whole thing on video.

Finn just shrugs and puts his arm around Rachel as they follow them. "I guess we don't rate anymore."

"You're just figuring that out now? Caroline's been to Daddy's Wine Club meetings and _I've_ never even been allowed to go," Rachel responds with a laugh.

He figures it's not too bad, since like Kelsey is with Artie and Brittany's families, Caroline's being bounced around from family member to family member, which leaves him free to hang out with the guys and even get in a quick game of volleyball (although he's kind of sad that Rachel steers clear of the court, since unlike last time, if he'd hit her he'd totally be allowed to make it up to her with at least a kiss right then).

Still, it is his daughter and he kind of misses her, so he manages to grab her before she changes hands again and heads out to Connor's playhouse, determined to get a few minutes of peace and quiet with the birthday girl. Nothing's changed in the years since he'd been in here last with a girl and he still doesn't fit but somehow manages to squeeze both of them in. He's just settled Caroline between his legs when the little door opens again and Rachel pops her head in.

"Mind if I join you?" she asks.

"Stay on your side," he warns teasingly. "The kitchenette is my area."

She laughs as she climbs in, ignoring his warning and picking up Caroline so she can rest against Finn's chest with Caroline between her legs.

"I believe your legs are in my kitchenette," he teases. "How dare you. I might have to do a dramatic storm out."

"I think it'll be ok," she replies, turning her head to give him a kiss before she glances down at Caroline, who's busy pulling up clumps of grass. "You believe she's one?"

"I know. I better get my watering can ready for the boys," he answers, only half joking.

She giggles. "Did you ever think that all this would come out of an Elmo party?"

"Nope. Never," he confesses. "I mean Elmo's an awesome tap dancer, but he's not known for his matchmaking skills."

"I think he did pretty well," Rachel muses, smiling as she felt his arms wrap around her.

"He did, didn't he? You got a real stud out of the deal," Finn agrees, laughing when she hits him.

"Don't be too cocky. I can always go stand by the volleyball court and hope someone else hits me," she teases.

"You wouldn't dare." He squeezes her tighter and places a kiss on her temple. "You're stuck with me."

"Fine. I guess I'll keep you. We did make a gorgeous daughter," she decides. "So I guess I should thank Elmo."

"I think you should." He presses another kiss to her temple.

They're quiet then, both watching Caroline play. She stands unsteadily after a minute, turning and holding her arms out to her parents. Rachel scoops her up, holding her to her chest while Finn puts his arms around them both. He's still kind of amazed that he's here, with the two women he loves most in the world, but he kind of figures he shouldn't be too surprised.

After all, Elmo always did throw an awesome party.

* * *

_**A/N: And that's the end of what was supposed to be a one shot, but morphed into a five shot LOL.**_

_**And that's also #6 peyton4life ;)**_


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